If You Can't Have One... ft. Jordan

Steve welcomes Jordan to share their experience, strength, and hope with you, along with advice on getting and staying sober.

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Transcript

Steve: 0:55

Hi everyone. And welcome to GA a podcast about sobriety for the GT plus community and our allies. I'm your host, Steve Bennett, Martin. I am an alcoholic and I am grateful for the ability to begin sponsoring. Now that I've completed my 12 steps as of this recording, I am 408 days sober. And today we're welcoming a guest to share their experience, wisdom and hope with you. Welcome to the show, Jordan. Hi, thanks for having me. Yeah. Why don't you introduce yourself for the listeners?

Jordan: 1:22

Okay. So I'm Jordan and I'm 844 days sober. Yeah, it's great. It's really good.

Steve: 1:29

That is excellent. And let's just jump right into the thick of things. I mean, what was your journey with alcohol? Like

Jordan: 1:37

I started drinking when I was really young, so I had my first drink when I was 13, because where I grew up. is it's quite a huge drinking culture and there isn't a lot to do here. So alcohol. Yeah. I started drinking when I was really young and then as I got older, it got more. Yeah, so I started drinking way more. And then I went through, I probably said I went through a really bad breakup and it was quite a, an abusive. Break up as well. So it made me turn to the bottle quite heavily and I would drink to blackout. So I didn't have images of what had happened there. And then I moved to the UK and just carried on drinking way more. And it became every day it became, started being introduced into the morning of my routines. and yeah, I just couldn't live with it basically at the time. That's what I thought. So, yeah. Yeah. That's kind of a little bit about my

Steve: 2:52

drinking. yeah. I can certainly understand that experience. I know that you know, big changes in life always, definitely triggered me and caused me to drink and drink to blackouts. So I definitely feel you there. Yeah. What happened that prompted your sobriety?

Jordan: 3:06

so I was living in London and I had noticed I was losing a lot of my closest friends and family to me because of my lifestyle, my drinking lifestyle, but I kind of couldn't see it, if that makes sense. Like I blamed everybody else. It wasn't me. When really it was my fault, this was all happening. And when the pandemic happened I, yeah. So I was living in London and I got a phone call from my mom and she said, look, you need to sell your shit in the flat and you need to move back to Zi and we, you just need to come home. So I moved back and then I was told I wouldn't have to isolate. And my mom made me isolate for two weeks and I asked her, I said, could you bring my bottle of vodka upstairs to me, please? And she refused, which I'm so grateful that she did that. And it was, I gotta say it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was having night terrors, hot and cold sweats. I was violently sick. My emotions were so erratic and I did the two weeks and I thought I'm gonna try and do a month of trying to yeah. Trying to get sober and then a. I started reading books of like the unexpected joy of being sober and the control, the naked mind of alcohol. I think that's what it's called. And then I noticed that it takes three months for alcohol to get out your system. And then I was like, oh, so let's do six months. And it's just been going like that really. And that's what really helped me. So it's all thanks to my mom. If I'm honest, getting me to give up alcohol. So I'm very grateful

Steve: 4:51

for. Yeah, that is awesome. I mean, not that you had to go through the, those two weeks, but I mean, it's awesome that she did that for you and that you, you kept it going, cuz I mean, she certainly helped start it, but you were the one who kept it going. Yeah. And what, what would you say some of the bigger changes in your life are now that you're sober

Jordan: 5:14

biggest changes? My wanting to go. If that makes sense. I used to always get FOMO. I always wanted to be at the next party. Don't get me wrong. I'm still like that. But I now know when to go home and to call it a day. So I'm like, I think that's probably one of my biggest changes, but also you notice who your drinking friends are like your party friends are and who your true friends are. And again, I'm very grateful that I moved back home, cuz all my friends. Closest friends are still here and we are all very much still friends, which is great. So, but that's probably the biggest changes. So, and also waking up in the morning and not, I have anxiety from probably years ago of stuff that I've done, but not having that like anxiety anymore. Yeah. Which is great. Like I don't miss that. And yeah, just being healthy, feeling healthier and enjoying the days instead of being so negative and emotional.

Steve: 6:16

yeah. Yeah. Being able to be sober and present is certainly a blessing. I mean, what, what would you say one of your favorite memories of being sober or experiences of being sober is, do you know what

Jordan: 6:29

I'm gonna say? My sister's wedding mm-hmm and the reason why I favor, I So my mental health has never been great. And I think with the alcohol, it was, I don't know, just awful train wreck, basically my mental health with the drinking and everything. But the day my sister got married oh, the day she got married. I got to do her hair and I am, oh, sorry, it's start me off. That's something that I will cherish because. I have never felt those emotions run wild like that. Before, as in happy tears, I couldn't stop crying. I did our hair for our wedding and I'm just glad I. Was sober for it. And I can remember everything about the day and I didn't ruin it. So that's like a plus, so yeah, that's probably, yeah, the best.

Steve: 7:22

That's awesome. I know that I was like five or six days sober when I traveled up from Florida to New York for a friend's wedding. And it was just definitely trying. So I think I'm ready to experience the wedding sober now, but one weekend was definitely a trial of sort. Yeah, I could imagine now, how do you feel your sexuality played a role in your addiction?

Jordan: 7:46

Well that, I think cuz where I'm from, there's no gay bars. Mm-hmm so when I moved to the UK, I wanted to be out all the time and it's gay bars and gay clubs and there's alcohol everywhere and it was. I think it, yeah, I just felt like it was yeah, it's just everywhere. and I, I, it just went hand in hand really. Like it was also, I noticed that I used to get so drunk. I didn't care who I went home with. So I, yeah, I, I think now I've got a lot more respect for myself which I'm really proud of. So. Whereas the drunk me had no respect and didn't care. And whereas now, yeah, there's a little to more respect, so,

Steve: 8:36

yeah. And how do you navigate or feel your place in the gay community is now that you're sober and in recovery?

