gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show

Living Authentic, Sober, and Queer ft. Sam (#199)

• Steve Bennet-Martin • Season 2 • Episode 19

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Sober Steve celebrates 1,123 days of sobriety by reflecting on a recent pride experience and the value of friendships. He welcomes guest Sam to discuss the journey of overcoming alcoholism and drug addiction, sharing candid stories about choosing sobriety over harmful habits. They delve into the challenges and joys of living authentically in the queer community, redefining personal truths, and cultivating genuine friendships. Key topics include recovery steps, embracing one's true self, dealing with societal expectations, and forming supportive relationships in sobriety. The episode emphasizes acceptance, continuous self-improvement, and the importance of living an authentic life.

00:36 Introduction and Gratitude
04:54 Interview with Sam Begins
10:31 Sam's Journey to Sobriety
22:41 Living Authentically in Sobriety

**Where to Find Us:**
- Sam on Instagram 🟢
- gAy A on IG 🟢
- gAy A everywhere else 🖇️

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Sam:

and that relationship ended because I'm an alcoholic. And I'll tell you that it took me until recently to say the sentence, I chose alcohol over that man. Even at the time I definitely wasn't saying that I was like, well, I don't know. You know, I think I was able to admit that alcohol played a part, but it was like he said, if you're going to drink, I'm not going to be with you. And I said, I'm going to drink. that's choosing alcohol over your boyfriend, honey, you know, and it took me a really long time to admit that.

Steve:

Hey, they're super. Hero's it's your host. So receive the podcast sky. And I am here to say with 1,123 days sober. And I am so excited to share my interview with Sam. They were a pleasure to get to know this week, but before we get into that, I will start with my gratitude. My gratitude that I'm reflecting on today is just how grateful I am for an awesome weekend. Experiencing pride in St. Pete, a neighboring city of mine here in Sarasota. That is oftentimes known for being the rowdy place where pride things happen at night in bars and clubs. And in my first couple of years of sobriety, I was too afraid to go out and be tempted. I didn't go out beforehand because I was an isolated drinker and I couldn't get smashed like that. That whatever reasons held me back from before this year was my first experience. Being able to go out on the busy pride night. Like the busiest night of the year for pride. And go to a club and dance and have a good time and do a pool party with queer people next day, wearing my little Speedo, living my best authentic life, playing. Volleyball in the pool and the rain and just enjoying myself. And a big part of that, that I also want to add as a gift of sobriety that I'm grateful for is my ability to have a best friend right now in my life. That's the game, man. And that might sound like a very small thing for some of you saying, you know, you're been in the queer community for years. Having a gay best friend has no big deal, but I struggled with it, especially. When I was drinking, I was never possible. In fact, like, look back now on a lot of the friendships that I had started to build. With gay men that were platonic and it wasn't even the sex that always would mess it up. When I was. getting drunk and having sex with them. It was the getting drunk part. That was the problem. And I realized that in my recovery, as I'm having this friendship, with someone that I met through kickball and that we work out together, Luis, we have a great time. You know, I guess when you worked out with someone two hours in the morning, Five or six days a week, you start to get to know them really well. And now we're hanging out and doing things like boys' night out at pride and doing the pool parties together. And it's so great. Being able to have a friend where we have the boundaries where it's not getting messy or sloppy or sexual or anything other than just the fact that. I think that he's a fun guy to hang out with. And I like being his church cheerleader and cheering him on and he feels the same way about me and that I'm sharing him on and we just build each other up and lift each other up. And that's what friendship is about. It is just wild because I have that relationship with women in my life all the time. And even I've had that with straight men before. And it's something that I normally don't have with a lot of gay people, but it's something that even gay people seem to be caught off guard with. I spent half of Sunday. Telling our friends that we were just friends because they're not used to seeing. To gay people, I guess be best friends and not have it be something going on. More than just platonic, but I know that that's also, this is a group of people that were drinking and. We're drinking actively at the time. Being able to experience the joys of having platonic friendships with. Gay men, if you're a gay man or with lesbian women, if you're a lesbian woman. I can't be the only one who had trouble keeping those boundaries straight between the drinking and the sex and the friendships when I was in my active use and addiction. So I love that for me and my life and my journey right now. And I would love to hear your experiences if you want it to reach out. I'd love to share them on the podcast during one of these intros, or maybe this would be a great guest episode, if you want to talk on it more and come on, but I'd love to talk more about someone, about what it's like building friendships and sobriety and how that might be different. because it's been, as you see on my mind recently, as I've been building this possum in real life friendship, that doesn't take away from all the amazing best friendships with gay people that I found through doing this podcast and online. It's just a little different when it's somebody in your backyard. Work out with, or go running or go dancing and have fun with. So I'd love to chat with that more, but speaking of amazing and awesome chats. I had a great time catching up with Sammy just a short while ago. I can't wait to have you all listen to it. So with that, enjoy the interview. Hey there, listeners. It's Steve here with Sam. Hey, Sam. Welcome to the show. Hello.

