gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show
gAy A delivers inspiring stories about queer people in sobriety who are achieving amazing feats in their recovery, proving that we are all LGBTQIA+ sober heroes.
If you are looking for a safe space where all queer people, no matter their gender, sexual orientation, age, length of sober time, or method of recovery are valid, this is the sober show for you. If you are sober, you are a hero!
This show is not affiliated with any program or institution, so you will hear stories from alcoholics and addicts where people mention getting sober using recovery methods such as rehabilitation, both inpatient and outpatient rehabs, sober living, hospitals, and some of us who got sober at home on our own. Guests may mention twelve step programs like AA, CMA, SMART Recovery, or other methods, while accepting that no one answer is perfect for everyone.
This podcast will provide valuable insights for any interested in learning more about queer recovery, from those of us with years or even decades of recovery under their belt, to people just beginning their sobriety journey, to even the sober curious or friends and family of alcoholics and addicts.
Each week, host Sober Steve the Podcast Guy tries to answer the following questions in various formats and with different perspectives:
· How do I get and stay sober in the queer community?
· Can you have fun while being sober and gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, or queer?
· What does a sober life as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community look like?
· Where do sober gay and queer people hang out?
· How can I have good sex sober?
· What are tips and tricks for early sobriety?
· How can I get unstuck or out of this rut in my recovery?
· How will my life change if I get sober?
· Can you be queer and sober and happy?
· How can I untangle sex and alcohol and drugs?
gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show
Working with Your Partner Sober ft. Joey B (#189)
**Episode Highlights Include**
- **The Role of Community in Recovery:** Insights from my visit to Rainbow Hill Recovery and how my sober community helped me get through my insecurities in Los Angeles. 🤲
- **Building Professional Fulfillment:** Joey discusses the growth and success of Rainbow Hill now being DHCS certified and their dedication to making recovery accessible to EVERYONE. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
- **Joey’s Sober Heroes:** Honoring individuals like Manny Rodriguez, whose authenticity helped pave the way for Joey and others in the recovery community. 🦸♂️
- **Navigating Relationships At Work and At Home:** Exploring the delicate dynamics of relationships after addiction, emphasizing routine, communication, and mutual growth.🏣🏡
- **And Much More! **
**Where to Find Us:**
- Rainbow Hill Recovery 🏣
- Rainbow Hill Sober Living 🏡
- Totally Sober 🔴
- Joey’s IG 🟢
- gAy A on IG 🟢
- gAy A everywhere else 🖇️
Tell a friend to listen today!! Until next time, stay sober!
Okay. So it's kind of funny. I haven't been asked that question ever, so I knew I was destined to do something great. I didn't know what it was and I've said many times over I wake up one day when I was 13 that I wanted to be honest over living or open to treatment. I didn't know what it was. I thought it may be doing something in law. That wasn't my cup of tea. I know it needs to be with giving back to the communities, and then events, life time and everything kind of led us to bring the hell sober living and then now bring the hell recoveries.
Speaker 2:Hey there, super sober heroes, it's your host, sober Steve, the podcast guy, here today with 1,054 days of sobriety and I am so grateful for the amazing and wonderful time that I had in Los Angeles and I am also very excited to share with you this amazing interview that I had with Joey from Rainbow Hill Recovery and Rainbow Hill Sober Living right before I left for Los Angeles. And they merge in a funny way because, as I go into sharing with you all the things that I'm grateful for about my Los Angeles trip, it starts with Joey as well, because days after we finished hitting record where I was recording for my studio here and he was over at Rainbow Hill in Los Angeles, I flew over to Rainbow Hill about a week later and got to be on his show Totally Sober and get to meet him and Andrew and the amazing team there, and they were as wonderful in real life as they were and are working together on the podcast and behind the scenes. I'm so grateful for them. I am also very grateful for Joey for gifting me a little bit of Rainbow Hill swag in my white sweatshirt, because it totally saved my ass Even just that day on the ride home, as I realized that it gets really cold at night in Los Angeles for this Floridian who is used to the temperature not changing as drastically when the sun goes down. So I would have been very cold all week long anytime after seven or eight o'clock if it wasn't for Joey and from there the rest of the award show.
