gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show
gAy A delivers inspiring stories about queer people in sobriety who are achieving amazing feats in their recovery, proving that we are all LGBTQIA+ sober heroes.
If you are looking for a safe space where all queer people, no matter their gender, sexual orientation, age, length of sober time, or method of recovery are valid, this is the sober show for you. If you are sober, you are a hero!
This show is not affiliated with any program or institution, so you will hear stories from alcoholics and addicts where people mention getting sober using recovery methods such as rehabilitation, both inpatient and outpatient rehabs, sober living, hospitals, and some of us who got sober at home on our own. Guests may mention twelve step programs like AA, CMA, SMART Recovery, or other methods, while accepting that no one answer is perfect for everyone.
This podcast will provide valuable insights for any interested in learning more about queer recovery, from those of us with years or even decades of recovery under their belt, to people just beginning their sobriety journey, to even the sober curious or friends and family of alcoholics and addicts.
Each week, host Sober Steve the Podcast Guy tries to answer the following questions in various formats and with different perspectives:
· How do I get and stay sober in the queer community?
· Can you have fun while being sober and gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, or queer?
· What does a sober life as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community look like?
· Where do sober gay and queer people hang out?
· How can I have good sex sober?
· What are tips and tricks for early sobriety?
· How can I get unstuck or out of this rut in my recovery?
· How will my life change if I get sober?
· Can you be queer and sober and happy?
· How can I untangle sex and alcohol and drugs?
gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show
90 Days Sober ft. Mrs. Chan-Charley
Steve welcomes Mrs. Chan-Charley to share her experience, strength, and hope while they discuss living sober in the queer community.
Thank you for listening. Please join our Patreon family for the post-show, along with more exclusive content at www.Patreon.com/gAyApodcast
Find Mrs. Chan-Charley on Instagram @black_ellen1 and follow us while you are at it @gAyApodcast.
If you are interested in sharing your story, getting involved with the show, or just saying hi, please e-mail me at gayapodcast@gmail.com
Hi everyone, and welcome to Gay A, a podcast about sobriety for the LGBT plus community and our allies. I'm your host, Steve Bennett Martin. I am an alcoholic and addict, and I am grateful for my cockapoo Remy for making even the bad days better. As of this recording, I am 836 days sober, and today we're welcoming a guest to share their experience, wisdom, and hope with you on an extraordinary day for them. Welcome Mrs. Chan Charlie.
Mrs. Chan-Charley:Hello. Thank you, Steve. Yeah,
Steve:I've gotten the pleasure to see your journey over the past 90 days. But today is your 90th day sober, correct?
Mrs. Chan-Charley:Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It's a long awaited. Seems like forever, but I'm finally here and excited.
Steve:Excellent. Well, why don't you introduce yourself for our listeners?
Mrs. Chan-Charley:So my name is. Today you know, being a newlywed, I'm going by Mrs. Chan Charlie.
Steve:Excellent. And what would you say is your favorite part of being sober today? So,
Mrs. Chan-Charley:For today having 90 days and being clean and sober, right? Having my memory restored finding a renewed level of confidence. Restore respect and trust from family, peers, and workers.
Steve:Excellent. Yes. Those are all great. And what would you say is your favorite part of being queer right now or today?
Mrs. Chan-Charley:For today, my favorite part of being queer, I have to say is being a newlywed. Yeah having an amazing supportive partner having my family support. At 74, my grandmother was the only witness chosen for my ceremony. I mean, I have not just one. Being comfortable in my skin and having choices. Being a part of the largest community, networking, and connecting every night from 9 p. m. to 10 p. m. through the mustard seed. Those, I mean, listed are all my favorite parts of being queer.
Steve:Excellent. Yes, I share many of those. And so why don't we jump in and tell me a little bit more about what your journey with alcohol and addiction was like.
Mrs. Chan-Charley:Okay so my clean date is June 15, 2023. On June 14, I self admitted in a psych ward due to loss of identification, right? I just, it felt like that day, I was just off. You know, I actually was going to buy a couple of Lucy's from the store and I rerouted. It ended up in a site would in a whole nother barrel borough. I started, I left my house in the Bronx and I ended up in the site. What? And Manhattan. So I was self admitted on June 14th. I was released on June 14, which is also my father's birthday with a heart rate over 114. When the doctors and nurses found out that I had self admitted because of loss of identification, I believe that they viewed me as, like, one of the smartest patients that they had ever witnessed. And it was actually funny because my nurse name was Courtney. As you know, that's my first name, right? And so that's, that's just to share with you how July 14th June 14th was. So now, you know, muster seed tells us if you've had any, you know, mood altering or substances, they ask you not to speak and just listen. So that was on June 14th, me calling in the first day to muster seed on June 15th would be 2023 would be, you know, moving forward and for the rest of my life, my clean date something had to change in my life. You know, I was burnt out totally. No place to go. I had burnt lots of bridges. I lost friends, family and relationships, but never my faith. And so one day I was having a discussion with my mom and she suggested AA. She's a part of NA and has been for the last 18 years. And so I needed a tailored group, folks who could relate. to me. And so I stumbled across the mustard seed. Here I am 90 days later, clean and sober with the support of God, my wife, peers and counselors.
