gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show

Focus on Today ft. Robby

November 17, 2022 Steve Bennet-Martin Season 1 Episode 111
Focus on Today ft. Robby
gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show
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gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show
Focus on Today ft. Robby
Nov 17, 2022 Season 1 Episode 111
Steve Bennet-Martin

Steve welcomes Robby to share their experience, strength, and hope with you, along with advice on getting and staying sober.

Thank you for listening. Please join our Patreon family for the post-show, along with more exclusive content at www.Patreon.com/gAyApodcast

Follow Robby on Instagram @rah_bee_rooss and follow us while you are at it @gAyApodcast

If you are interested in sharing your story, getting involved with the show, or just saying hi, please e-mail me at gayapodcast@gmail.com

Listeners, I NEED YOUR HELP! This podcast is growing rapidly, and I want to make sure we can all grow together, so take this survey and let me know what I'm doing right and where I should focus my attentions going forward to provide the best podcast for YOU possible! CLICK HERE!

Support the Show.

Show Notes Transcript

Steve welcomes Robby to share their experience, strength, and hope with you, along with advice on getting and staying sober.

Thank you for listening. Please join our Patreon family for the post-show, along with more exclusive content at www.Patreon.com/gAyApodcast

Follow Robby on Instagram @rah_bee_rooss and follow us while you are at it @gAyApodcast

If you are interested in sharing your story, getting involved with the show, or just saying hi, please e-mail me at gayapodcast@gmail.com

Listeners, I NEED YOUR HELP! This podcast is growing rapidly, and I want to make sure we can all grow together, so take this survey and let me know what I'm doing right and where I should focus my attentions going forward to provide the best podcast for YOU possible! CLICK HERE!

Support the Show.

Steve:

Hi everyone, and welcome to Gay a, a podcast about sobriety for the LGBT plus community and our allies. I'm your host, Steve Bennet-martin, I am an alcoholic and I am grateful for my ability to show up for the people that matter most in my life. Now as of this recording, I am 459 days sober, and today we're welcoming a guest to share their experience, wisdom, and hope with you. Welcome to the show, Robbie. Hi, how are you? Doing well, I am so excited to get to know you better. Why don't you start off by introducing yourself to the listeners?

Robby:

My name is Robbie. I live in northern Maryland. I'm 34 am gay, et cetera, et cetera.

Steve:

Yeah. And how, how long have you been

Robby:

sober? It'll be a year in about two weeks.

Steve:

Well, happy early anniversary. By the time this episode airs, it'll probably have passed, so that's perfect. Awesome. And what are some of your favorite hobbies or things to do in sobriety?

Robby:

I really enjoy the outdoors, so hiking, gardening, even though I live in an apartment and it is overrun with basal. I think I have 17 plants in my room at the moment. Mm-hmm. a little excessive, but I love the greenery. I also really enjoy cooking, just like experimenting with different flavors and fusion of different what is the word, not genre cuisine.

Steve:

Yeah. Awesome. Yeah, and why don't we jump into it then and tell us what it was like with your drinking.

Robby:

Well, how it started, I grew up in a small town in southern Maryland on a tobacco farm, which isn't Leno ideal for. A little brown, gay boy, I'm one of three. All my cousins are blonde hair, blue eyed, even my little brother. So my dad being Italian, I got the darker jeans, so I was, you know, teased and picked on for being a little feminine and black hair, tan skin, et cetera. So I think it all started with that for the most part. Crippling anxiety for just being just existing. So then I found my Besty alcohol She really did help me a lot in the beginning. It helped me cope with anxiety and hiding my sexuality in said small town. So the social drinking became a crutch. Of course. So when I finally came out at 20, then I was going to the gay safe spaces, which are bars and clubs and stuff like that. But mostly it was insecurity and anxiety and stuff like that, that really provoked the drinking, I would say.

Steve:

And, and that must have been difficult. I mean, when did it become what you would, you would consider a

Robby:

problem? I think right off the jump. Mm-hmm. because I loved it because I was so shy and so withdrawn from everyone. And then I took, you know, I had me a beer or a shot or both. And then there's, here's Robbie. The life of the party. He'll do anything. Whatever. Let's party. Let's rage drink in a field, go cow tipping, whatever, It sounds so stupid now. But yeah, I mean I still have some of those friends to this day. A lot of them are actually sober now.