Speaker 2:The Ambies was awesome and the conference was great, although I do have to admit and be vulnerable for a moment, that it did start off with a little bit of imposter syndrome when I went to Podfest. One of the more invigorating or the beneficial parts was realizing how much of a podcasting badass I am in the fact that I've been podcasting for this long, that I'm consistently showing up for my listeners and that I've had an amazing listener fan base and that I'm successful enough to be in the top 25% of all podcasts out there, which, out of millions, is a pretty awesome accomplishment. And what really wowed people there was the fact that I've been doing it for so long puts me in the top four to three percent of longevity for podcasters than you'd typically find out there where most fail. So I had a lot to be proud of. But then I go out to Los Angeles where everyone are super snazzy podcasting professionals with their own studios and their own networks and their own huge marketing budgets. I swear one of the first panels that I went to was about how to advertise in your area, starting with your budget of thousands of dollars a month to be able to put billboards around town, and I realized real quickly that not all of these panels are going to be for this little.
Speaker 2:What I learned is called an indie podcaster, which again stung at first until I realized that the fact that I am doing this well as a one man show all on my own is pretty badass and that, whether that makes me an indie podcaster or a solopreneur or however you want to call it, I'm doing a pretty good job of showing up for my listeners and creating an audience and a community of sober, sober heroes and as well as being able to help other people now with their own podcast as well, it's pretty cool and it's something that I should be proud of. So luckily, I had fellows and friends who helped me talk me through that and I got there on my own, but it was rough at first, like having that little bit of like everyone was so big and treating me like I was so small and it never feels good, but I just have to remember that it wasn't about me and as I got to know people better and I was making more genuine connections beyond those surface level hi, nice to meet you. How big is your podcast? How big is my podcast? Let's compare to see which of our podcasts is bigger. Once you get past that and actually get to know a lot of the people at the conferences, I ended up having a really amazing time and made a lot of really cool connections, as well as going to meet fellows in the evening and getting to see the Tom of Finland house, which was also a part of gate history. I'm very privileged that I got the chance to see got to see an artist with some amazing work and hear some music, so that was a good night. That again was unexpected and definitely a gift of sobriety.
Speaker 2:The entire trip was, and then the confidence that I had when I left the conference on Friday and had five or six hours to kill. Normally the old me, even six months ago, probably would have gone straight to the airport to kind of shrink into a corner after checking in and just working on my podcasting or working on something in the airport for a while. But I realized that I was in Los Angeles, on the West Coast, for the first time on the West Coast and I had not seen the Pacific Ocean yet. And once I confirmed that that was the name of the ocean on the West Coast and not the Atlantic because I'm not the best person at geography I decided that I needed to see the Pacific Ocean and hopped in a lift and had them take me over there to see the ocean, even though I was carting around in a suitcase and normally I would have felt super insecure about it. But I'm at a point in my sobriety where I realize a lot of people on Santa Monica Pier are going to have a lot more shit going on, that they'll be too busy or too self-involved to even notice that I'm carrying around in a suitcase. And who are they to judge? Because it was my adventure and I had an amazing time and it was just a fantastic way to end it just feeling like I could do anything and just be myself and have a good time. And then come home and put all this good work, good knowledge and good skills and everything that I learned to work so that I can create a bigger, better, bestest ever one day podcast for all of you, because even though I am a solopreneur and I'm doing it all on my own, there is still room for growth and there are so many cool tips and tricks.
Speaker 2:If you're watching, you're seeing that this might be more of a new setup on the video, and if you're hearing it, you might even notice that the sound is a little bit better than what you've been used to. Recently as I transitioned from audio to video, it did compromise some of my audio integrity a little bit, but I have put systems and methods in place to help counterbalance that now so you can get back to the silky smooth sound of my voice that you've all come to know and love when you hear interviews from Sober Steve, the podcast guy. With that, let's head on over to my interview with Joey from Rainbow Hill Recovery. Hey there, super sober heroes, it's Steve here with Joey. Hey, joey.
