Day Counting in Early Recovery ft. Drake

In this episode of the 'gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show,' Sober Steve interviews Drake G, who shares his remarkable journey of early sobriety and his transformative experiences within the queer and recovery communities. Drake discusses his past struggles with addiction, mental health, and his path to recovery, emphasizing the importance of community and support in his newfound sobriety.

00:00 Updates and Gratitude
01:53 Meet Drake: Early Sobriety Journey
03:42 Drake's Struggles with Addiction
09:48 Turning Point and Recovery
13:12 Life After Rehab
18:51 Future Plans and Final Thoughts

**Where to Find Us:**
- Drake on Instagram 🟢
- gAy A on IG 🟢
- gAy A everywhere else 🖇️

Transcript

Steve: 0:01

Hey there super sober heroes. Welcome to another episode of gAy A: the queer server hero show. I am so excited to share my full interview that I had with Drake the other day. He was a pleasure getting to know, and he's one of the earliest people in sobriety I've ever had on the podcast. And you can tell how excited he is about his recovery and it is certainly contagious. So I can guarantee that he will. Brighten your day in this interview. But before we get into that. I'm sober. Steve, the podcast guy here with 1,144 days sober. And today I am going to stop and take a moment to reflect on how grateful I am for my health. Mental, physical, and emotional. I talked a little bit about my physical health last week, answering Savannah's question leftover from the mail bags. But I recently also have been taking better care of my mental health both with connecting more with fellows going to meetings, but also working with therapy. Providers and healthcare provider is on my psychiatrist and psychologist to make sure that I am fully equipped and well-rounded in my head and in my heart. And so being mentally and emotionally as well as physically, well, right now, having that trifecta, I know is not something that everyone is blessed with. And I am very grateful for that. It's been a gift of sobriety being able to take care of myself. And in taking care of myself, well, I can then take care of others. Even more efficiently. So I am very happy that I'm also then able to pay a forward with those that I love in my life. I am, as I said, very grateful for Drake for this opportunity. Brandy, Joe friend of the pod connected us. And I am so excited to share Drake's excitement with you that I will just pass it over to. Our interview enjoy, and I will see you next week. Enjoy the interview. Hey there, super sober heroes. It's Steve here with Drake. Welcome to the show, Drake. Hello. Happy to be here. Thanks for having me. Yes. I am so excited that I got introduced to you through a friend of the podcast, Brandi Jo, who's been on a couple of times. So welcome. Why don't you introduce yourself to my listeners?

Drake: 2:11

my name is Drake G I'm from Troy, Michigan, and I've been sober for about 65 days and yeah, I'm here to talk about early sobriety and yeah, I'm a licensed aesthetician and massage therapist. yeah, glad to be here.

Steve: 2:23

Excellent. Yes. Well, yes, I love that you are so willing to be open and on so early on your recovery. I know when I first started a lot of times I would be worried or like have fears about having someone on before their 90 days just because I'm from 12 step programs. That's generally the rule. But I've had some guests that have 91 or like 92 days and have some of the most powerful things to say about sobriety that I don't see why someone else, like I said, you can help someone as long as you have a day under your belt. So I'm excited to get to know you better. What would you say is your favorite part this early in about being sober today? Definitely

Drake: 2:58

the community that I've developed. The fellowship, you know, meeting all these other people in sobriety. When I was using, I was very alone and isolated. And so having a, you know, a social life again, that's healthy and not just revolving around drugs and alcohol. It's just a really positive experience

Steve: 3:12

for me. That's excellent. And what would you say is your favorite part of being a member of the queer community today?

Drake: 3:19

Probably the fact that there's such diversity in the community, and we're all so accepting, and just you know, feeling at home with people that you can relate to, like, I love to talk about, like, drag race, and stuff like that, and so, I can relate to that with people in the queer community a lot more than people outside of that community.