Steve:Yeah. And with that kind of support, what would you say your tools and resources have been the past 90 days to get you here?
Mrs. Chan-Charley:My tools have been having a home group. Having the support of my peers in which, you know, I accumulated through my support group, Mustard Seed the counseling on a weekly basis, my faith and God, believing in myself tools, you know, the many slogans that I've heard throughout the 90 days, keep coming back, easy does it All I have to do perfectly is not pick up a drink. You know, you, you, I have had, I have had the pleasure of meeting so many amazing individuals that look forward to me being on zoom nightly from 9 PM to 10 PM that it is giving me the determination and dedication and a motivation needed. to maintain my sobriety.
Steve:Yeah, it's beautiful. And I know that right off the bat, you had, you were definitely, I think, less than 10 days sober when you came to the Gay and Sober Men's Conference. We had the open big meeting night. I mean, you jumped in head first into that. So, you know, what inspired you to dedicate yourself so much to your recovery? I know sometimes people kind of go in testing the waters, but you jumped into this pool head first.
Mrs. Chan-Charley:I haven't had some experience. Like, you know, my mom's been in the rooms and I, I, I self started this journey by self enrolling and to rehab, I had went up the arms acres. By the grace of God, I was given a peer specialist so an individual that believed in me past that point. When I jumped on this journey, I had no idea that I could do it, where the meetings were located, because I only had experience in the N. A. sector. But again, I needed something. Then tailor made for me, so through connecting and networking on the mustard seed meeting, I found, you know, like, support and some of my peers, which then suggested that I download the everything a app to go into counseling. Another app was suggested where I could find meetings to attend. In person or in Zoom, on Zoom the Bible helped a lot like, you know, being a newlywed, having the support and the and the resources through my wife, that helped a lot. And, you know, like, I keep coming back to the amazing mustard seed because I don't think I could have 90 days today had it not been for the mustard seed. I mean, it's like the biggest, livest. Party in New York City. Sober. I don't even remember the last time I was clean and sober besides these 90 days.
Steve:Thank you, C. Thank you so much.
Mrs. Chan-Charley:I met you on
Steve:Muster C. Yeah, and then in real life, a week later, which is funny because I come up to New York all of maybe once a year, and you found me that time, but it was... It was great meeting you and seeing you blossom. One thing that I really love is not only do you show up every night, but you also are always the first one to share what's, what's going on or how your day was. Have you always been as outgoing and friendly or is that something that you're discovering about yourself and recovery?
Mrs. Chan-Charley:Well, no, I've always been The delight of a party and I'm used to it ranking number four in the city growing up playing basketball and being an artist and by right, you know, born leader. I'm the I'm the oldest out of two. And, and just, you know, knowing that. You know, nothing beats a try, you know, and when it's from your heart, it could never be wrong. And so, you know, I speak from my heart. I allow my heart to lead me, you know, into these places. You know, and just. Since being clean and sober, really careful with people, places, and things, you know, and finding like minded individuals. When you find that, you want to stay. And so, that boosts my confidence, knowing that others are Expecting me. They're waiting, they're encouraging me. They're enthused. You know, they, they, they love me, you know, and I love them. And finally, it's this love reciprocated. And, and I am pleased and honored. And, you know, I, I don't have it all down pat. You know, but I, I do understand that slogan to keep coming back. I know that there's a bunch of phenomenal people that are there waiting for me. Yes, I do.
Steve:Yes, we are. And, especially with, I remember on my 90 days, someone told me, you know what comes after your 90 days? And I said, what? Miracle, yeah. Well, they said 91. So, I know that you have another day to look forward to, but what are some other things that you're looking forward to in your life?