Steve:

Yeah. And what prompted you to

Robby:

get sober? Well, I had, like I said, the drinking became such a crutch and such a part of who I was. And I was with my now ex of almost nine and a half years. Our relationship was kind of based around alcohol a lot like we met in southern Maryland where I grew up, where we grew up, and. that's just what you did. And then I found this very handsome, very sweet guy that liked to party like I did. So it really worked for a few years. And then just like the resentment started, because he would wanna drink and I didn't wanna drink. And then I would like, Ugh, all right, well I can't stand you when you're drunk if I'm sober, so let's just get wasted. And then it was just toxic, obviously. That's not gonna work out. So I ended up just not being happy in that relationship anymore. And then Covid happened. So then we were drinking even more. That began my downward spiral and I was trapped at home, just drinking all the time. I got fired from two jobs in one year for calling out because I couldn't come cause I was so drunk. And then my ex saw. that I was needing something. So I had tried on my own to do like an outpatient mm-hmm. and went in, It was a great meeting and I had set up stuff to go, to start later that week. And then I came home and I had the house to myself and I was like, Oh, I feel great. And I got wasted. So my ex came home from work and I was passing on the couch. And then my family stepped in and cuz they had been in talks with him and flew me. We were living in Florida at the time and then flew me home where I began treatment at Outreach Centers of America up here, which was love. And much needed Yeah.

Steve:

I mean, how has your life changed over this past almost

Robby:

year? Exponentially over my first time in treatment, I went to treatment three times last summer alone. I flew from Florida up here in April, went to treatment, did a full 28 days, got out, did well for a couple. The relationship, of course, came to an end and I was like, Oh wow, it's really over like nine and a half years. That's crazy. So then that sent me on another. Spiral and then I was like, I'll try to date again. I'll try to date again. And then lying to myself, lying to other people, or not lying, but withholding the fact that I don't drink. And what do you do on a first date? A lot of people go have a drink. So I was like, I'll just get club soda. I remember that first date I went on club, so I'll get a club, so I'll get there early. None of that happened. I got a Titos and soda. and that's all she wrote. Then I did a detox after that little bender and was fine again for another couple months, and then ended up having to go back and do a full 28 days last August. Mm-hmm. But my sobriety date is September 15th, 2021. I have not had anything since then. But since sobriety, just everything has changed exponentially. I'm so much happier with myself. Being single. I really needed to be single. I think there was definitely a codependency there on both ends. And just. Resentment towards him in that relationship for many, many different things, just was not healthy. And we still talk every so often, and he's doing well, I'm doing well. I don't have anxiety anymore. I was like, Oh wow, cool. Alcohol, fixed it, quote unquote. But there I. Panicking constantly. Yeah, I'm just genuinely happy. That's awesome. And like content, like if something doesn't go my way, I don't care if I have a stressful day at work. It's like, oh man, that was crazy.

Steve:

Yeah, and I know what you mean. Like it was a little stressful, like my first year sober cuz I was working in a sales job, but I recently switched to like business office work and. Whatever happens, like I, I really don't care. Like, I'm like, I'll get through the day. Work isn't what matters. It's what pays the bills so that I can do like other stuff and just, I just let things go in the way that I used to hold onto every little thing that didn't go my

Robby:

way. Oh, yeah. 100%. And I'm in the hospitality industry. I'm actually a bartender. Oh, okay. Which is pretty unique. And everyone's like, How do you do it? How do you do it? I'm like, Eh, I see the people. I see who I was in these people at the bar sometimes and I'm like, Ooh, that ain't cute girl. Mm-hmm. I think we're gonna cut you off. No more Cosmos for you, Miss But, and I really enjoy that type of work. I like. Doing it and being creative. DrinkWise, it's like, Cause I can't taste my fancy cocktails I make, but I'm okay with that. Everyone else, I get the validation on their faces. Awesome. Like, this is the best old fashioned I've ever had. I'm like, Well, you're welcome Yeah, I was gonna say

Steve:

I, I guess that's alcoholics nowhere around the bar usually.

Robby:

Yeah. And then even all my regulars, all my coworkers know that I don't drink. And like, this is just amazing that you can just make these drinks and you don't even drink them. I'm like, well, yeah, I did. I did for many years. Girl Yeah.