Sam:

Thank you for having me.

Steve:

Yes. I was so privileged to get to connect with you online. And we were so close to meeting in real life when I was in Los Angeles. But I am so great that we get to connect here and now for this interview.

Sam:

No, thank you.

Steve:

What message do you have that you really want to lead with?

Sam:

Well, what drew me to the podcast was you're gay, you're gay and you're sober, right? I think telling queer stories, representation, I think representation is really what drew me because it's important. And anywhere that there is someone who is queer telling queer stories is really important to me, and so to have the opportunity to be a part of it in any way, to share my queer story, especially when sobriety is involved because that is also a huge part of my life. Any opportunity to be a part of that I'm gonna take.

Steve:

And speaking of being a member of the queer community, what would you say is your favorite part of being a member of the queer community today?

Sam:

What is my favorite part? that's such a great question. I think with so much divisiveness happening in the world. I am, proud to say that I work to be as authentic to who I am and I think the queer community is a place where I can do that and feel most safe and feel most comfortable. Yeah.

Steve:

Yeah. I can relate. I recently had the realization that 80 to 90 percent of the people I run into on a daily basis between real life and online are all queer. And that like, it's the minority that I'm around, like straight or hetero, heteronormative people. And I was like, that's why I'm so happy all the time. It's like my safe space. Like I'm with my people.

Sam:

interesting. I lived in New York for 15 years and really sort of, I don't know, subconsciously or not, created a very queer bubble. I mean, New York is quite queer, but like my entire world was queer. And I liked it that way, especially growing up in a place in Indiana where that was not the case. So then, so now I live in Los Angeles and to, I've left my big fat queer bubble that I, loved so much. How are people in my life now? Li different from the life I ago when I was living in Yeah.

Steve:

Yeah. And what is your favorite part of being sober today?

Sam:

Oh my my favorite part of being sober is the constant work that I get to put in to continue to be my most authentic self and follow the path that is already laid out for me. grateful for the work, you know, the opportunity to become a better human. There's little things like acceptance. That I didn't often operate from. And so there's a sort of relief in accepting what is and trying to figure out how to navigate through what is instead of denying what is and trying to find a way around it. Thank you. Because, babe, what you got is what you got. Yeah. You know? So, it is like work, but also considerably less work to just accept what is, and Get through instead of trying to find a way around or over or under like, you know

Steve:

Yeah I was telling someone who like wasn't in recovery this weekend at pride while they were like asking about my drinking in like a sober Curious kind of way and I was like the 12 steps like that I did to like help me get sober that I know don't work for everyone but like I did them and I worked them hard because I felt like I had no other choice, but it was like a lot of hard work that a lot of people see, and they're like, I'm not gonna do all that shit, like, it's not that bad. And, but I'm like, I wish that, like, it felt so heavy and so hard to do at the time, but once I was done with it, and it's not like it takes a long time, it was just an emotional amount of work in a short period of time, But like I feel like so much like I function as a human being so much better today than I ever did before like I know how to function I know how to like accept things and let things go and not hold on to resentments and these are all things that people out in the real world that don't have sobriety and recovery or like struggling with like and I'm like I wish everyone had something like that or got desperate enough where they were ready to do the work because it was work, but after the work is done, life is never the same.