Speaker 1:Hello, how are you? Thank you again for having me.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, the door is always open, but it's been a few months since you've been, and recently we've had the big switch to video, so people can not only be hearing you, they can also be watching you. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you. Thank you, I hope I look okay. Am I camera ready? Always.
Speaker 2:Even when we weren't, you were always camera ready. Why don't we, though, why don't you share what's been going on with you and your world for the past few months?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so since last time we talked it has been a while, so there's been a lot of we've been in the right direction with Rainbow Hill Recovery. As of December 1st we got our DHCS certification and that's our Department of Health and Services, which means that we are finally able to bill insurance. Before we were very limited with who we were able to help, because insurance is a very tricky thing to deal with. But we did get our joint commission, which is an accreditation, within the first week of opening back in June of last year. And we've been scholarshiping clients because we didn't want anyone to not be able to come to our program. But long story short, we're good. We accept most out-of-network benefits and we do still scholarship, and our newest mission is to make sure that the public knows about our affordable prices and that we do work on the sliding scale. So we've been really pushing.
Speaker 2:Excellent. I'm a huge fan of sliding scale. I know there was a time when I was getting acupuncture regularly and I was only able to get those services regularly thanks to the sliding scales that were being offered.
Speaker 1:So you know that's excellent and work has sounds like it's been learning how to separate work from personal life, because I have an issue with turning it off, but I thoroughly enjoy it. We started learning more about surrogacy, so that's something that Andrew and I have been talking about for a long time with what we want to do. So we went to a seminar, for the program was called Powered, very informative and yeah. So that's the next step that Andrew and I are looking into doing. So children, little munchkins.
Speaker 2:Excellent, how exciting. Well, that is wonderful, then, on all fronts and in terms of one of the newer concepts that I've been playing on with. The show is a sober hero, and so I thought, having you back on right away because when I first got sober and you were one of, like, the first guests I came on, that I was like, oh my god, he's so huge because he does all this amazing sobriety Like I. Definitely you are a sober hero to me and you have been but what?
Speaker 2:is the term sober hero mean to you the term?
Speaker 1:sober, I can't say sober. Sober. Hero to me is someone who leads with authenticity and truth and does not mind ruffling up a few feathers, because I'm sure. I mean, I'm a huge Marvel and DC imp. I mean Marvel, though, but there's always the good guys, always, you know, pince off the bad guys and the villains. So we're currently doing that, and we've been very vocal what our mission is. We don't mind calling out programs for doing things they shouldn't be doing. I mean, so I think someone who's sober and a hero is someone who sees true that they are their mission and they don't change because of the market.
Speaker 2:So I definitely agree, it definitely a lot of times people hear like hero and they almost feel like it needs to have a certain level of perfectionism. But, as you know, with like Marvel and DC stuff mostly Marvel like superheroes are really far from perfect. But what we are doing every day is trying to make a difference and make an impact and fight the fight.
Speaker 1:And we all have one hell of an amazing origin story. So the metaphor of being a superhero I find very fascinating, especially with sobriety, because we have. We have two roads. We can go, we can I don't like, or Dylan, but we could turn into a villain, or we can become a hero. So the choice, ultimately, is ours. I think that's there's a weight in what you're doing and I. That's there's weight in what you're doing and I. You're a hero of mine.
Speaker 2:So Well, thank you.
Speaker 1:Excellent and who are some sober heroes that you've looked up to in your road to recover. So one of which is probably, though it's in the treatment world. His name is Manny, and he is the founder of La Fuente, which is an LGBT program specifically, and they they're like the OG queer community queer treatment provider, so I do look up to him tremendously. He's sober I don't want to misspeak, but I know he has decades of sobriety, so he's somebody that I definitely look up to, and he was able to pave the way for programs like ours to exist. So good old Manny Rodriguez. Oh well, yeah, I mean, anyone could Google him.
Speaker 2:They can see that he's the owner of La Fuente. So, yes, manny, there you go, and I know that part of being a sober hero isn't only necessarily the mentors or the people we've looked up to along the way, but the people who are part of our journey now. Who is part of your sober community today? That helps you?