Steve: 3:36

Yeah, excellent. It's always nice when we have things in common with our people around us. I love that. And so let's jump right into it and tell me a little bit about what your journey with drugs and alcohol was like and how you got here today.

Drake: 3:50

Okay, yeah. So I always grew up as a young child never feeling like I fit in. I always felt like different. And it wasn't the fact that I was gay. It was more so like I couldn't fit into social situations or ever felt included in conversations. And I was always like, kind of like that person looking at the glass window from the outside and looking at that party, wishing I could be as cure free and joyous as all of them, but I never seemed to fit in. So around the ages of 15. 14, 15, I discovered alcohol and then discovered marijuana and I started using socially. And eventually I came out as gay at the age of 16. And that's when I discovered the apps like grinder. And I started talking to older men and then I started using alcohol and where I'm on with them. So that's where my addiction kind of began to start. And then I went to college and he got into a lot of trouble. I one time got alcohol poisoning and blew a 0. 42 in college. I was hospitalized. And that was just one of many. Experiences that negative experiences I had with alcohol. I always was a blackout drinker, so I would always forget what happened the night before. And alcohol just led me down a really dangerous path. Like I said, I got in trouble with the law a lot. I was turned into a violent person, a sad person when I was drinking and, eventually, I moved back home from college and I still struggled with alcoholism for a while, I eventually saved up to get a condo of my own, and that's when I started going on the apps and experiencing meth. So that's when, my first time using meth, I was offered it at a hookup, and I was like, yeah, sure, I'll try it. I'm an addict. So I wanted to try everything and I loved it and I knew it was going to be a really terrible thing for me if I continued to ever do it again. So I stayed away from it for a while and then eventually I used it again. And then like once every few months I would use it when I would go on these hookups and always started with drinking, I would drink first and then go out. And hook up and then end up using math and every few months led to every month, every month led to every week. And then when I had my own condo, I was able to, use whenever I wanted to. And I ended up using at home every day. And that's when I became addicted to math. And in addition to math, I also became addicted to GHB and ketamine eventually. And a lot of terrible things happened during that time. It was probably my worst time in my life. My meth addiction lasted about a year and a half. I lost my job because I was staying up for days on end and I couldn't sleep. So I would end up like crashing and then missing work cause I would sleep through my alarms. So I lost my job and then meth made me have this like hypersexual appetite for sex. And I would just always want sex. So I decided, Hey, I'll become a prostitute. And I started prostituting and doing sex work for a living. And I was seeing about like six or seven guys a day and I was making really good money, but I became to feel like an object and I didn't feel like a human anymore. And people treated me differently. I wasn't treated as well by other people. I lost a lot of self respect and then the prostitution ended up leading to a career in porn. Where I did a lot of embarrassing things in my porn career, and there's still like videos to this day that are out there circulating me, and I don't let that haunt me anymore. I have accepted that and moved past that, but it was a period of my life where I was doing these really, like, high risk behaviors, and eventually actually before I started the prostitution and porn I found out I was HIV positive, and that Triggered me into a downward spiral because I was just devastated with like the fact that I had HIV and I thought I was going to die. I didn't understand that you can live a full, healthy life if you take medication for it. So I decided, you know, when I found out I had HIV, I was like, fuck it. I'm going to do whatever I want to do. I'm going to do as many drugs as I want to do. I'm going to have as much sex as I want to. I waited to have sex until I became undetectable. But then once I found out I was undetectable, I just like went crazy. The porn and prostitution and also drug dealing, I was selling a GHB to, that was how I made a living and I afforded my condo and all my cost of living. And so that lasted for about a year and a half. And what happened that made me stop the meth was my mental health started to