Sober Superhero ft. Thomas

Steve welcomes Thomas to share his experience, strength, and hope while they discuss living sober in the queer community and how Gay and Sober changed his life.

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Transcript

Steve: 0:55

Hi everyone, and welcome to Gay A, a podcast about sobriety for the LGBT plus community and our allies. I'm your host, Steve Bennet-Martin. I am an alcoholic and addict, and I am grateful for my sponsee. As of this recording, I am 868 days sober, and today we're welcoming a guest to share their experience, wisdom, and hope with you. I had the pleasure of meeting this charismatic guy at this year's Gay and Sober Conference, and it's been a joy getting to know him as we plan ahead. Welcome to the show, Thomas!

Thomas: 1:24

Hello. Hello. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah. Thanks for agreeing

Steve: 1:26

to come on. What would you say is your favorite part of being sober today?

Thomas: 1:34

Oh gosh, I have so many things. Honestly, the fact that I'm actually living my life, I would have to say just all the opportunities that have come because of it, just getting everything. Literally just being able to live. Before when I was drinking, I was just sleeping all day long. And when I was awake, I was just drunk. And so my life was basically a constant void. So all the opportunities that have come by being sober, it's just been incredible and it keeps getting better and better.

Steve: 2:03

Yeah, they say it does and what would you say is your favorite part of being queer today

Thomas: 2:10

that is Such an interesting question because it's something that I have struggled with for a very long time my queer identity it's honestly one of the main driving factors as to why my drinking was Such a problem just dealing with something that I realized recently in this past year, the toxic shame of being gay. It's been a struggle, but as I'll be sober, December 4th will be three years and as more times gone on, certain things have influenced me being more comfortable with it. A lot of self exploration. Listening to podcasts, learning about things but recently actually politics kind of played a factor in that with everything that's been going on in Florida. I've never really was someone that was interested in politics really, but with everything that was going on, it just made me question a lot of things and started to realize a lot about. All the issues that I've had with myself. And one thing that I noticed was like, I didn't know anything about like gay history. So I started to read into things like Stonewall, which is so embarrassing, but I had no clue anything about that. And to realize that literally all those events, they took place the same year that my mom was born. And to find out, the fact that we, well, at least me, took for granted being gay, just being able to, walk around, do my thing, go to the club, and not think anything of it, when in the same time frame my mom was born in 1969 gay people were essentially illegal, like, hearing all the stories and things that happened, it just blew my mind but that totally opened up my, whole concept as to what pride is and what it means to be proud. And so this past summer, going to New York city for pride week and learning all these events and them happening in New York city. it was like a light bulb that quick or click, excuse me. And yeah, so I don't know, like my favorite thing about being queer. Just being my authentic self. I love it.

Steve: 4:21

For you or listeners looking for more gay history. I recently watched the book of queer on max, well, it was HBO max, but it's a nice mini series of just fascinating queer history.

Thomas: 4:33

I'll have to check it out. I've heard of it, but I haven't seen it yet. Yeah.

Steve: 4:36

Well, why don't we jump into the thick of it then? And why don't you share a little bit about what your journey with alcohol and addiction was like?