Speaker 1:Well, obviously, my husband, andrew Cox. He is my ride or die. He's not better than I am. I'm not better than he is. We work side by side. I have my strengths and he has his strengths, and vice versa when it comes to weaknesses. So where I fall short, he picks up the slack and I do the same, and definitely everyone at our team here at Rainbow Hill Recovery and our amazing staff at Rainbow Hill Cyberlight.
Speaker 1:We would not be where we are today without everyone's help, and I think sometimes that message gets lost. One message that we do talk to our clients about is how do you think somebody gets from point A to point B? Or if they're really successful, they have a whole village literally behind them. Who helped them get to where they are today? And I did an interview recently with Shoutout LA and one of the questions was who do you want to thank for success? And I literally dedicated that entire piece to our past clients at the house their parents, their loved ones for believing in us, allowing us to be a part of their story. So for us, it's really that simple.
Speaker 2:And a lot of times, as I interview people who are successful in what they're doing, a passion about what they're doing, they say that you know there was a part of them even as a young child that they knew that like they weren't sure of the what, but that they knew they were going to do something special. Could you, can you, identify with that experience?
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. So it's kind of funny. I haven't been asked that question ever. So I I knew I was destined to do something great. I didn't know what it was and I've said many times over I wake up one day when I was 13, that I wanted to be honest, over-living or open a treatment. I didn't know what it was. I thought it would be doing something in law. That wasn't my cup of tea. I knew it needed to be with giving back to the community. And then events, life time and everything kind of led us to Rainbow Hill Silver Living and then now Rainbow Hill Recovery. So I am very passionate about what we do here. Everyone our clients feel like our super children still so it's. I love that excellent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love hearing it. I actually was inspired. I thought of that question because I've been. I just started uh rupaul's book and you know he was talking about like how he felt that way. But I've also from a lot of mentors, like people who are great, like oftentimes were like I knew I was going to be great, I just didn't know how. So that's awesome that you have that experience.
Speaker 1:Like a pinch me moment, like it's happening, because with Ramblin' no Server Living, we always knew that that was just the start. That was always the start of how we were going to get from the house to having a treatment center. We were going to figure out along the way and then, with our treatment center, this is just what we call work-based too. So we have the next 10 years planned out how we're going to get. There is another question, and we will face challenges and we will have people telling us we can't do that, we can't do this. We're going to prove them wrong again. So we always knew that rainbow hell server living was just the start.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, excellent and without any giving any spoilers on, uh, phase three that you might not want to give. How far into phase two would you say you are right now, before you have a next big thing?
Speaker 1:uh, we're well. We're at almost a year in with space two, because we opened in june. What I will say and what I can say with the current phase that we're in is that, because we do not provide housing for treatment, there's a whole gray area on murky waters with that whole world and realm, our sober living and our IOP are unattached Different LLCs, different companies. We're currently in the process of battling against ourselves for our own trademark, because the word long story short, it's going to be perfectly fine, but we're going to be able to then have housing for clients specifically who go to Rainbow Recovery, which is amazing, and that's going to happen very soon, I hope.
Speaker 2:We learn so much about ourselves through our own recovery journey, but what's something that you've learned about yourself in your work in recovery that you might not have experienced if you weren't in the work that you're doing?
Speaker 1:And I've also learned that there is a right way to do things and there is a wrong way to do things, and the right way will always, always, always, when. But it will take a lot more time, and I am I'm a firm believer that everything does happen for a reason, and if something happens to take longer than expected, then so be it. I have patience.
Speaker 2:Patience is certainly something that's an art I feel like, and then most of us could use a little bit more of that. Instant gratification is something we chased after for some time, and in terms of also have having a lot of work in recovery and working with your husband, you said like you're the one who has trouble separating the work from the personal life. What does that look like?
