gAy A: A Queer Sober Podcast

I Am... Ft. Tim G

July 21, 2022 Steve Bennet-Martin Season 1 Episode 93
gAy A: A Queer Sober Podcast
I Am... Ft. Tim G
Show Notes Transcript

Steve welcomes Tim to share their experience, strength, and hope with you, along with advice on getting and staying sober.

Thank you for listening. Please join our Patreon family for more exclusive content at www.Patreon.com/gAyApodcast

Follow Tim on Instagram  @the_timgilmore , and follow us while you are at it @gAyApodcast

If you are interested in sharing your story, getting involved with the show, or just saying hi, please e-mail me at gayapodcast@gmail.com

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Steve:

Hi everyone. And welcome to gay a, a podcast at sobriety for the LGBT plus community and our allies. I'm your host, Steve Bennet-Martin. I am an alcoholic and am grateful for learning to love myself in my sobriety. As of this recording, I am four in three days sober and say, we're welcoming a guest to share their experience, wisdom and hope with you. Welcome to the show, Tim.

Tim:

Thank you for

Steve:

having me, my pleasure. And I'm excited to get to know you better, cuz I've been following you on Instagram for some time now, and I'm just really inspired by your story. So I'm excited to learn more about it and share it with the listeners.

Tim:

Well, my name is Tim Gilmore. I'm 38 and I'm from Springfield, Missouri. And as of the 20th of this month, it'll be 11 months. Of being

Steve:

alcohol free. Congratulations. And before we get, thank you so much into kind of what prompted you to, to get alcohol free. What was it like when you were kind of in your active addiction with alcohol?

Tim:

So I had always been sober, curious, so to speak, but I didn't really feel like I don't really consider myself to be an alcoholic mm-hmm but. I would say I would probably drink once a week. Sometimes it would be once every two weeks. Sometimes it would be once every month. It had just gotten to the point where it was no longer serving me. So I decided to take

Steve:

a break mm-hmm And how did that break turn into 11 months of a break?

Tim:

So on August 19th of last year, I went to the beach. I had some drinks and I was like, you know what, beginning tomorrow, I'm gonna take a year off from alcohol. I wanna see if I can do it. I've always drank like throughout my adult life mm-hmm I had reached a point in my fitness journey. Where I knew that alcohol was the only thing that was really like, keeping me back from reaching my fullest potential mm-hmm so I was like, okay, I'm just gonna take a year off. And then we will revisit alcohol at a later date.

Steve:

Yeah. And 11 months into it. Do, do you see it as something that you might go back to, or do you think it's, you know, done.

Tim:

At the 10 month mark. So it was like a couple weeks ago. I went to St. Louis pride in St. Louis, and I was just like lying in my hotel room trying to go to sleep. And then it just hit me out of nowhere that I don't plan on going back. Well,

Steve:

congratulations on that revelation. Thank you so much. Your, your last day of drinking was my, was my birthday, August 19th. So that that's kind of funny. Well happy early birthday. Thank you. It'll make it easier for me to remember, to wish you a happy anniversary. And what about being sober these past 11 months? Like kind of inspired you to continue on with it. Like what's your life like now that you're alcohol free? So like

Tim:

I already mentioned the fitness thing. So I read a quote once that said. alcohol has the ability to stop the fat burning process for up to 36 hours. Mm-hmm depending on like how much you drink. So I always keep that in the back of my mind, but I have to say that the biggest thing is just like cultivating authentic relationships and experiences. Mm-hmm So over the past, you know, 11 months, if something comes up emotionally or mentally, I feel like I just like logically deal with it now, as opposed to using alcohol as a numbing system or a coping me mechanism.

Steve:

Yeah. And what would you say your like favorite parts of being sober then besides like that connection that you're able to make? Just

Tim:

always being present mm-hmm

Steve:

yeah, I certainly agree. I know so much of my alcohol, like drinking was about escaping from reality. And so being able to be present though, the, the world is still hard. Don't get me wrong, but it's, it's actually easier to deal with it without the drinking than I thought it would be using it as a solution that didn't.

Tim:

I would say that naturally, like I'm really an introverted person. Mm-hmm so I always use alcohol as like, to help with my quote unquote social skills. Mm-hmm but now people can see who I truly am, whether, you know, that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I feel like I J can just like be my authentic self more so than I could.

Steve:

Yeah. And you mentioned a couple times now, like your, your fitness journey can, I know we'll get more into that in the post show, but can you share a little bit about, you know, what that was like in terms of inspiring you to follow fitness?

Tim:

So growing up, like I grew up in the Midwest and like, everything was fried. We ate fast food all the time. I didn't play sports growing up. So as a teenager, I was 300. Hm. So as I started coming into adulthood, I had a couple things pop up. Like this is gonna sound really nerdy, but I really wanted to audition for survivor the TV show survivor mm-hmm And I was like, man, there's no way that a 300 pound guy who's never really worked out before would get picked, or if he did get picked, make it last, make it far. So that was the one thing, one of the things that really motivated me to start losing weight. And then the second thing was in like 2005 ish. I went to six flag St. Louis. I went to go ride on the Mr. Freeze and they couldn't get the leg gate closed because I was too fat. Mm-hmm. So that was like the most embarrassing moment of my life, which was the number two thing that really prompted me to begin this journey.