Thomas: 4:44

Sure. I was trying to think back to really where it all started and something that I guess was like a a starting point. I remember having friends over to my house one day and they wanted to see if my parents had any alcohol. And I remembered that there was this little cabinet like this big in our kitchen and it had all these random bottles in there. So, my parents weren't home at the time. And we went through and just poured a whole bunch of random stuff into a glass and we're passing it around and drinking it. One of my friends got super sick because we're literally combining rum and tequila and Godiva chocolate liqueur and random stuff. But I realized that was there and so then I had a sleepover one night and me and my friends got a little tipsy and this is all around that 13 year old age and starting to come into puberty and starting to realize I definitely was not straight. And so one of my close friends he would sleep over all the time. And that was something that I found was an easy way to loosen up and to do things that I probably wouldn't do sober. And that led into show and tell. And I'll show you mine if you show me yours. And then that kind of led into more physical stuff. And next thing you know, we're fooling around, not on the regular, but. So I found that by drinking, I was able to just lose all inhibition and it allowed for me to do things that I never would have been capable of doing when I was sober. And then fast forward to my senior year of high school. And most of high school, because of being gay, the bullying was a thing and just having that lack of authenticity and all that toxic shame. It was awkward and it was hard. And I had a girlfriend but it was all just a show. And then I finally met the cool kids, and was going to parties and found, once again, in a whole new way, how drinking was almost a sport, like beer bongs. I found out what those were and like flip cup and beer pong and all those games and taking shots and stuff. And I felt like by being able to just consume mass amounts of alcohol, people thought that I was cool and I was able to hit it off with the straight guys. And then by being drunk, I didn't give a shit that I was gay, it wasn't even a thought in my mind. And so I was able to just like let loose and be free and be myself. But that was bad because I was literally like beer, bong, franzy, a box wine. Like you would get like a five liter box of wine and just pour it into the funnel and just be chugging it and just blacking out, throwing up all the time. It was a mess, but then fast forward to being 21 and I moved to Tampa. I still love her, but I used to be obsessed with Britney Spears and followed her every move online. And during this time, it was her circus tour era. And I'd already seen her in concert twice. And I've somehow found online that there was a barn in Tampa and Ybor city, and they were doing a contest to when tickets to her circus tour that was coming to Orlando. And I remember seeing it and saw that it was at a gay bar. So I was nervous. I had never been around other gay people, never been to a gay bar. there was so much confusion in my brain. I knew I was like at this breaking point of finally exploring that side of me and coming out, not just being bi or whatever. But I had this feeling. I'm going to win this contest. Like, I don't know what it was. It just came over me. I was like, I have to go to this club. So I gathered my friends, a couple of my best friends at the time when I was living with and a friend from back home who also loved Brittany. I was like, we're going to this club. I'm going to win this contest. Like Trust and believe watch. So we go to Ybor City, free game back in my apartment, got pretty drunk. The contest was like a finish the lyric contest and I was so confident. I was like, I got this. So they had like a sign up sheet. I picked a basic song, but I knew I couldn't mess the words up. Get up on stage and they're like, Oh, just kidding. You're going to do whatever the other song was. And I was like, Oh my God. But then something just. Clicked and I won the contest. Long story short, my friend came in second place. So we won six tickets to Brittany. But while I was there at the club, I don't know how to explain it, but it was like my whole world had just opened. I had been waiting for this moment. You walk in, there's a projection screen of A guy in his underwear and there's go go dancers and hot guys bartending. And on one side of the club, it's just all Britney Spears playing like a fricking dream. And then on the other side, it was the club side and they have like Britney and Gaga Kesha at the time was cool. And I was just like, Oh my God. And the green laser lights are going off, feeling my JLo fantasy. And I was just like, I have arrived. And from that point on, I was hooked. I was going to USF at the time. College and it wasn't too far from Ybor City. And every single night there was always something going on. And next thing you know, I'm a club rat. I was there five days a week on one night, you would have dollar drinks on another night, you would have free drinks. And one night you would have 10, all you can drink. And you've been to gay bars. They do not pour proper drinks, like literally you get a cup with ice in it and it spilled to the top with vodka, splash of tonic and some lime and