Steve:

And looking back, how do you feel your sexuality played a role in your addiction?

Robby:

I think it was a major massive Player in my using and abusing of alcohol. And I did dabble in like drugs and stuff. That's part of my story. And like my teens, but never as an adult. Like once I came out, I'd already, I was like, Eh, I'm done. That was just me hiding in the closet, so, But yeah, it was just the internalized phobia. My anxiety, the hiding. And then even not hiding, like I said, in in the gay safe spaces, the bars, the clubs. And I worked in that environment. I lived in Denver briefly in my early twenties, and I worked at a nightclub. They would walkie talk. You all right boys, shot time While you're working.

Steve:

I'm gonna say, did you bartend at a gay, gay bar or gay venue or is it,

Robby:

I. Had just turned 21, so I wasn't bartending there yet. I was a bar back, but still I held the walkie-talkie. Yeah. So they're like, All right, boys shot time, like woo. Mm-hmm. you know, and that was every hour all night. And then we drank the entire time we were cleaning up. Yeah. And

Steve:

whatever your, have your experiences been like this past year in terms of being part of the community and how things are different now that you're sober?

Robby:

I, when I did go to sober living after my last time, I think that's what helped make it stick this, that last time it was suggested to me, and I know it made me very uncomfortable and scared, so I was like, Okay, this must be the right idea. And it was a way to get out of my small town. That was just the endless cycle of drinking, drinking, drinking. So I was like, All right, it'll be a new, a new place. I know I'll be in a safe space and I'll be forced to go to meetings and I still have to pay rent. I have to work. And then I did make a couple gay friends in the community there and they really helped me get through it as well. Yeah.

Steve:

And what are some things you do in your daily life that help keep you sober?

Robby:

Like meditation, like stretching, stuff like that. I am on a gay and sober like Facebook page and I've seen a couple guys reach out for. Tips or advice, or they just need someone to talk to. And I, I'm always like, Send me a dm. So there's been several guys that I've like, talked off the ledge and like, you know, you can do this, et cetera. Like just helping other even straight guys, girls, anyone that I can help with my experience. I love doing.

Steve:

Yeah. And I think that that places where, like you look somewhat familiar to me and I think it's cuz we're in this, the same group that the GSM group gained sober men. Yeah. Yeah. So I, I, I, I see your post there. I, I don't think we've interacted, but I was like, I recognize you. Mm-hmm. And it is a great resource. If you can give one piece of advice to someone who is sober curious, what would it be?

Robby:

Just focus on today. Don't worry about tomorrow yet. You're not there yet. Yeah. And don't let your past define you. I know some of the guys that I've spoke to in the GSM that have messaged me privately are like, I'm just a piece of shit. You know, I just can't get it together. X, Y, Z. I'm like, No, that was you, You. What it takes to conquer this addiction. You just have to want it that badly. Yeah,

Steve:

certainly it's not something that comes easy, but it's something that's worth it. Yeah. And 100%, yeah. Would you say you have a favorite mantra or quote or lyric that you like to live by?

Robby:

Actually, yeah. One thing that I always, I loved, I think I saw it in one of. Times and treatment everything will be okay in the end if it's not okay. It's not the end. Mm-hmm. So you just gotta like, keep pushing through, like, Oh, I'm having such a shit day. I just wanna use, I just wanna drink. I'm not Okay. It's like, All right, well it's not over. Yeah, it's not over for you. Just keep going.

Steve:

That's a good one. Excellent. Yeah. And do you have an Instagram or anything that you can share for if our listeners wanted to find you?

Robby:

Yeah, it's Robbie, Russ, like, sounded out. R a h underscore b e e underscore r double O doubles.

Steve:

Excellent. And I'll be sure to put that in the show notes as well. Thank you. Stick around for our post show, Robbie. But it was a pleasure getting to know you. Thank you and thank you listeners for tuning to another episode of gaa. You can head on over to our Patreon page and join the family today and continue to hear post show episodes, including more today about Robbie's experiences in sobriety. If you're interested in getting involved with the show, you can email me or if I'm me on instagram@gaapodcastgmail.com or at GAA podcast and follow us wherever you're listening so you can get new episodes when they come out every. Until next time, stay sober friends.

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