Sam:

Absolutely. I often say this program, these steps, working the steps will remove the drugs and alcohol. Like this program will help me not do drugs and alcohol, but I am a better human. Like anyone can work these steps. You don't have to be an addict to work these steps. You want to become a better human? Get into these steps, accept some things, some truths about yourself that maybe you're uncomfortable, work through them, figure out what your part is in the situation, figure out if there's a pattern in that. So you stop doing it, clean up the mess that you made and work on not doing it again. like that's just like human stuff. And the bonus is I don't do drugs and alcohol. I don't use.

Steve:

That's the bonus.

Sam:

Yes, a lot more free time. then there's like a whole nother slew of things to work on once like the drugs and alcohol are gone.

Steve:

Yeah. Well, before we remove them completely from the conversation, why don't we dive into a little bit about what got you to where you are today?

Sam:

Well, I guess I'll say I drank alcoholically from the very first time I ever took a drink it took me a very long time to realize, admit that I was not drinking like anyone else around me. And then it became a thing where I was drinking like everyone else around me, because those are the people that I sought out subconsciously, even maybe, and that way I could look around and be like, look, these people are drinking just like me. Everyone's doing the same thing I'm doing. So then I could say that I didn't have a problem. So yeah, that was that, you know Just like wreckage that I was not able to see or not willing to be like, oh, this took place because I was drinking all the time and like Wasn't making it to class or Wasn't performing my best in a rehearsal process you know to be like there are like thing like benchmarks sort of that look at and be like This is why this didn't work out. College didn't work out because I personally shouldn't be going to college. I just like, had no idea who I was. And like, I grew up in a time where it was like, graduate high school, go to college, like it's not for everyone. And that's a whole nother podcast, but alcohol played a huge part in me not continuing in college. I moved to Chicago to dance professionally. And I was studying at the studio and I was there for a year and that kind of like, wasn't my best effort because again, I was young and had kind of a little bit of no idea who I was. But alcohol played a huge part in my not continuing on there. Then I booked a tour and that was bumpy because I was drinking like an alcoholic because I'm an alcoholic. And then I moved to New York after that tour. And Got into a relationship and that relationship ended because I'm an alcoholic. And I'll tell you that it took me until recently to say the sentence, I chose alcohol over that man. Even at the time I definitely wasn't saying that I was like, well, I don't know. You know, I think I was able to admit that alcohol played a part, but it was like he said, if you're going to drink, I'm not going to be with you. And I said, I'm going to drink. that's choosing alcohol over your boyfriend, honey, you know, and it took me a really long time to admit that. Fast forward alcohol. Wasn't enough drugs in my life had kind of been in and out. I had smoked pot. there was a period of time where I lived with a drug dealer who was a lovely person and he was experimenting with, there was constantly something like. Acid or coke or excess lots of ecstasy at this time, which is what we called it back in the day. I had dabbled in lots of different things I was like, take it or leave it. Everything's fine. I was doing coke occasionally, in New York when I lived there. then I found crystal meth. someone said to me, Oh, have you ever done this? I said, Oh, I think I had done it once in college, like at a party, did it, danced a bunch. Moved on with my life. It didn't do it again. So I was living in Chicago at the time, actually, and someone was like, have you done this? I was like, oh, yeah, I've done it once. And so I went to his place and did it. And then 16 hours later, I left his place and was like, then that became a spiral. That was in 2009. Moved back to New York. I was just in Chicago for a little while. Moved back to New York and from 2010 to 2012, the spiral, the meth spiral was crazy. And then in 2012, a very dear friend, an angel in my life, who I had just moved in with to help her craft a one woman show. We were, she's a very talented artist and we, I moved, we were going to create something together and she was working on this project and she asked me to help her and I was like, sure. And so I moved in with her I was there like two weeks and she said, yeah. You once told me that you use, you have used crystal meth, and I think that's what's going on. You're, you're crazy. What's going on? This, we can't have this. And it was the first time, and I had been like, knowing in my head, you know, it was secret. No one knew that I was using it for the longest. And then when I was wanting to quit, but couldn't, I started, I told one friend here. I think I had told maybe three people in my circle. At this point and she was not one of them. I know that she was not one of them. Which doesn't matter because I think that this friend had told her he was like, Sam has just moved into this woman's house. so when she told me that it was the 1st time that someone was like, hi, here's a mirror, like, had confronted me about it and said it was a problem and I needed to stop. And I was like, oh, thank God, checked into rehab. Was sober for like five and a half years. Then I got fearful that the things I wanted in my life, cause when I got sober, living in New York, there's a housing lottery. You can like sign up for this housing lottery and I won it. I had a luxury one bedroom apartment at 45th and 11th. And I lived there by myself and the rent was Very cheap. They call it a housing lottery because it is literally the lottery. I lived there for, five years. And then, I got fearful that the things I wanted in my life weren't gonna come at all. I got, fearful that they weren't coming on my time. and I was lonely. I wanted someone to share this amazing life with. And so I relapsed and that was four years of a relapse. I also recently came to the realization that. Moving to Los Angeles was a geographic, I think which at the time I was not, I, wouldn't have told like, no, I love New York. I thought I was going to die in New York City. I love it. It's the greatest city in the world. I still think that today. But I had traveled to California for a softball tournament and I was left in New York February and I landed in California February and I was like, what's going on over here. So then I booked for the end of the year to see if I wanted to move to LA. then the pandemic happens. Then I ended up in Indiana for seven months. Then I moved back to New York and wrapped up my life and moved here. And I gave up that amazing apartment. And I was like, I'm moving to LA everyone. And literally everyone I spoke to was like, what are you going to do with that apartment? And we can talk about that later to move to California. I was here three months. I used like three times, like once a month. And on that third time, I was like, well, I'm going to kill myself. God, I had program. I had recovery already built in me. So I was like, where can I find a meeting? because there are no accidents, there was an Alano club. That was a two minute, literal two minute walk from where I was staying. So I walked in there and got sober, again. And that was, 860 days ago.