Steve:

Yeah. And how would you say your, your sexuality played a role in your, your drinkings habits or your, your weight struggles?

Tim:

So I grew up in the church. My dad used to be a preacher. Grew up in like a small farm town. So back then I graduated in 2002. So back then, like it wasn't as well known, I would say like sexual, homosexuality wasn't mm-hmm I didn't really know any gay people. So it was at a point where like growing up, I would like cry myself to sleep at night. I would be like, please, God, change me. At one point I considered conversion therapy and it was really until 2017 or 2018. Whenever I left religion, when I started finally accepting my sexuality and being comfortable with who I, who I am. So definitely alcohol definitely played a role in numbing my emotions and numbing my feelings. it was a really long time before I had sober sex. Mm-hmm so I had a lot of stuff that I had to dissect from my psyche. Thanks to religion and growing up where I grew up and being involved in the church.

Steve:

Yeah, religious trauma can be a real bit yes. And how would you say your, your role or like your place in the, the gay community has changed since your recovery and your fitness journey?

Tim:

I definitely don't ever go out anymore. And as you probably know, like gay dating is hard anyway. Yeah. So. Right now it's like a nonnegotiable to meet somebody who doesn't drink mm-hmm or at least it's not a huge part of who they are. So right now, like, it'd be nice if I could meet somebody, but I have zero expectations about that. But yeah, like right now it's kind of like a back burner thing. If I end up meeting somebody who, who is also sober has their stuff together, then, then great. But as of right now, that's not on the table.

Steve:

Okay. And what are some practices you use in your daily life to help keep you sober and keep your mind off that?

Tim:

So I started going to hot yoga in 2018. Mm-hmm that's around the same time that I left religion. So that's a big part of my life. I'm actually a registered yoga teacher. Now I started that last year. So that's a big part of my life. I like to meditate. I just weight. I have a small gym in my garage that I try to use all the time. I like to lift weights. I have two dogs, so I hang out with them a lot. But yeah, I just tried to do all this, all the things to mentally help, help myself on this

Steve:

journey. Yeah. I, I know taking care of yourself has become a lot more important to me in my sobriety than it ever was beforehand. And. A lot of people who are listening, you know, have some time under their belt of sobriety. But for those that are either sober, curious, or newly sober, what kind of advice would you give them?

Tim:

I would say be comfortable saying no, like if it doesn't serve, you don't do it. I would suggest taking it one day at a time. Mm-hmm I would also say that your friends and family probably won't judge you. As harshly as you think that they will. And you will probably come to find out that a lot of them are also sober, curious. I've had that come up a lot. I would have honest conversations with yourself about what your triggers are. Yeah. And I would also recommend reading the book, the alcohol experiment by Annie grace. Mm-hmm one of my sober, curious friends actually suggested it to me last week. It's like a 30 day no drinking book, which clearly I'm past the 30 day mark. But I feel like a lot of the things that she talks about are things that it took me like 10 months to figure. So, if you're curious about not drinking, give it a read and you will have a jump start. Excellent.

Steve:

And in recovery, no matter how we get sober, we generally seem to love our traditions, our sayings, and our steps. I mean, do you have a favorite mantra or quote that you try and live by?

Tim:

I do. And I actually say this whenever I teach yoga a lot, but it's just two simple words and it is, I am. and you can put anything after that. So I like to say I am capable. I'm deserving. I'm worthy. I am loved whatever you need to hear on any given day mm-hmm fill in the blank.

Steve:

Yeah, that, that is a good one. And do you have any other kind of bits of wisdom or things you'd like to share with the listeners?

Tim:

Just know that you're not alone. I think that society throws this on us that in order to have fun or to live life to the fullest, you need to be drinking and that's not true. Mm-hmm I think that there are a lot of resources out there, even if it's just people you meet on Instagram. Just know that we're all walking this journey together. and if you have any questions, feel free to reach out to any single one of us and we go do our best to help you

Steve:

for sure. And if someone wanted to reach out to you personally, what's the best way to reach you? Is it on Instagram? Uh,

Tim:

I would say yes on Instagram. All right.

Steve:

What's your handle?

Tim:

It is at the underscore Tim Gilmore.

Steve:

Perfect. Excellent. Well, I'll be sure to add that to the show notes for listeners, if you wanted to. Out somewhere, Tim and follow his journey. I'd also like to give a shout out to our newest Patreon member, Sandy, thank you for joining our family and getting access to all of the special content, including the exclusive post show, which Tim and I are about to record. And if you're interested in sharing your story, like Tim here, getting involved with the show or just saying hi, I'm always an email away@gaapodcast.com. Be sure to follow us wherever you're listening. So you get these new episodes when they come out every Thursday. Thank you again, Tim. It was a pleasure.

Tim:

Thank you so much for having me.

Steve:

Yes. And until next time stay sober friends.