you're good to go. When you have like 10 of those, your tolerance becomes ridiculous. So, 21 was fun, but totally a blur. And then I got a DUI. Which was not a shocker. Did not take that seriously at all. I had no clue, what really truly just happened. I went to jail and it almost seemed like a joke. I remember when I got out of it, I was like laughing to my friends. I'm like, that definitely was not like the lady Gaga telephone music video. When I was there too funny story terrified when I was there actually, and you get your like little phone call or whatever, I don't know anybody's phone number. And so the only one I knew was my mom and I call her and she had told me when I was younger, she was like, if you ever go to jail, do not call me and I did. And she was right. She was like, you're gonna have to be in jail. I'm like, oh, my God. And I finally get booked into your room. It's not like a jail cell with a metal bars. But I'm so terrified to see who I'm going to be stuck with because in my head, I'm not getting out of there anytime soon. None of my friends had money to bail me out. And I get to my room and the guy that's there was also at G Bar, the club that I was at that night. And he was an escort from Miami and I was like, well, if I'm going to be stuck here, at least it's going to be kind of fun. But luckily I got out of there like early in the morning, one of my friends came and picked me up. But after that, I didn't get my shit together. I didn't really know how to deal with the legal process of everything. I was still driving, I was drinking and driving, totally did not learn my lesson. I just started bartending at the restaurant that I worked at, which was in Brandon. So that's 20 minutes away. I'm just driving to work, getting drunk at work for free, stealing bottles from there to bring home, driving home at like three in the morning on I 4, just reckless being a menace. But yeah, then in that same time I started dating the first guy that I ever dated and unfortunately it was not a good relationship. not an honest person was cheating on me with so many different people ended up like somehow moving in with me and all the while just like doing the most and it was really tumultuous for like six or seven months. And that also on top of the fun aspect of all the binge drinking, he was the first Time that I was dealing with all these emotional things that I've never experienced before. And anytime anything happened, the result was just to go straight down the street and get a bottle and just drink away any of the issues. So clearly nothing ever was resolved until we eventually broke up, which took forever. But yeah, after that point, then all the fun and the E board, those days just turned into weeks, which turned into months, and then two years until I got into another relationship. With someone who was amazing, but unfortunately because of the one before, I had so many issues and all those feelings of not comfortableness of being gay were still there and I never could have sober sex with him, which was weird and I knew it at the time, but I couldn't explain it. And it was strange because he wanted to, but. I was totally not into it. He was very attractive guy, but when we were drunk, like 100 percent totally down. So a lot of our relationship, he liked to drink a lot too, was just binge drinking. We also had kind of a rock relationship, a lot of moving around. I got evicted from my apartment that I lived in because of noise complaints, because we were partying all the time. And I had to move over to West Palm Beach area with a friend and he stayed back and moved to Orlando. And so it was this long distance thing. Ended up moving to Orlando with him. We lived in a motel, which was wild. But, yeah, all, still not having my license and everything. Just feeling like shit about myself and just not having my life together. Living in a motel, not having my license. Having issues with him. I would get off work and go to Walmart and get like mini bottles. And I would just drink three of them on my walk home because I didn't want to go home and be sober and deal with him and deal with our issues. Believe it or not, we broke up as well. And then I moved back home to Maryland where I'm from. And I lived there for a summer and I was going to move to New York City. And then I got a phone call from my friend after a few months of being home and she was like, move back down to Florida. We're going to get a house in Ybor City. She's like, you don't have to pay for anything. First month's rent, nothing, just like get a plane ticket, pack your bags, let's go. And I was like, Oh my God, this sounds like a dream. Getting to live in Ybor where that was the playground. So I did it. And less than a week I moved down there and. My cousin, I remember when I posted about it on Facebook, she was like, that is the last place on earth that you need to be. And I remember being like, you are such a hater, such a buzzkill. But our family actually has a history with alcohol. Her father passed away, and she had to go through years and years of just experiencing that, him basically just killing himself, and my father as well, he passed away. Lots of years of drug and alcohol abuse. So she was genuinely concerned. I didn't want to hear it. And I was so excited and moved down there and she was so right because now I