deteriorate. The first signs of my mental health deteriorating were and it was due to the meth and the ketamine and GHB was I started thinking I had bugs like coming out of my skin and crawling over my skin. So I would like pick my face in the mirror for hours. I would pluck my hairs out and I would go to doctors like dermatologists saying that, Oh my gosh, I have these bugs coming out of my skin. They're all over my condo. I can't get rid of them. And it was all delusional Paris. And I didn't realize that at the time I thought it was really bugs. So that was kind of like the first signs that I was losing my mind. And then eventually I started hearing voices. And at first I thought it was like the neighbors through the walls because I lived in a condo complex. And I thought they were like speaking to me through the walls and I was like, why are they always talking to me? And then eventually I started to think it was like spirits and a spell that was put on me or something, and I had all these crazy storylines in my head that I believed were true. Like they would tell me that I was the second coming of Jesus Christ, and that I thought I was gonna rise one day, and that never happened, and then I thought that one time I thought that my mom was Satan, and that she was gonna kill me, and that I was The son of Satan and God, and that I was Jesus Christ, and it was crazy. All these things I believe were true. And then probably one of the craziest things I thought was that the world was going to be invaded by aliens and that I won this competition, this reality show called Alien Idol. And because I was the worst person in the world and that they were going to save me from the earth I believed I was going to get saved by these aliens. I guess you could say the aliens were my higher power back then, but it was just, it was really crazy. And so I ended up, one day my mom came over and I Had thought that she was Satan. So when she came into the house, I grabbed a two by four to try to defend myself thinking she was going to attack me while she called the police on me and they came into my condo and they ended up taking me to a mental hospital during my stay at the mental hospital, that's when I started to realize the drugs were the problem. That's why I was having all these mental issues. I realized it was drug induced schizophrenia from the drugs. So that's when I kind of realized I have to stop meth, ketamine and GHB. Stop it all. So I decided I was just going to smoke weed. That was almost two years ago. I quit meth. And then I started smoking weed and I became a daily thing, smoking weed every day. At this time I was going to a CMA, which is Crystal Meth Anonymous meeting once a week, but I wasn't sober. I didn't have a sponsor. I was still smoking weed and I was smoking so much weed that eventually I couldn't get high anymore. So then I went back to drinking. I was clean from drinking for about two years when I started meth, because it just didn't make me want to drink anymore, but then I went back to drinking after the weed and I was smoking weed and drinking every week I was drinking and then it turned into like every day I was drinking and the drinking led up to about 65 days ago when I got sober ended up getting a second DUI and I could say I never really had contact with a higher power and I was really foreign to me. I didn't grow up religious. So the idea of a higher power was just very foreign to me and I didn't understand it. But in that moment, when I got that second UI, I was steering in the rear view mirror of my car and saw those flashing lights. And I just took a deep breath and I was like, Oh my God, it's finally over. I don't have to do this anymore. I don't have to do drugs and drink anymore. I don't have to live this life anymore. Things need to change. And I finally. Believe that there was this power out there that could help me and that was my spiritual awakening that night in jail, I felt like I practiced the first three steps. I just came to believe that a power greater myself could restore me to sanity because I was still insane And I knew that I needed help, that I couldn't do it alone because I tried AA before, like seven years ago, I was introduced to AA through the courts on my first UI and I went to meetings, I got my sheet signed for courts, but I never really like truly the program where I had a sponsor, but it wasn't honest with them. And I didn't work the steps that well, I got to my fourth step, never finished it. And so I was kind of like half assing AA. And so I ended up going back out and drinking. This time I actually, I talked to my brother on the phone the day after my DUI. He has three years sober almost. He has his own sponses. So he gave me some good advice. He's