Mrs. Chan-Charley:I'm looking forward. I'm looking forward to achieving balance in all areas of my life. I would love to be in a position to help my father out of his life sentence. He's been serving life since I was two years old, I'm 36 so he's been incarcerated now for 34 years. And then the secondly what I want to bring to the table, or what I like to get out of, of this program and my work is to be able to save as many counted out as I possibly can. You know, like there's this, this, this burning desire and this great need to pull another up that I feel, you know, and you get more by giving back, you know, it could never take from me. It can only help and, and, and flourish me in ways and grow me. So I'm always eager to give it back. So that's what I'm looking forward to. I'm looking forward to seeing the young woman behind me that could stand up and even if I don't get the credit can say, I'm here, you know, because someone passed the baton to me. Someone kept the door open, you know. Like, I have peers that have been clean for 38 years, you know what I mean? That predecessors and predecessors, I don't know, these, what you would call the men, but people that have kept the door open and provided this space for me to come and share and be my authentic self. And that's what I just want to stay a part of and give
Steve:back. Yeah, I love how you give it so freely. I'm all in. Yes, yes, you are. And I know that you mentioned being a newlywed and you are newly sober as well. I know that at the end of the day, we're sober for ourselves. But how would you say your marriage affected your decision to get or stay sober or vice versa? How did they affect each other?
Mrs. Chan-Charley:It's, it's been awesome because I was with my partner. Two years before marrying. And so the insanity side of me, she's experienced. She knows firsthand the, the liquor and marijuana, you know, and, and her having to be of support through that, you know, when I made a decision to get clean, I knew that it would be for my better and it will polish and grow my relationship. With my now wife today. She got to marry me clean and sober. I, I've never, I've never been in a relationship clean and sober. So I married my wife clean and sober, right? Because my clean date is June 15th, right? And so 2023, we got married July 18th, 2023, which was a month later. And of course, it's that saying that for your first year, you should rename abstinence, but we had already been together again. For two years, so we're just growing and loving this process and it's beautiful because now she can bring things to the table and I'm, I'm clear and I'm level headed and I have the patience and the understanding is there and, and, and the trust is being rebuilt and, and the support has never left, you know, so I've, I've really felt that if she could be with me at my worst, she's deserving of me at my best. That's beautiful. You know, and so every day I wake up to be a better wife, a better friend, you know, a better confidant a better worker, you know, a better student. I'm just striving and continuously growing and forming into the best version of myself that I could possibly be. But I believe that she's, she's, she's totally pleased with the woman I am today. Yeah, I,
Steve:I can't imagine how she wouldn't be. And out of all the many sayings and tips and phrases that we use in the rooms, do you have a favorite so far?
Mrs. Chan-Charley:Yes. I love the slogan, Keep Coming Back. I love the slogan, Easy Does It. I love the, the slogan that, You only have to do this one time, you know, like going at it, being clean and sober. I love the saying that the slogan that you only have to be perfect at not picking up a drink. Like, you know, life throws us a bunch of things that are challenging, difficult. Sometimes put strain, but to be perfect at not picking up a drink. I know that I can do that. I know that my peers can do that. I know it is possible. And so those are the slogans that I would have to choose.
Steve:Excellent. Well, thank you so much, Charlie. I know you're, or thank you so much, Mrs. Chan, Charlie. I know your journey is just beginning and I can't wait to have you back on down the road to check in and see how things are going for you.
Mrs. Chan-Charley:Yes, please. I'm looking forward. I love seeing you. I love the vibes. I love the energy, the hair color, the world, everything about you. Awesome. Thank you. And again, thank you for providing a safe space. For the LGBTQ plus a that's additional to the mustard seed that I visit nightly. I really, really thank you for that. It is a need, especially for our community. Happy
Steve:to be of service. So thank you so much. And if someone wanted to find you on Instagram, do you have a Instagram handle you'd like to share?
Mrs. Chan-Charley:Yes. So my Instagram handle is black underscore Ellen one. Musically, you can find me on SoundCloud at Chuck Muller. I'm up there and in my background, there's a picture of Tracy Morgan. You can't miss me in the description, it lets you know that I'm from the Bronx. And serious, serious inquiries can find me at ChanCharlie10460 at gmail. com.
Steve:Excellent. Well, thank you so much. It's been a pleasure.
Mrs. Chan-Charley:Thank you so much, Steve. Yes,
Steve:and... Have a black Friday. Yes, and... Awesome. Listeners, thank you for tuning in to another episode of Gay A Podcast. Make sure you're following us wherever you're listening right now so you can get these new episodes every Thursday. And if you haven't recently, tell a friend about us who might enjoy listening. Until next time, stay sober, friends. Yes.