literally can walk to all these places that before I was having to drive to or get rides to and. I started meeting people in the bars and the clubs and that just became my whole network and I harassed the general manager at Southern Knights, which was G bar back in the day where I won that Britney Spears contest because I wanted to work there so bad and I was so persistent and he finally gave me a job as a bar back. And did that for a while until I finally like weaseled my way into working happy hour, which was horrible. The most bizarre people would be coming in there at like five o'clock in the afternoon in Ybor City. But then started bartending on the weekend nights and everything. And it was so much fun. And I've finally felt like I was coming into that whole gay Self, but it still was not genuine by any means because I was just masked in all of the issues that I had with drinking. I was having so much fun going to things like gay days and meeting all these RuPaul's Drag Race queens and just living it up. Yeah, living in Ybor and having that access was just the perfect storm, essentially. And then a few years later. All that fun was going on. All within one year, the timeline is kind of broken for me still. But my dad committed suicide. My grandmother died and then my sister died of a heroin slash fentanyl overdose the day after Christmas. And that was just a lot to process. On top of my already excessive drinking, it was the catalyst to take it to a whole exponentially different level. That year, when my sister died, I remember going home for Christmas and I had a huge suitcase and I made sure before I left, I bought four handles of vodka to bring with me because that's how, Intense. The drinking was. I needed to be fed up and make sure that I had it like on hand while I was back home. Cause my mom liked to drink whenever I would be around. We would take shots, captain Morgan and stuff and party. And it was cool, but she would take them to the liquor store like once. And then the bottle would be gone within a day. And for her, that was fine. We got it out of the system, whatever. But then now here I am home for another week. So I planned ahead. But then when I found out about my sister passing away, it was so bizarre. Because I was drunk the day after Christmas morning and and those next couple of days, just not processing it, just drinking whatever I get a text from one of my friends back in Tampa and everybody had found out about what was going on and she was like, I have a ticket to Britney Spears on her last. Vegas residency show for new year's eve, do you want to come? And I was like, absolutely. So I changed my flight from going back home to Tampa, like contact work. And they were cool about it. Cause all this trauma that I've been going through, they're like, do whatever you want to do. So I went out to Vegas and had a great time, but then just never really dealt with all the things that were going on and fast forward. I would say that next year, so like 2018, 2019. It was just getting somehow worse and worse. I don't even know how it's possible, but looking back at pictures, you can just see a physical progression of my decline and the intensity of what was going on. And then COVID happened. And at that same time, the ease of obtaining alcohol, literally being delivered to your house by the press of a button on an app, Drizzly was my best friend. And Yeah, just a lot of time to be at home. I didn't have to work. It was lovely. I was getting unemployment and because of the no contact thing, I would just order a handle of back then it was sailor Jerry's spice rum because it was a high alcohol content. Just have them come into my house within 45 minutes and barely crack open the door, show them my ID and like grab like a little troll and run back into my house, all the windows drawn and just. start taking shots and it would just be all day long getting drunk, putting on wigs and putting on concerts for my cats at home and then falling asleep and waking back up and taking more shots again. Yeah, I wasn't eating. I was not drinking water. I would get like carry out food and eat a few bites of it. But I just never was hungry. I was constantly drinking all the time. Then we started going back to work and we were allowed to drink at work, but not how I was doing it. I was already going to work drunk. And then I was drinking probably almost close to like a bottle of liquor at work, taking shots. Had my drinking privileges revoked multiple times, I'd be falling down on the ground and just being a mess. But then come December, I worked my shift and I went up into the drag room at the end of the shift and it's like super bright fluorescent lighting and the walls were this yellow color, but I literally was yellow. The jaundice. Why does that word sound weird right now? Yeah. My friend was like, Oh my God, you need to go to the hospital. And they took me home. And I packed a bag and I don't remember any of this, but next thing, you know, I wake up six days later in the ICU and that's when everything finally stopped. And I just remember feeling like, Oh my God, what just happened? What is my life? But at the same time, this humongous weight was lifted off my shoulder. And I almost felt like I got this get out of jail free card, but I also knew that finally, I was literally saved and. Here we are.

