Triple Threat ft. James T. Lane

Steve welcomes James T. Lane to share his experience, strength, and hope with you, along with advice on getting and staying sober.

James is currently starring in a one-man autobiographical show - which he wrote - at THEATRE ROW called Triple Threat which chronicles (among other things) his struggle with addiction and journey towards sobriety.

In his share he will touch on the 'triple threat' he's faced and overcomes daily being a "Black gay addict", and how there is a way through if you let others love you until you love yourself and show up.

Thank you for listening. Please join our Patreon family for the post-show, along with more exclusive content at www.Patreon.com/gAyApodcast

Find James on all the socials @triplethreat_show and @jamestlane and follow us while you are at it  @gAyApodcast.

Also, check out his website for more information on Triple Threat and his other great work- https://www.jamestlane.com and www.triplethreatshow.com

If you are interested in sharing your story, getting involved with the show, or just saying hi, please e-mail me at gayapodcast@gmail.com 

Transcript

Steve: 0:03

Hi everyone, and welcome to Gay a, a podcast about sobriety for the LGBT plus community and our allies. I'm your host, Steve Bennett. Martin. I am an alcoholic and addict, and I'm grateful for getting the opportunity to record new episodes. Again, as of this recording, I am 770 days sober, and today we're welcoming a guest to share their experience, wisdom, and hope with you. This six time main stem performer has headline three. Tony nominated musicals making his Broadway debut with the 2006 Revival of a Chorus Line playing Richie Walters and just wrapped up his role as Billy Flynn in Chicago, where he co-starred along one of my favorite drag queens. Jinx Monsoon. James is currently starring in a one man autobiographical show, which he wrote at Theodore Row called Triple Threat, which Chronicles among other things, his struggle with addiction and journey towards sobriety. Welcome James T. Lane.

James: 0:57

Thanks for having me, Steve. Yes,

Steve: 0:59

appreciate it. And so to, so that we can get to know you better after that little intro. What would you say though, is your favorite part of being sober today?

James: 1:09

Oh, goodness sleep. Mm-hmm, I can get all the sleep that I need, addiction, you know, I couldn't perform. I couldn't, at the end, the last two years, I just drug along the bottom. So I'm back to my first love, which is a, per being a performer. So those are two. Sleep and performing, sleep and

Steve: 1:28

performing. And when you aren't sleeping or performing, do you have any hobbies or interests to keep you busy? Oh,

James: 1:36

goodness. Well, I've got two cats. They keep me entertained. Mm-hmm. I love basketball. I love to watch a basketball game. I write but I'm pretty kind of like focused on what I'm doing, you know? I'll watch a good movie. I just saw the new Indiana Jones movie. Oh, how was it? In a theater, you know, I think it's the best one, Steve. I think it's the best. Excellent. I'll have check it out. Oh, I was crying.

Steve: 2:01

Wonderful. Well, before we get into the amazing things you're up to today, why don't we go back and why don't you share with us a little bit about what it was like and what happened. Sure,