like, Drake, I really think you need to go to rehab, get a fresh start and really try to work on your recovery and put that first. So I took his advice and I went to rehab at this place called Meridian in a city called Waterford nearby here. And it was like a Medicaid kind of rehab. So it was a little rough, but what I found there was Some amazing counseling and therapists and the people that worked there were just incredible. And I just took advantage of all of it. And I tried to learn as much as I could. And it really allowed me to build a basis for my recovery when I got on the outside world. And so when I was there, I kind of worked with my counselor on like some past trauma that I had and with like the sex work. Cause during that time of my sex work, I was robbed, I was beaten, I was raped. And I was like, I was using weed and alcohol to kind of deal with those things and I had to accept the fact that I used to be a porn star. I'd accept the fact that I have HIV. I'd accept the fact that I was a prostitute. I'd accept the fact that I had videos out there of me online everywhere. And it was just like this aha moment I had when I realized that's my past. And. I don't have to be haunted by that anymore. I can, take it as a way to learn and grow from it and kind of teach other people, what I went through, who can relate and, use it as a way to relate to them and show them that there's a way out of it and that you can grow from it. I don't feel guilty about my past anymore. Like the promises say, it says you won't regret the past. I don't shut the door on it. I don't forget about it. It's a good reminder of why I don't use anymore. And it keeps me sober. So that was like a big thing I learned in rehab. And then when I got out the day I got out, I was talking to a friend from CMA on Facebook Brandi Jo. And I was like, I'm looking for a sponsor. And he was like, well, I'll be your sponsor. And I was like, Oh my gosh, that was so easy. I'm so glad that he became my sponsor because he's someone I could feel like I could tell anything to. I could be honest. He's taught me how to be vulnerable at meetings and he's given me all these opportunities like this podcast and the opportunity to do an open talk. And so I started calling him every day and like working the steps. I did this Workbook called design for living where it has like 25 questions and about 6 to 8 readings for each step. And it goes into real detail for each step. And so I did that for steps one through three and now I'm on my fourth step right now. And I'm halfway through my inventory as I finished my resentment inventory and my fear inventory. And I've been working on it a little bit every day. I've decided I would do my 90 and 90 meetings. So right now I'm at I think like 53 meetings in the past 50 days. Cause I got a rehab, I was in rehab for two weeks. And so I started going to meetings every day and I was, Just vulnerable and honest and just shared by like my truth. And that has just helped me so much because you get true feedback when you're being honest. And that's one of my big things now is just being honest. Because before when I was using, I was so dishonest. I was a liar. I tried to control things by manipulating people to get the outcome I wanted. And so nowadays I practice every day not to do that. It can be tricky sometimes because I can catch myself like exaggerating numbers or making little white lies, and then I catch myself before I do it. And it's a challenge. I'm still working on it every day. And one of the big things I also started was prayer. I never prayed before in my life until I went to rehab. I started getting on my knees and praying every morning for another day, sober. And for the knowledge of my higher powers will and the power to carry that out. And then at night I pray, I actually thank my power for another day sober. And then I usually pray for other people that are suffering or sick, either physically sick or spiritually sick. I have to realize that they're spiritually sick and that they need help just like I needed help. And so I don't hold things against people anymore that they when they wrong me or they kind of irritate me. I pray for them instead. So that's what I say for my night prayer. And all those things I've been doing has just helped me become. A better person today and has improved my life immensely in the past, two months. It's just crazy how much things have changed in just two months. And that's why I feel comfortable doing this podcast so early in recovery, because I feel like I've put the work in this time and I've had results. And so maybe other people can learn about from the things I did and take things from that and practice in their life. So yeah, that's my story.