Steve: 21:32

Yeah. And, such a powerful share. So thank you for sharing that. I know that in starting an early recovery can be very difficult because not only are you going through that mental obsession and, but you're also breaking all these routines that you've had for what sounds like years, if not decades, what kind of tools and resources did you use during those first couple of months to help get you through

Thomas: 21:54

that? So it was a very unique situation. When I was in the hospital, I was in Tampa General Hospital for almost two weeks, and my mom didn't really understand the severity of the issue. The nurses were obviously calling them my manager at work. He was amazing and super supportive and was keeping in touch with her and was like, your son has a problem. He almost died and she didn't really get it at first. She thought that I was just, you know, doing my thing, having fun. I was very functioning, I guess. I kept in touch with her all the time, but I was drunk all the time. So people just assumed that was my personality. I guess. So she really didn't know because I would only see her like once or twice a year and when I did, it was for fun reasons. And she was like, Oh, I just thought you had like a little beer belly, like, whatever. But in the hospital, I remember having this moment feeling like, I'm not like a religious person by any means, but definitely have like a spiritual connection to something that I'm trying to figure out these days. But there was absolute divine intervention that had happened. Because the doctors were like, if you would not have came in when you did, you would have died, and within the next week or two. And that was actually something that I had thought of many times in that past year, like, I only worked Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday, and sometimes random days for events. But I just imagine going to work on a Saturday, drinking all day long, drinking all night at work, going home, dying like that night or Sunday or something, and then ghosting people or so they would think for Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, not showing up for my shift on Wednesday. And then people being like, where is he, and not being able to get a hold of me, and then Thursday rolls around, but five days have gone by, I've been dead in my house, and my cat's eating me and getting drunk off my floor. I read that cats will eat you, which is kind of creepy. But anyway, I truly felt like that was going to be my demise, and I accepted it fully too, I truly didn't care, if I died, it was really sad. But in the hospital, they told me that that was going to happen. And they also told me that I was going to have to be put on a liver transplant list and that I probably would live like two years. And I just remember feeling so overwhelmed with this opportunity of having like a second chance at life. I like this new lease on life. And I was excited when my mom told me that she was actually going to be coming down to Tampa and take me back home to Maryland. They live on this little farm at property, like four and a quarter acres. Old 1850s farmhouse and gorgeous gardens that she's all done herself. And I remember laying in the hospital bed and thinking thank God I'm being ripped out of this toxic environment of where I worked and where I lived. And I couldn't get my shit together. I couldn't get my license back because how are you going to get your license back if you're drinking all day long? I was so stuck in this cycle of toxicity. There was absolutely no way of me. Getting to where I am right now without what happened, being totally ripped out of the situation. So I called it farm rehab and my mom came down with my stepdad. They rented an SUV and acted as much of my personal belongings that she thought that I would want. But a lot of my stuff was damaged and just my apartment was trash. Before I went to the hospital, liquor bottles, just everywhere. I was walking on top of. Empty bottles on my floor. I remember thinking like you were such an idiot. You're going to break through these bottles and slice your foot open and just bleed out because you're not going to call 911, but I would hobble to the bathroom every morning and dry heave and try to throw up and then immediately go and find wherever the bottle was in my house and take three shots, like 7 00 AM and then continue the cycle. But. Anyway, so she had to come and she had to clean my house up. A couple of days into doing that. It took her like a week while I was in the hospital, my electric went out because I didn't pay my bill. So this poor woman is in Florida, even though it's December, it's still hot and she's having to like beat the sun to get things done during the day. But then she gets everything done and picks me up from the hospital. And I right now I weigh like 190, but at the time I weighed like 240, I think, because I was just so bloated with every, my body just going through all the shock and everything. But I had to sit straight up in the backseat of this SUV and drive all the way from Florida to Maryland when we stopped for gas and that was pretty much it was horrible. But I knew that the end result was getting back home and being with my mom, who's going to take care of me. And being in this serene environment, Christmas was coming up and there was just so much good to look forward to. But then reality set in and I got there and I was like, Holy shit. My whole life just changed. Like, what am I doing? what do I do now? But my health was obviously top priority. I just, didn't know what to do. I was just in so much pain, so much physical pain. Like I could barely walk if I had to get off the sofa, my little brother had to like pull me up with all of his strength or my mom would have to have to hobble to the bathroom. I was literally wearing diapers. My mom had to clean me up multiple times. it was pretty wild. And then Christmas happened and that night the ambulance had to come and I went back to the hospital again and they had to drain me of paracentesis multiple times. But that was like the beginning of like the recovery