James: 2:12

sure. I'm from Philadelphia, Steve. That's where I grew up. And I was a little black gay kid who lived in projects. Grew up with Michael Jackson. You know, everybody wanted to be Michael Jackson. So did I. And Moonwalking, with the cardboard also on the sidewalk break dancing, all of that, you know, dance was my first language, Steve, I could express myself and, not be bullied through dance, you know what I mean? and I quickly discovered that the bullies stayed away from me because I was talented. So I really, it was dual purposed. They stayed away from me. And it was a way out of the projects, right? It was a way. Out and so elementary school for the performing arts, high school for music. I danced on in the, in the evenings, and I went to a summer arts program up in the mountains, away from the city. It probably kept me alive, frankly, being out of the city, Philadelphia in the summer, it's, it's crazy. Kept me away from a lot of the things that were going on in the neighborhood, drinking drugs, cousins that were getting locked up or shot, all of that stuff. I went to college for performing arts, but by the time I'd gotten to college, I knew I was talented, and I got full scholarships to major universities, Carnegie Mellon and Penn State. I got to the first year of school and I didn't like the way that they were running shit. So I you know, I left with Carnegie Mellon full, full scholarship. I left and went to Penn State and it was a better fit, but it was just not a. Good fit on some other ends. And so I just went out to work. I went to Europe and I was, you know, a little black gay kid in Zurich, Switzerland, and Berlin, Germany and Paris, France and Vienna, Austria. It was like I had, color didn't matter there south Philadelphia was pretty much. Segregated, the neighborhood, it was very neighborhoody. You know, there was the Italians, there was the Cambodians, there was the blacks. We moved into an Italian neighborhood. So when I went to Europe, I felt as free as a bird. You know, they were looking at me because they were interested in, or attracted to me and not the color of my skin or repelled, you know, and that's really, That's a, an esteem building thing. I got back to the United States and I went on tour with a musical and I tore my achilles tendon and it was devastating, all of my self-esteem was wrapped up in performing. And who am I if I'm not performing? And somebody offered me a ecstasy pill Washington DC gay Pride 2000. And you know what was it? Velvet Nation in Washington, DC, and, and Ultra Notte and Kevin Aviance was there, and I had arrived and I'd never felt anything like that before in my life. You know? It, was like I was escaping, the like shedding a skin that I didn't even know was confining me, is basically the way that I can explain it. And, I dropped two pills that weekend and then I got home to Pennsylvania and I said, I've gotta do this again. So I got my driver's license, I got my learner's permit and my driver's license and rented a car in under two weeks so that I could get back down to Washington, DC to party like that. And that was the summer of 2000, June 8th, I'll never forget it. And by the end of that summer, I wasn't paying my rent. I was cashing my workman's compensation check at the grocery store. I'd spend a hundred dollars on groceries and the rest was like drinking and boost and drinking and, and drugs. And miraculously I healed for my injury. And by December I was back out on the road with a major musical playing the lead. But now I had a pocket full of money. And I ran around this country, as you can imagine. We'd arrive on a Monday, I'd find out where the cop man was, or the, or the bathhouse was. And just spend all my money, if Thursday was payday, the money was gone by Saturday, and then I was running out of the city leaving hotel bills, and then my check would be short because the company manager would have to take the money out of my check. And then it was just like a revolving door. I mean,, it just went around and around and around. I was playing the lead By the end of that tour, I was calling out, I was shipping money home in a FedEx packages, like a hundred dollars bills just to get the cash out of my hands. I had graduated to crystal meth. I was not showing up at work. I was unhirable. They literally couldn't wait for me to get out of the get out of their hair and I went back home to Pennsylvania moved to New York City on a promise of love, but it was more like just riding on the coattails of somebody that I liked. But my addiction was just eating me alive by then. I moved here a week before September 11th, and the world fell apart as you know, but I moved to New York City and got two major jobs. I don't have a problem with drugs. I don't have a drinking problem. I don't, you know who moves to New York City and gets you major jobs and that not somebody with a problem. So but you know what happens? I eventually just lost those jobs. I was fired from the Lion King and I just left Cinderella with Eartha Kit just left. And my mother came to New York City to get me in January of 2001. I think it was 2002, January, 2002. And And then I moved back home to Philadelphia, back to my old room, you know, and it was cool to have an old high in the basement. Your room is in the basement in high school. It's not cool when you're in your twenties. And you're inviting tricks over to your mother's basement, and my life got really small, you know, I knew where the cop man was because I then I had graduated to crack because it was on every corner or, and the 40 ounces at the bar. Two 40 ounces in crack. That was just the way that it went until I got enough, scraped enough money, begged, borrow, steal. I was stealing from my mother stealing, and pawning things. And maybe I'd get$50 together to buy a quarterback or crystal, and that was like an event. that's the way I just drug along the bottom for another two years. I was arrested for prostitution, and not the kind of where they call you up, but like on the corner, you know, prostitution. I was arrested. I spent some time in a mental ward locked up in a mental ward because the drugs and the drinking wasn't working. You know how you do that chemistry thing of like, if I just get the drugs first, or, or if I get the drinking, I can drink. And then the drugs won't be, make me crazy, but if the cop man came before the drink, you know, you know, you become a chemist and, you know, and fail and, you know, get an F in chemistry. So a few things happened. My friend chef was a heroin addict. I was a garbage head. I used everything. But I was over at a crack house with chef and he stroked out. And went comatose and I called the cops on the crack house and chef died in the hospital ex and, and not on that crack house, that still didn't wake me up. I told you I spent some time in a locked mental ward called the cops on myself. That's how I got in there cuz I was just seeing things and hearing things and thought I was a danger to my family. So I called the cops and they put me in the Len Ward and I got public assistance there, like public welfare and that gave me health insurance. And so the third thing that happened was I fell in love slash took a hostage, you know, as, as you do. And our first date, I asked him for$20 and I went straight to the crack house. You know, that's cuz that's what you do when you're a crack head. And but he had just had enough. I would Be with him fine during the week, eating three meals a day, and then I'd ask for money and then disappear on the weekends. Like that's the way it went. And then I begged for forgiveness on Monday and then sleep it all Tuesday and Wednesday and then be fine, and then do the same thing and over and over again. And he was like, ej, eventually it was a September, he said, I love you. You're killing yourself. I don't know how much more I can take of this. And so, because I had that health insurance I had heard there's a lot of talk in crack houses about getting clean, right? There's a lot of talk. What, where, where's the outpatient center? Who's going to rehab? There's a lot of talk about shit like that. And somebody had told me about the wedge, which was an outpatient center. In Philly and I went to the wedge and it was this queen sitting there. He was like, I was telling him about my woes and he was just looking at me like, bitch, I heard it all like, like you are nothing new. Do you wanna stay or do you want to go? And so I stayed and I go on the, to the wedge Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays and I drink and use on the weekends. That was my pattern until somebody in my group who was a drug dealer. But he was court appointed to be there. He started talking about fear and shame and guilt, and I was like, shut up. I was like you tell nobody your fears or shame and guilt. But it was written all over my face. It was, it was showing up. It was all in my patterns and behaviors. I didn't wanna be black, I didn't wanna be gay, and I didn't wanna be an addict. And not that I inherently didn't like those things about me, it's just that they'd get a fair shake in this world. And I was doing all I was. I was ashamed to be gay. Not because I felt it, but because of what society was telling me how to feel. And so I put more stock in what other people thought. And sad than my own feelings I had, I had no self-esteem in those areas. And my skin is dark, And so, like, even in the African-American community, there's colorism there too, but everybody, when you're high at 4:00 AM in the club twirling, everybody's the same. Everybody wants to screw, everybody wants to fuck, you're going home with somebody, that the drugs and the alcohol, even the playing field. And so I started talking about those things at outpatient, and nobody died. Nobody screamed and ran away. People were nodding and saying, me too, and all of that. And lo and behold, it was the thing that I needed to get off my back. I needed to talk about what was going on inside of me. And so November 16th is my anniversary date, and I haven't found it necessary to drink or use drugs since then.