Speaker 1:you know I have issues turning it off, especially when I get home and like we like to have designated days off, but you know it doesn't really happen. We would like to have a saturday or sunday. Then this past weekend we weren't able to take a day off, but we kind of signed up for that when we got started. But it's more about, like the quiet hours within our own home when we're like watching a movie. Maybe I could do a lot better and not have a freaking brilliant idea pop up in the middle of my head during like a really intense scene, like oh wait, hold that thought. So it's something that I'm working on and I think I will continue to work on for a while, and I have an amazing husband who understands that I'm trying my best, so I need to learn how to turn it off yeah, but I can definitely relate to that and luckily, like, my husband right now has his own things as well, where, if we're both, even when we're together, we're oftentimes like working on our own separate projects.
Speaker 2:We're just sharing space together. So what kind of routines do you have as a couple to help make sure that you have that time with each other?
Speaker 1:he makes me dinner every single night so I'm very fortunate and I love his cooking and we watch our shows like ritually after I think. We usually start like 10 30 pm and then we stay up a little bit later, but we have like that's our nightly thing. So we'll have dinner and then it's time to go to bed, we'll watch whatever show, we're binging pops and do it all over again the next day.
Speaker 2:So very, very vanilla and I love it I was gonna say that, depending on how spicy his cooking is, it could be as spicy as you'd like it with that routine. What would you say if it was the perfect meal with the perfect show right now? What would that be for you?
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, well, his home cooked salmon with he makes these really good Brussels sprouts and greens I don't know, they're like long green things, green beans, green beans. Yes, those are green beans, green beans. And then right now we're hooked on Queen of the South, which is kind of like badass. It's about Marcos I mean I don't know what it is about shows with, you know, drugs cartels being sober, but I mean that's the current one that we're on. And then I what's the? Also sleep that I do Turn it off and I switched to Avid, so I've been watching Avid.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there you go we are. I think two or three episodes into that, but it's definitely on our list. My husband watched all the cartoons. He's very excited that it was renewed for seasons two and three.
Speaker 1:I think I'm on episode five now.
Speaker 2:I don't know the source material, so it's a different experience watching it with him. I'm glad he can explain it to me.
Speaker 1:He didn't watch Amplified growing up.
Speaker 2:Oh, my god Missed it. I'm being schooled right now. There are a lot of important life lessons. Well, I look forward to seeing them being recreated today. Yes, to seeing them being recreated today. Yes. And in addition to your nights together, what is something that you consider special that you two do together? Perhaps maybe monthly or quarterly?
Speaker 1:Well, going out to dinner is also really nice. I like to be spoiled from time to time. I say I don't, but he knows I do. So I think having that nice experience outside of not a work lunch or a work dinner but just the two of us phones off the house could be burning down. That's why we have amazing staff there, so we can actually enjoy each other's company. So I don't know, it's nice to do that and it makes me happy, and then we can talk about kids and what we wanted, Like it's just amazing things. That's excellent. I like the simple things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I mean I'm sure that that must be nice, because at least for me back in my addiction, like things weren't always very simple, so that's something that I definitely craved in recovery was simplicity. Good old chaos, our old friend in recovery was simplicity. Good old chaos, our old friend and any advice for people who are in relationships that might be having some stress that you know. Maybe you've learned, you know a wise tool or tip or trick or a bit of advice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, one piece of advice that was shared with me from my amazing therapist was when you're in an argument or you're, you're heated, just like a soda bottle when you shake it up, fizzes up. You don't want to take the cap off because once the soda comes out it's all over the place. Arguments are the same way. You don't want to say anything when you are heated because you can't take it back.
Speaker 1:So cooling off, taking a beat and then talking to your loved one about what's going on, what's bothering you, and then also this exercise sounds really funny, but I was very guilty of this when it came like early on in our relationship where I thought I heard him say something but he didn't actually say that. So you repeat like did, did you say, or am I understanding correctly? Did you say? And then 99 of the chances are that's not what your partner said. We'll make assumptions in our head, so I didn't back, sometimes like wait, that's somebody said, so we're good I've had to learn the difference between like what they say and what I hear is always the same.
Speaker 2:So the clarification and generally just the more you talk to your partner, the better it turns out.