Steve: 15:51

I loved it. There was so much that I was able to relate with, The first time I got a DUI and I was forced to go to meetings I learned they weren't teaching me how to get away with it. Next time I was like, nope, not listening. I just wasn't ready yet. One thing I really appreciated about your share, especially as you were talking about, the last 65 days was just. How excited you are about your sobriety when I go to in person meetings, locally, especially where I'm with people that have 30, 40, 50 years of sobriety, it's inspiring and amazing. They lasted that long, but they talk about their lives or even their recovery sometimes. And it's like, they're just grumbling or miserable, I'm like, I don't want the life that you have. But right now, you're so excited for recovery. Out of all the changes that have happened in your life, the past 65 days, or so, what would you say has been the biggest, shocking change for you?

Drake: 16:36

The biggest change I've seen in my life since the last 65 days since working the program and everything has been my ability to let go of fear and the ability to put my fears and my worries in God's hands. I call my higher power God but you can call it whatever you want. It's this big relief and weight I have off my shoulders, you know, letting all those things go because I also worry about things in the future, not just the past, because I've had a very tumultuous past, but there's a lot of things going on in my life now in the future, like court and not knowing what's going to happen that I could just get really anxious and worried about. And I don't have those feelings anymore. I just give it up to God. When I have one of those negative thoughts in my mind, I think of God and said, I replaced with God and that's just a big tool I've learned. And that's something I'd never, ever did before. That is a surprise. I surprised myself with that sometimes because I was the most anxious, worrisome, negative thinking person before. And that's one of the biggest changes I've noticed in myself.

Steve: 17:34

That's excellent. I love that for you. How has your relationship with the queer community changed in your recovery?

Drake: 17:40

Before I feel like when I was using my relationship with the queer community was just about sex. It was all revolved around sex and drugs. And so I was kind of in like the soft white underbelly of the community where I was like around all the people that like, We're using each other to get high or for sex, and it was a very toxic environment, whereas now I've discovered this whole other side of the community on the sober side of the community where people actually care about each other and are able to uplift each other. And I've never really experienced that side of the community before, because even at a young age, I started going on the apps for sex and, and using alcohol and drugs. So I never had that relationship with the queer community, except for a few friends that I kept along the way that I had never used with that were just like real friends and I still have those friends to this day. I'm really grateful for them. They were with me through my meth addiction and everything, but there were just a few. And now I have like this whole community of people I can call friends in this short amount of time. I can, really rely on for support. And I can also be honest with them. I don't have to lie to them. I can, they've can relate to me. So it's a whole new side of the community I've never seen before. And it's just, it's awesome.

Steve: 18:51

Excellent. And with podcasting magic, you're on day 65 right now. Today is July 10th. What might you be doing to plan to celebrate 90 days if you keep at it one day at a time?

Drake: 19:04

Yeah, I have big plans for my 90 day celebration. Maybe go out to eat after with a group of guys from the program. Who knows? Maybe they'll bring me a cake or something. They do that for some guys on the program, but they don't have to. Usually they do that on a year. But yeah, I want to spend it with people in the program. Also my dad is my best friend. My dad and I have been really close my whole life and he's my biggest supporter. So maybe do something with him. Cause I know he's very proud of me right now. I'm also chairing a meeting now. I became a chairperson for this artists in recovery meeting locally. And that's something I never did before was actually do service for the community, the AA community and really immerse myself in the program. So I hope I get to celebrate it there and really share it with all the people that I've come close to in that meeting.

Steve: 19:43

That's excellent. And I love hearing about like your dad being your best friend, cause that's not something you hear from a lot of people. How has your relationship with him changed from going through your addiction to into your sobriety today?

Drake: 19:55

Before we were smoking weed buddies, like he smokes weed. So we used to like bond over that. And now today he doesn't smoke around me or anything. So when he's around me, he's sober. And we have a more genuine connection. And I've changed a lot of my personality since quitting weed. We'd made me very self conscious and quieter. And I wasn't as outgoing and honest, I guess with other people. So now I can really talk to him about things I'm feeling and we can have more genuine conversations instead of things just revolving around weed and video games. So we have this deeper connection now that we didn't have before. And I think kind of inspiring him to quit weed. He's been talking about wanting to do that which is up to him. If I'm inspiring him to change, that's awesome.

Steve: 20:38

Yeah, that is awesome. You are definitely inspiring other people. I can tell that already, Jake, and especially having the meth experience, which oftentimes makes sex trickier, but then also having worked in the sex industry. What's the plan? Of, Untangling that, or resetting that when you are ready to dip your toes back out there again.

