Discovering Your Identity ft. Brandy Joe

Steve welcomes back Brandy Joe to talk on the topic of Discovering Your Identity in sobriety.

Follow Brandy Joe on Instagram @brandyjoeplamby and follow us while you are at it @gAyApodcast.
 
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Transcript

Steve: 0:56

Hi everyone. And welcome to gay. A podcast about sobriety for the LGBTQ plus community and our allies. I'm your host, Steve Bennet-Martin. I am an alcoholic and I am grateful for my upcoming trip to pod Fest to help elevate this podcast to the next level. As of this recording, I am 347 days sober. And today we're welcoming back Brandy Joe. Talk about the topic of identity. Welcome back to the show.

Brandy Joe: 1:19

Hello? Oh my God. Congratulations. Almost a year. That's so exciting. Yeah.

Steve: 1:24

Thank you. Yes. I'm actually going to heading one year while I'm at pod Fest. Oh

Brandy Joe: 1:29

my God. That's amazing. Steve. And I have

Steve: 1:32

to keep on telling people it's pod with a D cause people keep thinking, I say pot Fest and they're like, how are you when you're sober? If you're going to

Brandy Joe: 1:39

a pot Fest. Oh my God. That's hilarious.

Steve: 1:42

But yes, it's my podcasting conference and I'll be heading one year at that time. So I'm very excited for it.

Brandy Joe: 1:49

Oh my God. You are so incredible. It's such an inspiration.

Steve: 1:51

Oh, thank you. You recently shared at one of my meetings and you are an inspiration as well. Everyone loves.

Brandy Joe: 1:57

Oh my God. That was so cool. I got to come back. There was just, it's so cool to attend like a new meeting via zoom, especially one that was like you know, an LGBTQ plus meeting. And there were so many people there. It was

Steve: 2:10

exciting. Yes. Well, what's been new in your life since our last episode, which was wow. It was back in February. Oh, my

Brandy Joe: 2:16

God, it feels like just yesterday. You know, still live in life, loving life that hasn't changed. But I did celebrate four years of continuous sobriety on March 22nd. So that's probably the most exciting thing that's happened. Thank you so much. And aside from that, just been busy with theater and my day job, that's pretty much been about it.

Steve: 2:39

Well out of all the topics that I gave you to kind of pick from or choose your own, why did you choose discovering your identity?

Brandy Joe: 2:48

You know, I think I chose it because, I mean, it's still something I'm not going to say I struggle with, but still something I work on pretty much every day. And I find it to be something that was played a huge part in my addiction, as well as my recovery. Like I think that. It works within both very much so. So when I looked at the, the topics that I could talk about, it just was the one that just like shown through that. I was like, I got to talk about that one because I can just feel it so deeply in my soul. Yeah.

Steve: 3:20

Well, speaking of that soul, how would you say you've struggled with your identity in the past?

Brandy Joe: 3:25

You know, when I was a kid, like, I've always been kind of a chubby gay kids, even though like before I came out, I still just had like the same sort of personality. I was like, you know, all girls, best friends, even when I was like, you know, quote unquote straight. But like when I was in grade school, I was like the popular kid, you know, like I was friends with everybody, everything was great. And then I got to junior high school and all of a sudden, like all of our, you know, four elementary schools like merged into one and all of a sudden I was just like, like, I didn't have any. And so it really struggled throughout junior high school to like find myself again. And then when I got into high school, like in ninth grade, I got into theater and forensics and I found this group of sort of weirdos that I really could be myself around. And so like, I, once again, sort of came into my own and like I had the best high school experience because I was like I said, like I was everybody's friend. I was quirky. I was weird. I, but I like was totally sober. Partially probably because my dad was a cop and my mom was a teacher and I was in a small, small town. So like, there were just all these things. I just didn't need it. Like, I just was able to be myself around my, kind of my close friends who were also just like theater geeks and, you know, eccentric. And then when I got to college is when I started to come into my own with my sexuality and, you know, then I started to go. Clubs and bars and things like that. Even at like 18, like we're like the 18 and up nights. And I just sort of started struggling with it all over again because I was all of a sudden, it was like, I was back in that like seventh grade mindset. I was around all these people and I wasn't the cool kid. I was like the chubby, you know, not cute guy and. When I started to drink. And when I started to explore drugs, that all sort of started to change. I started to be able to get out on the dance floor. I could button my shirt, a couple notches. I could talk to boys and it just made me feel confident and comfortable and sexy to be fucked up. And in these environments with a bunch of gay guys and. You know, then things sort of just like went up and down for like the next probably, you know, 20 plus years. And I started to really struggle, you know, with with addiction, with crystal meth and Adderall and pot. Like I just, I needed all of these substances to experience life, to its fullest in some way as like what I thought or how I felt. And so. And then getting sober. I have been able to like, be like, okay, why did I feel like I needed those substances to feel sexy, to feel confident, to enjoy food, to enjoy a movie, to be able to have a good time. So then I started like have to like work through it again and try to find again like that sort of that kid, that I was in high school where I. Need to be fucked up. And I could just be surrounded by people that, that, you know, loved me and that, you know, I could just be who I was without all of that. So it's really, it's sort of comes like hand in hand. Like they, I guess that's just sort of the up and down of how I overall feel my identity has sort of played into who I am both in and out of my addictions.