Steve: 12:00

Excellent. Well, thank you so much for sharing that. You're welcome. And. Tell us a little bit about from that time when you got clean and sober to now having, you know, this amazing career and back in like having triple threat coming up and out.

James: 12:16

Well, it happens over time, not overnight. I'm 18 years free of drugs and alcohol, And, I picked my first sponsor cuz I thought he was flirting with me. And he was like, no baby, that's not what we're doing here. He was like, I'm looking at you crazy because you are crazy. And he was like, we, you, we, you know, we love you until you learn to love yourself. And that was the first relationship, Steve, that was not transactional. He didn't want anything from me. He just wanted to help me get sober because it was helping him. Stay sober. And you know, I ran around Philadelphia in the first two year, year and a half with this crazy band of alcoholics and drug addicts going to meetings. And that's what I did, you know, and until I got about a year sober and right before a year I saw an audition for an open call for a Chorus Line on Broadway, and I had done a chorus line in high school and in college, and I was like, I know that show. And so I went up to New York City and it was just, it was like, The third audition back into the business. And I show up and it's the open call for the Hispanic characters in the show. And I almost turned to leave. Well, I did turn to leave and my friend Natalie Cortez she came around the corner. I had worked with her in Cinderella a gajillion years ago, and she's like, oh my God, James, I had heard you gotten back together. And I was like, how did you hear? Like people knew. I don't know. Spies, I guess. I don't know. But she's like, I'd heard you gotten yourself together. I'm so glad to see you. Where you going? I said, I should leave. It's the Hispanic call for these characters. And she said, it's an open call. And she went just like this with her hands up in the air. Just stay like Fran Drescher on the nanny. Just stay. And I stayed. And Steve, it led to my first Broadway show. You know, after a series of auditions the casting director had remembered me cuz I had gotten fired from his show you know, seven years ago. The Lion King, and he remembered me and he called me personally. Casting directors don't call you personally unless they're offering you a job, but he called me personally after my callback and he said, James, it's so glad to see you this com, the theater community has missed you. Welcome back. And I'm burst out into tears. You never know. I mean, alcoholics and drug addicts are such lights. We're such lights. We're such wonderful, wonderful people. We have this thing that, keeps us locked up and chained up. and the, the self-esteem just goes. But, when we are at our best or at our freest, we are quite bright lights in communities and people see that and they miss that when they're gone. I remember a friend saying to me, you are a waste. You, that thing that is in you, that spirit that is you, you're wasting it. You know, we need that in the world. And so that Broadway show, started in 2006. I did that for two years. I broke up with the guy that I fell in love with you know, that was there when I got sober, you know, and that was the hardest thing I'd ever did. The breakups in, in sobriety, you know, it was like my heart was being pulled out of my body, you know. But I didn't drink and I didn't use any drugs, and I talked about it in meetings. I did the step work with my sponsor. I got a sponsor here when I moved to New York City and we just got work. We just did the work, man, and we continued to do that work. And that show led to Chicago, which led to the Scottsboro Boys and then the Scottsboro Boys. Closed early, but then it opened up a whole new world of like working in concert work. So I did my Carnegie Hall debut with the New York Pops. I've worked with the New York Pops twice as a soloist at Carnegie Fucking Hall. So I'm walking down the hallway and I see Frederick Douglass on the wall. He was the first African American to ever speak at Carnegie Hall. And I looked up, up in the wall and I was like, Oh my God. I smoke crack and I'm at Carnegie Hall, like, oh my god. You know, that's sobriety. And so. Life took me in, you know, the orchestra circuit. I went to London and worked there for a year and a half doing shows. Came back here, starred in Kiss Me, Kate was in King Kong. And then I started writing when I was over in London, I started writing Triple Threat. It was called four and a half Years Then, and it's about, the things that I got up to as I drank and used drugs, and that was in 2015, so it's, this is now eight years later. It took that long and it was like Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill, you know, for the first five and six years. And then the last two and a half have been like, I've got momentum down the hill and people started saying yes and are interested in the story. And then I did lots of national tours and and then and then Chicago happened with Jinx Monsoon and but we had been planning, and that was working with Trevor 32, Brendan Gaul and, and Brett and Nick Corey over there at Trevor 32. And it's just been a wonderful process of getting it to off Broadway and I cannot wait to see where else it takes us. Yeah,