Drake: 20:59

Yeah, sex is a tricky subject. I have a tricky relationship with it. I haven't had sex in actually, like, almost two years. Like, anal sex. I've had oral sex, but very few times Sex became like a job to me in a weird way, and it wasn't fun anymore. And I'm also on some heavy duty schizophrenia meds that kind of inhibit my sex drive. But eventually I'm going to get off that medication, I think, because now I'm farther away from the drugs. I was hearing voices like crazy when I was on meth and they're bad voices. And then when I was on weed, I was still hearing voices, but They would tell me you need to go to rehab. You need to quit smoking cigarettes. You need to quit drinking. Like that's what the voices were when I was on weed, but they were less often and not as vivid. But now that I'm sober, I don't hear voices at all. And I think that's definitely drug related, the schizophrenia. And so once I. Get to talk to my nurse practitioner about that. I can eventually get off these meds that I'm on, I think. And that will probably allow me to have more of a sex drive. But as of now, I have really no desire to have sex. And I know you're not supposed to date within your first year of sobriety. So I'm not really looking to date either, even though I'd love to find someone because I'm single. I've been single for like a year and a half, but eventually that will happen. And I know my sex drive will come back. When I do go back to sex, I definitely won't be around people that are using meth. I'll try to scope that out before I talk to them or try to see if they're using, because that would be probably a trigger for me. I just know that sex and meth went together, and so if I'm seeing sex and meth together, it would be a trigger. It would be a little bit of a temptation to use, right now the desire to use and to relapse is like so far gone for me. I haven't had any urges or anything since I've gotten sober, which I think my higher power for I just haven't had any urge to use. And I think it's like my environment and the things I'm doing every day to stay sober. I put a lot in my day to fill it with sobriety and recovery so that I stay focused on that. And I think that's keeping those urges away. So I think if, as long as I'm still immersed in the program and, going to meetings regularly, like multiple times a week and doing service work and working the steps, I think I'll be okay if I have sex. Cause I'll still have those tools in my pocket to deal with those situations when they arise.

Steve: 23:04

Well, thank you so much. And what would be one last word or bit of advice for someone listening about sobriety?

Drake: 23:15

Don't do it on your own. You can't do it on your own. Don't be afraid to ask for help because people in the program helping you helps them. It's a win win relationship. A sponsor loves to have sponsors because they keep them, him sober or her sober. And. Sponsor helps keep you sober. They will really help you guide you through the steps. And also get involved in the program. Don't just show up in like not share and, and leave right after the meeting and feel self conscious. That's how I felt before I felt self conscious. I felt like people were going to judge me. I thought that I would say something stupid or that they wouldn't accept me, but it's not like that people in the program love accepting newcomers. You're the most important person in the room when you're a newcomer. Just know that you are welcome to AA or NA or CMA, wherever you go, and that the things that people do in there are showing you that it works. So just do what other people are doing that seem like it's working for them, ask them what they're doing and then just do what they're doing. It will eventually work for you. If it doesn't work, right. Like for me, it. Happened quickly. The program started giving me the promises real quick. But the promises will come, listen to those promises. When you go to a meeting, those will come true for you if you work the steps and if you are involved in the program. So yeah, that's what I would say.

Steve: 24:25

I love that. When I first started, I thought the promises, I was like, yep, this is proof. It's a cult. But now I'm like, wow, I have most of those most days. That's pretty cool.

Drake: 24:34

Yeah, definitely.

Steve: 24:35

Excellent. And if someone wanted to connect with you, connect with you, how would they find you?

Drake: 24:40

You can find me on Instagram at Drake, D R A K E G 1994, Drake G 1994. And then I'm on Facebook Drake Gamelin, G A M E L I N. You could add me there.

Steve: 24:52

Yeah, I'd love to connect. Thank you so much, Drake and listeners. Yeah, reach out to him. He's awesome. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you listeners for tuning into another episode of Gay A. As always, make sure you're following us so you can get these new episodes every Thursday and tell a friend. It might help keep them sober. Until next time, stay sober, friends.