Steve: 6:36

Yeah. I know that. I feel like a lot of us struggle as we, you know, are going through puberty and early adulthood. Just like learning how to be an adult in this role. Cause that's like one thing they don't teach you in school or you don't get a class on how to function as an adult. But then it's certainly, you know, eventually drinking for me and like marijuana, like became like part of my identity for a while. And so getting sober, it was like, well, what's my identity now. Exactly. And so being that identity is something that always changes as of today, who is Brandy Joe,

Brandy Joe: 7:10

you know, I'm, I'm been trying, I know I just mentioned this, but I've been trying to like find my way back to that kid. I became in high school, which like really, I mean, when I was that, that kid, like. I had so much fun. I never thought about needing any sort of substances. Like I hadn't experienced some yet, but like, I'm just this weird kind of funny, kind of silly guy with like a big part. And I, I love scary movies and I love hats. I have so many hats. I love theater and. I believe in doing the right thing. And you know, I always am, I'm an appreciative sort of person. Like I remember my dad once told me, like when I was starting to get like my first jobs and things like that, he's like make yourself indispensable. Because like, when you go into these jobs, like you want to just like always be working. And I sort of feel like. Carry that over into like my everyday life and a little bit, like, I'm always trying to be helpful wherever I can be, which is something now that like, I do my like morning meditations within sobriety. I say like, you know, where there's an opportunity for me to be of service. Like let me have the strength to do it. And I see. I feel like that's always been a little part of me. I do definitely struggle with like wanting everybody to like me. That is definitely a part of me as kind of always been that. And it hasn't changed much as much as I would like to not care so much. So I try to get a little bit away from that and be like, it's okay with who you are. So I definitely try to please. I try to be, I'm a pleaser. I try to always be of help and assistance and. And, you know, I feel like I'm a good friend and a good guy, a fun guy to be around. so I always try to be the life of the party even. As I'm not now like actively partying, like with substances and getting high and drunk. Like, I still think that I, I try to be the life of like my life of like the, you know, when I'm in a situation, I try to still have that, that spark in that spirit. I think.

Steve: 9:11

Yeah. And I think you do an amazing job with it. You have so much energy. It's surprising. You're not on uppers anymore.

Brandy Joe: 9:18

I know one of my friends, I remember it was maybe like the first summer after I got sober and I've been very open about being sober and we were in a rehearsal. I was directing and I just was like so weird. Such like a funny like mood. And I was like, oh my God, I'm just, I feel like I'm S I'm so glad that it can still be like a little weird and quirky, even not high. And one of my friends was like, I think you're weird or now. And I was like, I take that as such a compliment. Yeah.

Steve: 9:44

I know that it was funny. I was like giddy for like almost two to two days the other day. I think it was like last week I was reading in the big book with my sponsor. And they got to a part in like the chapter of helping others, where they were like, and you can still do these things, like, you know, go to parties, go to bars, even enjoy good old fashioned Whoopi parties,

Brandy Joe: 10:06

Whoopi party.