finally happening. Luckily, one of the nurses in the hospital, she applied for Medicaid for me and I got approved and if it wasn't for her, I don't think that my recovery would have been what it was because I wouldn't have known to do that and I would have been so screwed trying to figure out how to do the doctor visits and everything. But Medicaid literally paid for everything. I think it was over 150, 000 in hospital bills and whatnot, but I was able to get a primary care position with my. family's doctor. They were able to squeeze me in even though they weren't accepting people, but the support of having that like small town doctor with like that personal level, she was like very dedicated to making sure that I was. Going to be okay. And it's because of those people for sure. I feel like if I was in Tampa that, I don't know what it would have been like, but just being a number and maybe not having that personal connection, I don't know how successful it would have been, but I didn't really have any desire to go to AA or doing anything like that because when I got my DUI, I had to obviously do stuff like that and. I just thought it was such a bullshit at that time being 21. The last thing I wanted to do was going to these meetings and the one that I went to, the people were, in my opinion, I could not relate to them. They were older than me or they have these ridiculous stories. And I had that like entitled mindset and thought that I was better than them and whatever, and just thought it was all ridiculous, like would leave the meetings and then go take shots afterwards. So in my mind, I felt like AA was that and just thought that I could do it all on my own, which I did. And being at home and just, I had no friends up there really. My closest friends were like an hour away from back where I grew up. I was able to just. like heal physically on my own mentally kind of go through a lot of stuff. It's hard to like really go back and remember that time, but I definitely shut myself off and eradicated a lot of my past life, like filtered through all my friends on social media, got rid of all the things that I followed and like, I wouldn't even listen to music that I listened to. It was very strange, but I would help my mom out in her gardens and all the animals and stuff and just like a lot of family time. And then one day someone was telling me about the idea of gay AA and that never even crossed my mind. And I started looking into it online and I came across Game Sober. And it was like, Oh, this is a thing. And so I started following them on their social media and never did. I never did any of the online virtual zoom meetings and stuff that they have because I was still in that weird, awkward phase of I guess, admitting, yes, I'm an alcoholic and this is my life now and the drinking is never going to happen again. Even though, I remember going to the liver specialist and asking him cause like months and months had gone by and I was physically feeling so much better. I joined the gym and stuff. I felt like I had my shit together and I was like, so can I. Start drinking again because I feel confident that I can control this like I'm in a different mindset and he looked at me and was like, never, never drink again. And I was just like, what the fuck? But I had a friend, one of my best friends, Nick, he also worked in the club for a long time and also very similar drinking problem. He contacted me a few months after I got out of the hospital, he told me how it was super inspirational and motivating. And it was his wake up call to see me almost die. He's been sober now this entire time too, which is amazing. But hearing how I inspired him and finally getting back in touch with people and people knowing my story and finding out what happened and just hearing. How I've like touched all these different people. My mom was sharing my story on her Facebook page. I'm getting all these messages from all of these people. I'd never even met or heard of privately messaging me and saying how, like I'm giving them hope for someone in their family or something they personally had been through. And it was like all these. Personal connections that were happening were like fueling my own sobriety. So I was just doing everything on my own. There was no tools or resources really that I was doing. It was just like kind of going with my gut and just doing my thing. Like I said before, like feeling like I had this new opportunity to actually live my life. I wanted to start doing the most and, my mom had mentioned me getting out of the house and going to the community college and taking a photography classes. I love photography. She thought it would be good just for me to get out and meet people and do something to keep my mind busy. So she took me and I talked to an advisor and I was like, you know what? Actually, how many courses do I need to get my associate's degree? Cause. That's something that had been killing me for forever was just like dropping out and not finishing that and just feeling like a loser. And they told me I only had two classes. So I said, fuck the photography as much fun as that sounds. Let's do the math and the biology that I did not want to do back in the day and get this degree. So I applied for a scholarship because all my student loans were in default. So I couldn't get financial aid and got the scholarship that paid for the entire semester. I was like, well, this is a sign of good things to come. Finished out, got my associate's degree. And at that same time, got my license back finally, which was not fun. Having the interlock thing installed in an old hooptie van. That was a, an experience at least, but I got my license back. I got my passport. I finished school. I talked to my cousin who offered me a job down here in Florida, which is why I'm here again. But everything was just coming together and working its way out, but still not doing anything really. When it came to like actively working on my sobriety, I just felt like everything was I was abstaining from the drinking and I was confident that I wasn't going to do that but not doing anything. Yeah,