Steve: 17:25

I can't wait to see and hear as well. So tell us about, you know, I do have a large amount of New York listeners. How would people find and see your show?

James: 17:36

Well, the first thing that you can check out is at James T. Lane. You know, that's on my Instagram, but we've got at Triple Threat Show, you can check out all things triple threat there. You can go to www.triplethreatshow.com and get some information about you know, tickets and all of that there. Yeah, and the show runs. It's running now and we are there through July 30th, so come on down. Excellent. Let me know you're there too.

Steve: 18:02

Yes. Well, I'll be sure to put all that information in the show notes, but I do like to also close out with a couple bits of advice or words of wisdom or hope. So first, do you have any advice that you like to give newcomers or people kind of in a rut?

James: 18:16

Stay, stay? You know, it's the consistent application of the principles of this program. That, and just try it out. It is working even when you feel it's not. Mm-hmm. That's it, but it's consistent application. it's hard to keep climbing up that hill. If you got reading to do and you put it down and then you don't read, then you gotta go to the book and then pick it up again. Just fucking read the fucking book. Mm-hmm. Just do what the suggestions are by your sponsor and keep consistent with it so you don't have to, keep picking it up. That's the hard part. Keep picking it up and over and over and over again, and getting started over and over again.

Steve: 18:55

Yeah, I can agree. And what would you say, do you have any favorite mantras, quotes, song lyrics, something that you'd like to try and live by?

James: 19:04

Yeah. You know, I think saying I love you is very, very important. I heard it in a meeting in Philadelphia and I use it all the time. If no one's told you yet today, let me be the first to say I love you. You know, that is such a powerful, powerful thing to hear and to say, you know, who doesn't hear, who doesn't love hearing? I love you. Yeah. And that's what I say. I post it a lot. It makes me feel good to. Say those words and I know that, that people like to hear it. Yeah, I,

Steve: 19:35

yeah, I definitely do that. I learned in recovery as well. I just like say I love you more and it's always a good bit of advice.

James: 19:42

Yeah. When I wake up in the morning and you know, I wash my face in the morning, I say, Hey, beautiful man, I love you. You know, I, I gotta be on my side first thing in the morning, like, and that's a good way to start.

Steve: 19:52

Yeah. And I know that we talked a lot in your recovery about the, kind of the gifts that sobriety has given your career. Well, tell us a little bit about how it's changed your personal life and your relationships.

James: 20:04

Oh my goodness. Self-esteem. My family, I'm trustworthy. My mother was here for the opening of Triple Threat and to see her face, we had a triple threat billboard in Times Square that ran, and I turned the camera on her when the billboard thing and just, just the, the happiness. I, I, I just, I wanted to see her face, see that, you know, we've come a long way from the projects to South Philly to a billboard in Times Square, baby. You know, there's nothing like seeing your mother feel that feeling. So the relationships with family and friends you know, the relationship with self and the lgbtqia plus community. You know, I am no longer anybody's doormat. I am no longer anybody's fetish or, you know, or, somebody's play thing. I am worthy, I am valuable. So that it gives me such self-esteem, you could give your recovery away, but nobody can take it away. Yeah. Yeah,

Steve: 21:05

yeah. I love that. Well, there's no higher note ending on than that. That is Sounds wonderful. So thank you so much, James. It's a pleasure getting to know you better. Thanks Steve. Yes. And Patreon family. Make sure to head on over to our post show. We're gonna give James a chance for his voice to rest up to for his performance tonight. But we are going to have an audio diary requesting feedback about upcoming episodes and content at patreon.com/gay eight podcast. Meanwhile, you can get in touch with us on all the socials at Gay a podcast, and I will link over to all of James's ads and bios and links and websites and all of that in the show notes as well. So thank you, James. My pleasure. Yes, and until next time, stay sober friends.