Steve: 10:08

It's not like a sex party. Well, and that, that's what I became convinced on. And my sponsor was like, no, like we Googled it. And it was like a Disney cartoon short from like the 1930s about them all just having like a good old time together. But I mean, I like, loved that phrase so much of like, we can do all these things, even good old fashion or GS that like, I like talk to like so many fellows where I was like, I sent them the picture from the big book and I was like, this is orgies. Right? They're like, yeah, like he parties, like they were freaky old horseback. And I just got so tickled by that verbiage.

Brandy Joe: 10:43

That is amazing. I'm going to start seeing what B

Steve: 10:45

party for sure. Yeah. I was like, that's what we should call like our like micro home group. It was like fellowship every month in New York. And I was like, we should start calling them Whoopi parties,

Brandy Joe: 10:54

please, Joe. I love that.

Steve: 10:56

Yes. Now, in order to help us prepare for this conversation, I found an article that had kind of questions that are designed to help some. Discover their identity. I covered a few in our previous episode with Charlie gray, but I saved some good ones for us here today. Don't you worry? Oh, good. Thanks. So Brandy, Joe, what do you believe in?

Brandy Joe: 11:17

Oh boy, that's heavy, Steve. I mean, I think above all, I believe in love and kindness. Like to me, I mean, I think this is fine to say, but like for me right now, my higher power is love. That's sort of what I pray to is the F like this entity of love and kindness, like to me right now, that is my higher power. It's definitely sort of evolved and shifted over the years. But as of today, that's what it is. So I'd say I believe in that. And I try to always tune into that. I asked for the strength to be able to tap into love when I'm feeling stressed or mad or sad or whatever. Like I try to tap into that. So I think like above all, that's what I believe in. But I also really believe in being open-minded and an accepted. And I feel like you don't have to do something just because societal norms tell you that that's what you should do or how you should feel like I really love Rocky horror show because. Kind of taps into how I feel about like sexuality, like you, and I love just what it says. It sort of speaks to my aesthetic on, on love and sex and that like, you should just like, you should do what feels good and right. As long as everyone involved is on the same page of course, like, but that you should be able to explore and feel what makes you happy. And so I guess that's a little bit of what I believe in, I guess, over. Yeah.

Steve: 12:50

I mean, I definitely feel like having a belief in a higher power has been like game-changing for me, even though I'm still, you know, when you're into sobriety kind of figuring out what that higher power is. I know certainly believe in love and happiness. I also just believe like very big into like the basic, like do unto others as you would want them to do to you and just. You know, and I believe in helping people, like, I mean, I do that for a career. I do that through podcasting. I do that wherever I can is just like, how can I be of service? Not just to like my fellow alcoholics, but just to my fellow human beings in general is like, how can I help? What can I contribute? What can I bring to the. And just hopefully paying it forward. You are. I

Brandy Joe: 13:28

mean, the fact, I just love that you started this podcast so early in your journey, it's just so powerful. I was just talking about the other day with a group of people and I was like, it's just so cool. Like how neat for you to be able to have this sort of recorded history of your. Not to mention just anybody fresh and recovery, not to mention someone who is queer or trans or gay or lesbian or whatever, like someone who's a little bit outside, again, the societal norm you know, can really listen to you and your podcasts and get so much out of it and sort of take their journey along with yours. And I just, I think. So fucking cool. I'm like, why didn't I think of that? So, but yes, I I'm in total. Awe, you're a

Steve: 14:13

part of it now and you're always welcome back. I'm sure this won't be the last time the listeners hear from Brandy Jo. Now, what would you say is something that you're interested in trying, but haven't tried yet.