Jordan: 8:45

I am yet to go on a date with someone who's over and I feel I was dating a lovely guy and. He respected mine, not drinking, but it just, it just didn't work out. Me and him, but I find it very difficult being intimate, sober mm-hmm because I think when you're drunk, you are just like the confidence is there. You feel like you are like somebody else and behaving like somebody else in the bedroom. Whereas now you are like chip there's. No, there's no confidence. I'm gonna feel everything like it's too close for me. If that makes sense. Like, as in the intimacy is so close, it kind of almost freaks me out a little bit if I'm honest. So I've, I kind of, yeah. I struggle with that. If yeah. I think that's what I'm really struggling with is also dating sober and cuz I've hooked up with a guy. Who was really drunk and it just made me, just made me feel really uncomfortable. And I think I'm glad that's happened cuz now I know what I want and what I won't let happen. Mm-hmm

Steve: 10:05

yeah. I mean, I, I know that. So oftentimes like, especially when you're experiences with sex, like go hand in hand kind of with drinking or being out in clubs, like when you take that out, it's kind of like you're having to relearn what it's like to be intimate with someone. E even in a married relationship. I know that it was like a big deal. Like the first time that I had sober sex and I wasn't like, you know, smoking up or getting drunk beforehand so that I can like let loose of my inhibitions. Like now I have to like, learn how to like, be comfortable in my own skin without that kind of bandaid. Yeah. No, definitely. And what are some practices you use in your daily life to help keep you sober

Jordan: 10:44

at the beginning? It was, I journaled. and I generaled a lot. And sometimes I actually read back through them. Mm-hmm to remind me of why I'm sober and it was also metal straws. So I would have a drink, any drink had to be through a metal straw and in a G glass. That was my go to, so that was all at the beginning and, and reading books just to. Teach me new things and going to the gym. I find that really helps with my sobriety, but I probably don't journal anymore just because of time timings. And I used to have a blog as well. And that really helped. I was able to share my experiences and it went quite in depth, cuz it was just really nice to write it down and share my experiences. But again, I've gotten so busy at work that I haven't really got time to keep on top of all of that, but I do flip through the journals and if I am feeling really low, I will pull out a journal and write down. Stuff.

Steve: 11:51

Yeah, for sure. And, you know, especially, I mean, I've been doing the audio recordings, like since getting sober pretty much right away. And it is interesting to go back and kind of hear what it was like when I was first getting started. What are like one of the one or two interesting things you've noticed in terms of reflecting back on those first few journal entries?

Jordan: 12:11

How How apologetic I was to everybody. Mm-hmm when I look, that's what I kept writing in my journals is like, and how much I hated myself for everything that I've done. And yeah, I look back and I don't hate myself anymore. Like that, that happened. And I'm also, I used to be, make, be really ashamed of my past. Like, I was really, was quite horrible to myself about it all. and in fairness, I'm actually, you know, it's my past and I shouldn't be ashamed about ashamed, ashamed about it. And I have a lot more love for myself, which I think's really important.

Steve: 12:52

Yeah. That's beautiful. And what's one piece of advice you would give to someone who's newly sober or sober, curious,

Jordan: 13:02

new, newly sober. I would stick at it just honestly, persevere. I've heard AA meetings are really good. I didn't do it. I kind of did it all on my own back just because we were in lockdown for three months, so I kind of had it all at home and all the alcohol was locked away from me anyway. So being away from everything was really good for me. And that it really helped is kind of just changing your, almost changing your lifestyle a little bit, just on. I, you know, you'd some people go for a drink after work, maybe skip going for a drink after work and go for a walk. Like walking really helped me with the sobriety. But I definitely think if you're sober, curious, I definitely would recommend doing it if you are, even if you're curious about it and you think you have a drinking problem, then that's the time that you really need to pull out some like sober books like that. That's what really helped me. Honestly, the unexpected joy of being sober was the one for me. And it just makes you really think and understand that you do have a drinking problem.

Steve: 14:08

Yeah, I'll have to check that one out and I'll be sure to put in the show notes for people to find now in recovery, I've learned like, no matter how we get sober, whether it's in the rooms or programs or doing it ourselves, we, we generally cling onto a couple's sayings or quotes that we love to live by. Do you have any favorites?

Jordan: 14:26

Yes. Yes. Yes. This was, this was the one that used to always help me. And I hope that I say it right. My dyslexia sometimes makes me say it the one way around. So. If you can't have one, have none at all. Yeah. That's,

Steve: 14:40

that's what, yeah, that's a good one. One was never enough for me. Yeah, it's true.

Jordan: 14:44

Yeah.

Steve: 14:47

Excellent. And if someone was interested in kind of following you to like, learn more about you, what would be the best place to find you online?

Jordan: 14:55

My Instagram handle, which is the sober party boy, and that's why I talk about sobriety and.

Steve: 15:02

Excellent. I'll be sure to put that in the show notes too. Thank you. Thank you so much, Jordan, for being on it was a pleasure getting to you so much. Hear more of your story after following you for so long. Thank you so much. And thank you listeners for listening. Please stick around and head on over to our Patreon page, where we're gonna talk more about Jordan's experience as the sober party. Boy you can do that at www.patreon.com/gaa podcast. Meanwhile, if you're interested in sharing your story, getting involved with a show or just saying, hi, I'm an email away GA podcast, gmail.com, and be sure to follow us wherever you're listening right now. So you can get new episodes when they come out every Thursday. And until that time stay sober friends.