Steve: 33:41

I think like we all get ruts in our recovery at a time where we might not be as actively working on it because when you're getting all the benefits of, being sober, it's easy to forget that all of that can also take work. I know that you had mentioned you had checked out gay and sober and were following them on the socials, but what inspired you to join the conference? And what was that experience like?

Thomas: 34:03

So I moved to Florida because my cousin, he started a business during the pandemic and it was I was going to be a home inspector. And to me, that was amazing because I was getting out of like hospitality, out of bartending, out of serving. So I took him up on that opportunity and came down here. And that was when I, around that same time, that was when I started noticing them getting sober, posting about the conference and what stuck out to me was Bianca Del Rio was a previous entertainer and I love drag race and I love Bianca. And I was like. What? This is cool. So I started looking at it and there was like this burning desire to want to go to it, but still that like standoffish, like am I going to go? And it's going to be like weird and Colty like, are we going to be doing all that stuff? And is it going to be awkward? I don't know. am I literally about to go to New York city and be stuck there for a week? And then I was like, you know what, if you go, no one knows you. And if it's weird, then you can just be in New York and like, do your thing. But I just kept looking into it and I kept going back to it. And finally there was just like this, like burning desire to want to go to it. It was just this unknown. I felt so deep in my core that it was. Something that was going to be amazing, but I just could not explain it. And at the time I didn't really have money to do the registration, even though it's really not that expensive, but to me, like prioritizing that chunk of money and like getting there and staying at the Westin and everything, it just was a lot, but I noticed that they offered a scholarship. So knowing that I can get scholarships. I was like, let me apply for this and see what happens. And I ended up getting one, and I was like, Thomas, this is a sign. Like, you have to go. And right at that same time, my friend Nick, the one who I was talking about, who is sober, he is a flight attendant with United, and he told me that he was going to be putting me on my, on his flight benefits. And I was like, Oh my God, that is so cool. I have my passport. I just got all everything was just like coming together and it was like so perfect and I was like, okay, I have to do this, but I got the scholarship in December and the conferences until June and for the six months I was so anxious going back and forth. Like, am I going to this or am I not? Because there was just. I had no clue what to expect from it, but it was like this metaphorical beacon of light coming from New York city. I had to go, I had to do it. And so I talked to a bunch of my close friends about it and they're like, you have to do it. And I just kept remembering thinking like, this is something that's going to be life changing. And One of my friends was like, I feel the same. But also don't get too wrapped up in the fact that it could be so life changing because you don't want to set like a standard and get there and then be disappointed and whatnot. And I was like, I know I'm being realistic, but I'm telling you, there's this gut feeling. Like there's something about this that I feel like it's going to be good. And so I get there and I was so nervous and anxious. But I remember when I finally got to the West End, I mean, obviously you get out of the train station in New York and first thing I see is Empire State Building and I'm just like, so cool. I love New York City, so already setting the tone for like, to be this amazing time, but I'm walking down to the West End and I finally get there and like, my heart is racing. And the first person or one of the first persons that I meet was Mario. That's where you had to go check in. And I'm just like running my mouth a mile a minute with all my nerves and everything. And he, you know how he is. He's so cool and calm me down. He was like, you're going to be fine. So he handed my lanyard to me. Remember putting it on. And it was almost putting on this, like superhero power, costume type thing. I just felt like I was ready to go. Like all the nerves that had been building up for the past six months totally washed away and all those feelings that I had about GSM being this life changing thing that happened and that what it was like beyond anything that I could have imagined I was so shocked with my experience like the first night sitting down in my bed at like two in the morning journaling about everything just like typing faster than I've ever typed before trying to make sure that I can remember every last detail That conference, it changed my life and it's opened a lot of doors and it's gotten, gotten me very excited about my future. And it was a hundred percent something that I didn't realize that I needed because being down here, I in Orlando for like a year and a half until I went to the conference, I was. Proud of myself for being sober, but I was like, also wondering like, what is this life? I'm working at Outback as a server. I have no friends. All my friends in Tampa don't talk to me. I'm getting FOMO by watching everybody on social media. I don't want to go out because the one or two times I did, it was like super uncomfortable. And I was just like, Oh, yay, I'm sober and my life is good. But how boring and mundane and complacent and just like, it's life. And I just felt like there was this wall that I was hitting and I could not explain, I did not know what it was, but then I realized by going to GSM, it was that sense of community, the experience of like, being around all these people, me feeling like I have this extraordinarily unique situation, and then I get there and I'm around hundreds of other people whose stories are just like mine, if not crazier, and just getting to talk to everybody here. Saying all my truth and to people that get it, like my friends and my family, like they are supportive and loving, but like you understand it on a whole different level than someone like my straight friends or my mom or whatever. It was just like one thing after the next, it was just so incredible. I was just like, okay, this was exactly what I needed was the people. And I can't do this on my own and I have to be involved. And I'm so glad that I went with my gut and went and did it because. Yeah. Life is going to be good. I'm excited about it. Yeah. I'm,

Steve: 40:40

I'm glad you did as well, cause it's been a pleasure getting to know you through this, but we're also working together and you got us this great opportunity at Orlando pride. Do you want to tell the listeners about that?