Brandy Joe: 14:27

Oh, well so this is interesting four years into sobriety. I can't believe I'm saying this, but being a sponsor, honestly, no one has asked me that's not true. One person has asked me to be their sponsor and that person will only want. Crystal meth, but still wanted to drink and smoke pot. And on the guidance of my sponsor, I told this person like, I really can't sponsor you unless you're willing to give up all mind altering substances, but I can be your friend. I can be supportive of you. I can be here for you to talk to anytime. And then that person just sort of stopped talking, stopped talking to me. So, and it scares me. I'll be quite honest. It's the idea of being a sponsor is very scary to me. But like, I know it's a part of the process. And so I know when someone asks me, I have to be able to be like, yeah, I'll do that. And like, here's what you need to do. You need to call me every day. You should do 90 and 90. We need to go through the steps. Like I know just the basics. I'm like what I need to do. But it scares me. I guess that's something that I am very interested in, a very scared to do, but that I know. Part of the journey. And so I think I'm looking forward to that and I can just like, feel that it's coming, like when I'm in a meeting and they say like, is anyone here willing to sponsor? I always raise my hand. Like I said, it just doesn't happen for whatever reason. It just hasn't happened. And it's interesting because I asked, I think five people to be my sponsors and was turned down every time in the first couple of months of my sobriety. And it wasn't like, oh God, I'm not going to sponsor you. It was like, I have too many sponsees. I don't have time. Or, you know, I can, again, like, I'll talk to you, but I can't be your sponsor. I just, I have too many people under my belt or whatever. And so like, I had such a complex about it in the beginning. And so. You know, I try to be just like this open here I am. But I also was told by my sponsor, someone has to take that initiative. They have to ask you, you can't say, do you want me to be your sponsor? They have to take that initiative and that responsibility to ask you. So I'm here. I'm willing, I'm willing.

Steve: 16:26

Yes while you've put that out in the universe now. And who knows, maybe one of our listeners will email you asking. I know that. I know that. Yeah. I know that the idea of sponsorship is something that's been on my mind recently, now that I am coming up on a year and like finishing up my 12th step and I'm like, I'll be ready. Like by that one year mark to start. And I'm already stepping into a role of like, in my home group of being like the sponsorship chairperson to. Connects people. So like once I can, I'll be like right there where I can be like, well, I can connect you to someone else or I can connect you to me or I'll connect you to Brandy Joe. But like, I can connect you to someone. And so Kristen, my, my, I call her my sober sister cause we're so like our sobriety dates are three days apart. We've been like talking about like, well, what are your fears? What are your hopes? Like what are with all of that with sponsoring? So it's, it's certainly going to be an interesting, next part of my. I would say that that's something I'm interested in trying, but haven't attempted yet as well, as well as, I mean, I've tried meditating, but I need to get like more serious with it, like, yeah. But now getting to your job, what do you like about your.

Brandy Joe: 17:36

You know, I work in like early career recruitment. Like I work at an automobile company. I don't know if I'm allowed to say it or not. So I won't, but like one of the big three here in Detroit and I work with. You know, hiring interns and people just out of college into the company. So that's very exciting. It's like that exciting time in someone's life when they're like getting into, you know, their careers and exploring things. And so like, I love that it's like a very exciting time in someone's life and I'm also greatly encouraged by everyone I work with to just be myself. Like I remember I, I host a lot of events and. And like, I've been able to really tap into and get comfortable with who I am in regards to being that host, like really listening to people and, you know, having these conversations as opposed to just being someone who asks questions. But then like I hosted this event for like a group of veterans and I was so nervous because I'm like, these are, this is not my audience. Like when I'm hosting an event for, you know, a bunch of gay people or whatever, I could so easy to just be me, it'd be branded drought. But like, I'm like all of a sudden I'm like, do I need. Hello. And welcome to this event. My boss is like, no, you need to be you. Like, that's why you're here. That's why we hired you. Like, just be you. And I'm greatly encouraged to be me at all times. And I think that the job along with being sober has helped me be that person to be myself and to be comfortable with it. And. There's a spark in me and a joy and I should never feel like I need to stifle it. And my job has really helped me do that. I think,

Steve: 19:14

yeah. I would say similarly, I mean, as much as I love in general that every day I'm like helping people during a difficult, stressful part of their lives. Like, I really just also love the job for what it's given me in terms of being able to be myself, like to they're very much like, you know, Like supportive of everything, you know, with like even very early on, it ends up. I found out like just the other week that like, within my first month they had someone who called and like inquired and was like, that was a homosexual and like called HR and was like, how dare you put me in touch with a homosexual. Woman. That is a problem with you. Not with him. He is perfect and wonderful and delightful and like you're hateful and like, look completely like had my back with that. But like my supervisor is even like, you know, let's go get our nails done together. And so like, we'll get like our nails done and painted and get pedicures. I remember, even when I was recently job hunting, like one of the places that I applied for, like said during the interview, like, you know, and you won't be able to paint your nails because all people are uncomfortable with that kind of thing. And like, here they're like, you work with seniors every day, but like the ones that like, love it, love it. And like, love me for it for being myself and the ones who were like, are somewhat confused. Like they don't care about. They're like, that's not the kind of business we want to be getting any eat anyway. So this has been really great being able to be my authentic self while also still making a difference in helping people.