Steve:

Well, congratulations on that.

Sam:

It is. yeah, February 14th is my sober date only because it was a Monday. people are like, oh, Valentine's Day. I'm like, no, no, no, it was Monday. It was a Monday and I love to start on a Monday. I think October 1st was my old sobriety day 2012 and that was a Monday as well. I love a good Monday. Let's get going.

Steve:

Why would you say you did differently the second time around?

Sam:

what's funny this time I walked into that meeting and, and I started going to meetings and I was like, all right, everyone, I'm back. It's fine. I'm sober again. I know what to do. I, I'm good. And this gentleman walked up to me, handed me a phone list on like my second meeting or something. And I was, I said, Oh no, no, no, thank you. I'm not going to be needing that. I'm good. And in my head, I'm like, I'm back. It's fine. I'm going to meetings. I'm sober. I'm not going to get a sponsor. I'm not working the steps. I'm good. Thank you so much. I'm here. Everything's fine. And then I met a gal through this organization called the Phoenix, which I don't know if but it's an amazing organization. They host, sober events. They host events for folks in recovery. All forms of recovery. All the events are free. The only cost for attending the event is 48 hours of continuous sobriety. It's all volunteer based. They do things like paddleboarding, pickleball, craft days pool nights. I met this gal at a pool night, like we were shooting pool, met her. We had about, she had maybe like two weeks more than me. She had a sponsor. She was working the steps. And I thought, good for you, honey. Good for you. So we started hanging out and she was like, I'm going to meet my sponsor. I'm going to work this step. And I thought, all right, maybe I'll, maybe I'll get a sponsor. Maybe I'll get a sponsor, but I'm not going to work the steps. Then I got this sponsor. And don't that I, the person I was like, who do I want it to be? And the person I reached out to to be my sponsor was that gentleman who offered me the phone list. And it was like our second meeting. He's like, Do you remember that you, I tried to give you this phone list, and you said, no thank you, I won't be needing that, and I said, I did? I don't remember this happening at all. But he told me, and I was like, well, it sounds like something I would do, But he's my sponsor, and I would say the difference this time is I got exactly the sponsor that I needed. Man really changed my life, really changed my life. He helped me cultivate a relationship with a higher power that I did not have the last time I was sober. I'm a spiritual person, I'm a Buddhist, so like I have spirituality and I believe, in the universe and higher power, but the connection, the relationship that I got to cultivate and build, this go around is I did not have before. It's leaps and bounds different. And I think that for me is the biggest, biggest difference, cultivating that relationship and then relying on it.