Thomas: 40:52

Yeah. So after I left GSM and just like everything that happened, I wish that I could just do like an entire podcast episode on my experience at GSM because it was just everything. But after I left and came back to Orlando, I was so inspired and motivated. I was on just a whole different level. And the last night of g s m, we do the, the cruise on the river, and I ended that night on the cruise sitting next to Mario. It was like this full circle moment that was so unintentionally planned, but I was sitting next to him and Marcus, who's another delegate with G Ss m and we were just talking about everything that happened during the last four days, and there was a signup sheet to get involved. And I was apprehensive because even though I'd been sober now for, you know, X amount of time, I don't have any experience and I don't feel qualified, I guess, to represent anything or to help other people because I just don't know much about all of this life, but something about it again, just like how I felt so compelled to go to the conference. I felt so compelled to sign up for it and long story short, had the zoom interview and became a delegate with GSM and was super excited because. One more step into like life changing things happening. But when I first became a delegate, I realized that part of our duties is to do fundraising to help support and fund the conference. And I texted my friends and called people and posted about it on social media, but I was like, how am I going to, I don't like, I can't get everybody to donate. And I felt like I was going to hit a cap with people and then I thought about in the future, like, it's not going to be just this one fundraiser for this upcoming Christmas,, this is an ongoing thing I'm going to have to continue doing, but by not being involved in like AA or anything like that, I don't have a sober network of people. So I was just like, what can I do? And I was driving to work one day and it just like dawned on me that Orlando Pride was in October and this is a few months ago. And I just remembered going to pride there before and how Lake Eola is set up and they have all the vendors and everything. And I was like, how awesome would it be to get a tent and have GSM set up there and talk to people about the conference, try and sell raffle tickets. And I looked up how to do it. So I went to learn more about the application process and how much it would cost and everything. And when I signed in, it was like. Everything had been filled, it was all sold out for the vendors and my heart sunk and I was so sad and, because I had like all these thoughts and expectations in my head of how incredible this was going to be and I literally just like died inside and I was like, Oh my God. And so I was like really sad for literally two minutes and then I was like, this ain't over. So I went online and I found a contact email and I emailed Orlando Pride. Not really knowing what to expect, but I was like, if there's any potential of being wait listed or put on standby, if somebody can't make it or falls out, I will be ready to go like last minute. Just let me know. And next thing you know, I get an email from the executive director of pride, not expecting this, and she was so excited. And wanted to schedule a meeting and I'm so excited about this. But then I'm like, Oh my God, what did I just do? My whole life, I've just been like this hot mess and so immature and just never serious, not professional, just having fun, goofy, like literally branded as a hot mess forever. So that's just like so ingrained in my mind, even still, I mean, not necessarily so much now, but I don't see myself as this professional person. And now I'm representing this company. I'm like, Oh my God. All right, but you got this like you can do it. And so I have this meeting with her and she told me that she was so excited when she saw the game sober had reached out to her because a couple of years ago. They decided to start doing the sober space at pride and she had contacted gay and sober, but just never heard anything back. So she was super excited that I had contacted her and long story short, like we had this 45 minute long. Zoom conference, me, her, and the guy that does all the organizing for pride as well. And she was just like, so in love with my enthusiasm about everything that I experienced at the conference and like what I wanted to do in the future and where I wanted to take this that she ended up giving us basically everything for free that would normally cost lots of money, the tent and the tables and chairs and the space and the power and all sorts of stuff. And. Also told me that she wanted to build a relationship with games over that went beyond just pride because they have different events all throughout the year. And I was just like, Holy shit. I've just unlocked something big and was super excited. So yeah, pride is coming up Saturday and they have this entire sober space that they put it right at one of the main entrances that's directly next to what they call the diva stage. So that's where all the main entertainment is going to be like Monet X Change from RuPaul's Drag Race will be performing and all the local talent and whatnot. So we're going to have an entire area where they're going to have like a mocktail bar and they're going to have some drag Queens and adult entertainment models and all sorts of stuff. And then you'll find me, you and our friend Allen from the conference will be having a GSM tent. Talking about the conference and doing some raffles and

Steve: 46:37

have it a good time. Yes, I am very excited and grateful that you included me. So listeners, if you wanted to check it out, the information for Orlando pride, but this episode is coming out Thursday, the 19th, so it'll be two days after this episode comes out on the 21st. So hopefully you can check us out. And if listeners wanted to connect with you to help build that sober community, where would they find you on the socials?

Thomas: 47:05

So Instagram, I, I post every now and then my handle is Thomas underscore Andrew with two W's and then Facebook, Thomas Gronert, G R O N E R T. Feel free to add me.

Steve: 47:20

Excellent. Well, I'm sure this is the first of many guest appearances, but it was great getting to have you share your story with our listeners. Thank you so much.

Thomas: 47:30

Thank you so much for having me. I had so much more in mind and things that I wanted to share, but yeah, that's a lot of life to try to condense into Well, a little episode, you'll be back. Hopefully I got out enough content.

Steve: 47:45

Yeah, and if people want more content, they can head on over to the Patreon page'cause we're gonna have our post show where we're gonna. include some of the questions that I had planned or wanted to get to you today with you as well. So you can do that listeners by heading over to patreon. com backslash gay a podcast and be sure to follow us wherever you're listening right now so you can get these new episodes when they come out every Thursday. Until next time, stay sober friends. Bye.