Brandy Joe: 20:35

Totally.

Steve: 20:36

I love that. Yeah. And I mean, I love how, like they ask you questions about like your job for your identity, but I guess like in hindsight, like it is such a part of your identity since it's something you're spending like 40 plus hours a week.

Brandy Joe: 20:47

Yeah. And I mean, quite honestly, it's the last place I imagined myself being. And when I have these interviews, like when I interview people coming in for like their internship and they asked me about my job, I always talk about that because I'm like, this is the last place I ever imagined. I would end up working. I'm just gonna say I work at Ford. I never imagined myself to be afford, but I was desperately in need of a job. And I had sort of like a, you know, like a head hunter, like looking out for me. And he got me this interview and I was like, I'm never going to get this job. But like I went in and like immediately felt so at home with the people who interviewed me, they made me feel so comfortable and welcome. And I was like, oh my God, I want this job. I want to work at Ford. And. It was just like, I didn't think I could come in there and be myself. It's like this, you know, it's just in my mind growing up and being from Wyoming and just like, I imagine like an automobile company would be sort of not stuffy, but very conservative and that it would be the last place that could be myself, but it's been the exact opposite. I've been able to find myself there. And I think the only thing I dislike about the job is the fact that, you know, I'm not a car person. So when it comes to like, You know, I don't know much about cars. Like they had to teach me what certain Ford automobiles were when I started there. So that's like the only thing I dislike about it, which really is just more of a personal thing. Like, I'm just don't have that passion for cars, but I have a passion for, you know, early career development and things like that. So I'm able to still make it all

Steve: 22:11

work. Yes. Well, funny story. The only cars I've ever bought are Ford cars. Oh, really? I love that. So, and I don't know the first thing about cars either. Mostly it's because they keep on working and getting me to where I want to go. And so until they tell me, like, until they give me a reason not to keep coming back, I'm just going to keep coming back, keep coming back.

Brandy Joe: 22:32

That's what they

Steve: 22:32

say. Yes. And I mean, you answered like what you dislike about your job? I mean, I would say for me, It's I'm still in the honeymoon phase of my new job. I've only been doing it for about like three and a half to four months. So I still like love like most of it, I would say that like, there are times at certain networking events, like part of what I love about the job is that I get to go networking again with all these professionals that like I've missed working with. But there are certain like event formats where I might like three times in a week have to go around in a circle where we all say who we are and what we do. With the same group of 15 to 20 individuals. So like three times in one week I might have to spend like a total of three hours, like an hour, each time, like sitting around like hearing the same person, say their company and their 32nd commercial. And then the next person say their company in their 32nd commercial. And I want to be like, I know all of you, I don't need to hear this, and this is an hour, but you can't be that girl. And like, Walk out or just be like, this isn't worth my time. Like I have, I feel like I have to kind of play nice, but like, those are the times where I'm just like, I just want to take a nap or like, I can't believe I woke up at eight o'clock in the morning, like where I was like at an 8:00 AM event. Just so I can hear everyone. I know, say what they do, but I already know.

Brandy Joe: 23:50

Yeah, no, that's gotta be a little exhausting. Yes. We just breathe through it. Right?

Steve: 23:55

I do. I breathe through it. I say the serenity prayer inside my head a couple of times. Okay. Speaking of what we say to ourselves, what is your inner critic? Teleo?