Speaker 1:And it's also really nice being next to somebody where no words have to be said either, just being right next to them, you can see it so.
Speaker 2:And for people who might not have not be in a relationship at the moment, whether by choice or by not, what's something that you would say Like when did you know that he was the one, or that it was different, or that it was right?
Speaker 1:It was the way that he made me feel. I didn't feel like a number or a day of the week. Before dating him. I always dated people who I thought I should end up with or he put me on. I was like a show dog. I had zero. I had little to no value in my eyes of what I was worth. And then, andrew, we were friends for a year prior to, and I did a lot of the work myself. I had a therapist. But being with somebody who actually brings out the best in you and brings out challenges within yourself, I mean I was like there was a lot.
Speaker 1:And then, when you're ready to date, um, you ask yourself the question would I date myself right now? The answer is no, then maybe you shouldn't be dating. And that when the answers are just to ask them, you know, try it out. And and then you're like, okay, I'm ready to date, I'm ready to date, I'm ready to date, I'm ready to date, I'm ready to date, I'm ready to date, I'm ready to date. The answer is no, then maybe you shouldn't be dating.
Speaker 2:And that when the answers were just to ask them, you know try it out and any other updates or things to come that you'd like to share regarding Rainbow Hill.
Speaker 1:So well, not related. Well, rainbow Hill is sure everyone just an amazing. Yeah, we opened our doors to trans women five months ago now, so we have trans women at the house, which is freaking amazing. So that's Rainbow Hill Superliving. And then, with Rainbow Hill, recovery, our mission is to get the word out there that we are affordable, we are a formidable course and that we are literally a phone call away.
Speaker 1:But something I don't know if we spoke about this last time, but I have been working on a nonprofit called Big Little Bows. So Big Little Bows is a 501c3 nonprofit and it is for members of our community. So we have it'll be for gay teens 15 to 17 years old. We'll have gay men mentoring gay boys and trans men, trans women mentoring trans teens, and basically the premise is to have an older somebody to look up to who understands exactly what you're going through.
Speaker 1:I selfishly wish I had somebody like me to look up to when I was 15, 16, 17.
Speaker 1:Granted, I wasn't ready or in the headspace to get sober back then, but it's specifically for teens who are actively working a program, whether that's cma, dharma refuge, or, if they're not in 12 step at all, they're, you know, at least talking about it openly, that they want help so they can have somebody they can live up to talk to.
Speaker 1:I'll give you a perfect example of a 15 year old trans girl who is going to be mentored by a trans woman who understands exactly what the trans girl's going through, and they get to relate on recovery. And then the funds that we're able to fundraise will help individuals get into LGBT-affirming sober livings, because sober livings are not allowed to take insurance. That is a huge misconception. It is all out of pocket, but no one should have financial barriers to go to a home. That's a farming, and the same is true with treatment. So that was a mouthful, but yes, it is something that I've been working on for a while and I am so excited to get it out to the world, so thank you for allowing me to share that, yeah, thank you for that and any other final thoughts.
Speaker 1:We are stronger together. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's so true.
Speaker 2:So definitely is so true. Well, thank you so much for coming on for the update, Joey. It's been a pleasure catching up and I'm sure we'll see you again before too long with your next update.
Speaker 1:Perfect, thank you Bye.
Speaker 2:Welcome back everyone. I am so glad you got a chance to experience that interview, Joey. It's always a pleasure, and before you leave, I will ask if you haven't recently, or if you enjoyed the episode today, to tell a friend or fellow about it. That is the number one best way that podcasts grow. Yes, we could throw money into advertising and social media marketing and branding, but it ends up the most effective way for people to find new podcasts is to hear about it from a friend, and so if you like this podcast and you want to support it and help it grow, the best thing that you can do is to send a link to this episode to a friend or fellow who might need it, so that they can. Either you can help them stay sober today or help make their sober day even better than it would have been otherwise. So thank you very much for sharing it and once you're done sharing that, you can head on over to Totally Sober Joey's channel to watch my interview with him. And until next time, friends, stay sober.