Brandy Joe: 24:07

You know, it likes to tell me that I'm not as good as other people. Like if I'm swimming, when I do swim, it's been awhile. I need to get like back in the rhythm. But if I'm swimming, I'm comparing myself to the person in the lane next to me, like, Ooh, I'm going faster than them, or, oh my God, there's so much faster than me. I'm not as fast as them. They're better than me. As simple as that to, you know, any other facet of my life. Like it likes to tell me that. There are things about me that aren't as good as other people. Like I, you know, that I'm, I'm chubbier than someone else, or I'm not as cute as someone else, or someone else has more hair than me or on an emotional level. Like maybe I'm too loud or I'm not talented enough or I'm annoying. Like, that's my inner critic just likes to sort of break me down and compare me to other people and tell me that other people don't like me for who I am. I think that's for the most part, the main. That, that nasty inner critic likes to do. What about yours?

Steve: 25:02

Yeah. I mean, I would say like, I certainly have like the devil on my shoulder always telling me I'm not good enough, but I also have another one. That's always saying like, you need more like that. Like, nothing I ever do will be enough that like, you know, I could have one cookie, but you could have more or like, you know, you, you know, you you'll land that sale, but you're like, but you didn't land to sales like that. It's always just like that. Whatever I do is never good enough that I always would do something just a little bit more, a little bit. And I have to struggle with that sometimes. Cause like I was not to toot my own horn, but I'm going to toot it. I was like the number one salesperson, like last month in my company where like I had the most number of sales and like being like three months in, it was like really a big accomplishment. But at the same time, like. We're in the first week of April now and, or, I mean, first week of may now. And like, I haven't, I've only gotten like two sales. I'm like, oh, I'm not going to win it again. Like, oh no, I'm such a failure. And I have to be like, no, it's okay. Like, you can't be perfect and busy and you know, running at 120%, like 24 7 that it like, sometimes that is enough. And it's just hard because my inner voice always tells me that it's not enough. I'm not enough. Yeah.

Brandy Joe: 26:08

Yeah.

Steve: 26:11

Yeah. Now fill in the blank. I know I am stressed when I blank.

Brandy Joe: 26:16

Dream about the stressful things going on in my life. That's the big one. I definitely am the kind of person, like something will kind of keep me up at night, but it will also I'll dream about it over and over and over, like something with a job, some big thing. I'll just dream about it consistently all night. Also, when I get snippy and bitchy and like snap at people, like I know that's when I'm really stressed when I can just like, feel the water rising inside of me. And I'm like, and I just like last year, Like, cause that's not who I I'm as a normal person, but like when I am stressed I can get snippy

Steve: 26:50

and bitchy. Yeah. I can relate. I know I'm stressed when like I, I snap or I bitch at people. I, or when I don't have caffeine before my morning coffee, my like my husband this morning was like, I was up for like all of three minutes. And he's like, are you ready to meditate together? Meditate yourself, like so grumpy. And I know that he was only trying to be helpful, but I was still like half asleep and I was like, I knew my S my caffeine and then I'll be okay. So I know I'm stressed when I get like snappier bitchy too. And I also, when I eat, like, I'm definitely am a stress eater recently, and I'm trying to get better with that. So yeah, I know.

Brandy Joe: 27:27

I understand that as well. Yes.

Steve: 27:29

Now back to our discussion with like, what kind of advice would you give to someone who is struggling with their identity?

Brandy Joe: 27:38

I would definitely say surround yourself with people that know you for who you are in, love you for who you are and those people that aren't. That group, I would say spend less time with them. And if everyone in your life is like that, It's okay to be alone too. It's okay. To spend time with yourself then with some people who make you feel bad about who you are or make you feel less than. So that's a big one. Also something that's been big for me as like, am I mourning meditation? Like when I do like my gratitude list, I mean, my morning meditation is like, sort of consists of a gradualist and like my prayers. So, but one thing I like to do when I have my sort of gratitude list, I list. And I do my graduate list like aloud. And I say like, the things that I'm grateful for that are the things I'm most insecure about. Like I'm grateful for my crooked teeth. I'm grateful for my big nose and grateful for my bald head. But I also say things that I, I love about myself. Like I'm grateful for my beard and my blue eyes and my smile. Like, they're just things that I, I try to like weigh them out both because, you know, as much as I don't like my bald head, like if I couldn't have a beard also, like I would like, you know, It's so sad. Like, I guess I'm just, there's always something worse than what you currently have that you don't like. And so I just, like, I tried to like put it in perspective and be like, it's okay. That I have love handles. Like I also like, you know, like other things about myself, I like my calves and, you know, I like my legs, like whatever. Like, so I tried to have an equal balance there and be grateful for my insecurities as well. And the other thing I'd say is like, feed your passions. Like whatever you love. Like, I love horror movies. I love podcasts. So my friend and I started a podcast like a little over a year ago, and I know you have done the same thing. More time and time again. And also like theater, like is a huge thing for me. And I've been able to sort of pour myself into my creativity throughout my sobriety, which is also very helpful. So however, you're passionate, like find a way to really feed that passion. I think that's a huge part of being able to explore who you are and love what you do in life. So even if you have a day job that is like clerical and you don't love that, like when you're off. Find a way to, to dive into what you truly

Steve: 29:57

love. Yeah. I mean, I, I couldn't agree more. I know that for the longest time, like I struggled finding a job that I was happy in because I was looking to find a job that would define me or give me my identity or give me my sense. I, I grew up like earth people, like who stayed in like one position, like their entire lives. And if you left your job, it's like what happened? You're a failure. So I was like, I have to find a job I'm going to be at for 30 years. And like, Or a 40 years or 50 years or whatever, but like, and then I'll die, like, and, you know, just work until you die and make sure that it's something that like you love because it's your entire life. And so just realizing that. I have my job be something that I enjoy, but don't, I don't identify myself or define myself by the job that I have any more. I define it by a lot of my extracurricular activities, which are no longer drinking and doing drugs, but instead it's like the podcasting, the, you know, working in the sobriety and the program and my friendships and, you know, all of that kind of stuff has been certainly feeding my soul a lot more and it makes everything better when you're kind of just chasing what makes you have.

Brandy Joe: 31:04

It's so true. Yeah. That makes all the rest of it worth it, I

Steve: 31:07

think. Yeah. And looking ahead, what's in store for brands.

Brandy Joe: 31:10

This summer I'm directing a play called you've got male, M a L E, which is like a gay romcom musical mashup, which is like, you've got mail and sleepless in Seattle and my best friend's wedding and the wedding planner all sort of mashed together, but with like gay storylines. So I'm really excited about that. Some friends of mine wrote it and I'm directing it. And so that's going to be a lot of fun to, you know, just do like a wild, crazy gay. Show throughout the summer. I, you know, I think it's be a lot of fun. So that's the big thing on my horizon that I'm looking forward to. And then just continuing to do creative theater throughout all of next year as well. So, and you know, hopefully being a sponsor. Yeah.

Steve: 31:52

Hopefully. Well, tell our listeners how they can find you if they want to find your podcast or they wanna find your show or they want to have you be there.

Brandy Joe: 32:03

Well, sure. So you can find me on Instagram. My Instagram name is Brandy Jo plan B, which my last name is plan back. So that's B R a N D Y J O E P L a M B Y. Brandy Joe plan B. And my podcast is scaring is sharing and you can put all those words together on Instagram and find us there. And yeah, if you just, I mean, there's not many Brandy Joe plan backs out in the world, so, you know, you can find me on Facebook or wherever. Twitter. I don't, I don't really hang out on Twitter. So me

Steve: 32:36

either. I'm proud enough when I get to do my regular Instagramming.

Brandy Joe: 32:42

Yes. Yes, exactly. You're so

Steve: 32:44

good on Instagram too. I try, I go into phases. You'll see. There are like weeks where I'm like every two to three days I'm posting them. Month break, but progress, not perfection.

Brandy Joe: 32:57

That's right. That's right. That's what my sponsor always

Steve: 32:59

says. Yes. Well, thank you so much for coming back. Brandy, Joe, it's a pleasure as always.

Brandy Joe: 33:04

Oh my God. Thank you so much for having me. It's always a delight to see you and talk with you. Yes.

Steve: 33:08

And thank you listeners for tuning into another episode of gay podcast, please rate and review. If you found this information help. If you're interested in sharing your story or getting involved with the show, you can find me on Instagram at gay a podcast, or email me directly@gayapodcastatgmail.com. Be sure you're following us wherever you're listening so you can get new episodes when they come out every Monday and Thursday until next time stay sober friends.