Steve:

Yeah, I can definitely relate, and thank you so much for being so vulnerable with your share about how you got here.

Sam:

You know, I think that leads into, you're like, Oh, what do you want to talk about? And like, authentic living is important to me. Also, I think I always have not known how to do anything other than be myself and drugs and alcohol help you not be yourself, you know, and they think you think that you are so then to not have that anymore and then to have this higher power situation, also I'm getting older as I have gotten older, there is this like X and acceptance.

Steve:

I love the idea of talking about authenticity because it is one of those words where whether you're sober or not, you either hear the word and you're like, Oh, I love that word and I want to learn more about living authentically or you're like if I heard that word one more time I'm gonna pull out all my hair and scream but I also realize like a lot of those times those people need to work their program a little bit harder because like Learning how to live authentically is something that took me like I only started it probably about right before my like, you know, third sober birthday or like this past November, I would say is when I really started realizing that, yeah, I drank to kind of fit in, but even when I got sober, So now I'm going to be able to fit in without having to drink to fit in, but like how to fit other people's expectations of me and make sure like everyone around me is happy with like the way that I'm living my life. And like not asking myself, how do I want to live my life? And it was only When I got to the point where I was sober, but so overwhelmed by everyone around me's expectations of who I should be, that I finally, like, the me that I wanted to be was like, I just need to just start being me, and like, these people can either accept it or they can just fuck off. And so being able to go through that experience recently, and see people like you who are living out loud authentically, and really comfortable. And I was like, yeah, I want to learn more from people who have been doing it longer because there's still moments where I question myself before I go out, you know, with something that I'm wearing that's, gender nonconforming or, think about how people might perceive me. And so I know that feeling never goes away, but just how it gets maybe easier going through it. what was your relationship with living authentically in sobriety? Like,

Sam:

Yeah, I think my relationship with living authentically in sobriety, I think, was harder, I remember the first time I put on a dress and went out in public. it was like a t shirt dress, a camo t shirt dress, which I still have in my closet. I remember being like, okay, you're gonna go outside, you're gonna wear this. I was living in New York I remember walking down the street and in my head, it was like, all right, honey, you're wearing this dress. You're wearing this. This. Okay. Okay. And like, if someone would look at me, I would get that person just looked at you. Like, I was very aware of what was going on, you know, and I wasn't, This was in the middle of the relapse. I don't think about my head is not going, you know what I mean? I've also been doing it for a while now. I love that you said, you know, I'm, I'm going to do this and everyone can, if you don't like it, you can fuck off. Like, right. Like yes, but also like, as, as, as, you know I say that as graciously as possible, you know what I mean? Like I, you're, it's just now that like your feedback is neither requested or required, you know what I mean? It's just, I don't. And all. My head clear I don't, you know there is a lack of people pleasing that goes, that must go into living authentically as a human. For me, it was a large period and I think still is a period of redefining definitions that I have held for a very long time. I grew up in Indiana. There are definitions that I learned. That I have held on to for a long time, and I've let a lot of them go, slash had to, slash wanted to slash thank god I did, you know didn't have a choice, in many cases even the period of redefinition is huge, for authentic living, you know what I mean, oh, And listen, honey, I get it. I get it. They, what do you mean? They, them, what is like, that's a plural and like, I'm confused. And it doesn't, honey. You're like the call is coming from within the house like I would I I learned the same thing you did. We learned the same thing. Now, just for a second. Can you imagine what it would be like to be on the inside looking out because you're on the outside looking in here. get it. And when the term non binary first started being floating around in the universe, I was, I rejected this term. In my day, it was just fat. You were just oh, you, like, you're very gay. Oh, you like cheerleading. You like, you know, volleyball, which my team did not have a men's team. It was only girls played volleyball. Girls did cheerleading. Girls did that. Girls did theater. Girls did, you know what I mean? All of the things that I was into were the girl things, you know what I mean? And that's from a young age. I'm not doing anything, honey. That is what I like. I didn't choose to like that. I didn't choose to see my Barbie, my sister's Barbies and be like, that girl needs a haircut. I'm just going to go ahead and get in there. you know what I mean? Like that is what I was into. right. It's an inside out perspective. Accepting that coming to the realization that oh, I've got to maybe redefine some things and first of all, understanding that it is possible. I am allowed to redefine these things. This is not that in stone here. Like, I am a human. I am a human. And this is how I move on the planet, and I no longer adhere to definitions that we have been taught, slash learned, our entire life, and I get. I get that that is scary for some people because we like to know things when we know things I can put you where you belong I don't have to worry about you because I know and I don't have to fear because the unknown is fear and like I don't have to worry because now I know where you are and you telling me that you are neither gender slash both genders doesn't compute in my brain. I get that because it didn't compute in my brain either. I was like non binary, get that out of here. It sounds so clinical. I'm not non binary. What like what? And then, and then, you know, reading the definition of non binary, I was like, ah, okay. You know, it took time, but I had to be patient with myself and give myself some grace while. Chunks of, of definition, like, 30 plus years of definition were falling off, and I was like, recreating who I was, the new definition, on me. it was always really there anyway, I was just like, Chunking these things on because we learn and we, you know, okay, great, great. Just like licking these things off and being like, Oh, look at that right there. That's me. And then loving that. which is kinder. Yeah. Which is possible for everyone. That's all I'm saying.

Steve:

Yeah, everyone can do that, and I definitely love, the whole, people, yeah, they want to fit you into boxes, and when you don't, their minds break, and then, I just have to just be like, well, it's not about you either, or it's not about me, the fact that they're reacting that way, that's their experience that's causing them to react that way, it's not me and my thing.

Sam:

Also, I do want to be a human on the planet who holds space as difficult as it is for those humans who are, going through whatever they're going through because I am who I am. Listen, I get it. I get it because I was taught that too. I understand how it can be confusing and strange and scary and It's happening. So let's have a dialogue about how it's happening. What's going on in head right now? what's the fear there? what's the confusion? Can you be just a pinch open curious? Can you just stay a little bit curious? About it try keep the fear over here for a second and I'm gonna hold this space for you to have the fear over here and listen, just listen and be open to. Having that conversation, and at the end, no longer being confused.

Steve:

Yes,

Sam:

agreed.

Steve:

And what advice would you give to someone who says, Okay, I'm sober, but how do I rewrite these definitions that I have for myself about what life should be like? And how do I start living authentically? What advice would you give them?

Sam:

Just do it. I mean, okay. Well, first of all, staying sober is it, you know what I mean? Like, that is the path for me. That was the path in, and even if I wasn't sober now, like, I'm in to authentic living, like, I am who I am now so great, but if I wasn't sober, I would immediately cut off. I would no longer be growing in my authentic self. So super grateful to have gotten where I am now, but I won't go any further if I'm not sober. Like it's just. I believe it's not possible. So staying sober is key. I think allowing whatever comes up to come up. I have been given these proclivities that I've been given thoughts and desires and feelings. When they are in me, I didn't put them there. Like who's running the show here. what I'm saying? Like my higher power, the universe, source spirit, whatever you call it, God. Provide like, put this here. Like I did not create this, something else did. So when something is there, it is supposed to be there. So honoring that, accepting that. And. If it's different than something you've ever experienced before, sitting with that and being like, oh, this is new. But, that's okay, because it's supposed to be there, because it's there. And that's acceptance, for me, like, whether you like it or not, you know? And then, keeping your feet moving. Like, I just keep my feet moving. my huge thing that I love saying is, and I hashtag this a lot on my Instagram, become who you are. I mean, we don't need permission, and if you do, here it is, you have it, you have permission, just go, just do, just be, we're looking for someone to tell us it's okay to get our nails done. Wear that dress put this makeup on wear that outfit go to this place whatever we get to do this one time, one time that we remember one time walking on this planet. I just am not Interested in not honoring every single facet of my being like, and I cannot be concerned. Sorry. I cannot be concerned with how that affects you. If you want to have a dialogue about it, sure, honey, what's up? How you doing? What's going on there? Heard. I will converse with anyone about it. Not for a long period of time because I'm busy and I'm going somewhere, but I will talk with you. What's going on? But I, it's not going to change. I don't think. Maybe it will because I also am a curious person who wants to remain open and receive feedback and hear you and wonder because my definitions are no longer set in stone. Nothing is set in stone. Here's what I have the definition for myself right now, but that is always changing. I'm always open. I try to stay always open to having that change and dialogues will do that, you know, open, curious, you know, let's breathe through this because it's going to be challenging potentially. But also, I'm down, let's get in there, let's figure some things out, ask some questions. You want, we all want to know so bad, we'll figure it out. You know what I mean?

Steve:

And when you ask, listen to the answer.

Sam:

Just listen. Just listen and be open to the fact that it's going to potentially be something that you have never heard before, or that you disagree with, or that goes against what you've been taught your entire life. Are you open to redefining some things? Not only for me, honey, but for yourself as well. And I think oftentimes what I have encountered is that people see someone on this planet living authentically in who they are, and that frightens them because they know that they're not doing it themselves. And what I say to you is you have permission to do the same. You want to have a conversation. I'll help you get there. I will help you if I can in any way be as authentic as you can be, because there are like, there are no rules here.

Steve:

Fake rules. it reminds me of, one of the things I heard early on in, my new transformation, over the past eight months has been from the top five regrets of the dying by BronyWare. the number one is that people say, after this person who works in hospice, was quizzing these people as they were dying for years what's your biggest regret? writing it all down and compiling it all into the top five regrets people have number one was I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. And that was what people this was decades ago on their death beds before. Non binary pronouns and people were woke or not woke or like before all of this was going on But even then just these people that were in their 80s 90s who had lived these full lives through all these world wars were still like I wish I had been more me and like nowhere on that top five was like so wish I spent more time pleasing others Like it was That it was me Nowhere

Sam:

It doesn't say I wish I had spent more time pleasing others

Steve:

I

Sam:

love that. And what you won't catch on my list is regretting that I didn't live as authentically as possible. And I will say again, I'm choosing to live an authentic existence because I think, you can choose that. I can choose to Adhere to societal norms and put some pants on instead of this dress and go outside I can choose that but I was not given a choice to be someone who is More inclined to pick out a dress when i'm going somewhere than pants. I didn't choose that you know what I mean this i'm not like this is it honoring that and Getting into it honey, because what is? Is Yes. Whether you want it to be there or not. It's that that is what is there. So you can stop in the path and sit there until you are no longer here on this planet. But that will always be there.

Steve:

Yeah.

Sam:

That's it.

Steve:

Acceptance.

Sam:

Acceptance.

Steve:

Excellent. Well, Sam, it's been amazing. I was so looking forward to this all weekend long. Every time I saw my calendar, I was normally I dread Mondays, but I was this is going to be so much for making my Monday awesome. And it'll be coming out this Thursday with the way that podcasting magic works. So if you're listening on release day, find us on Instagram at night. It's going to be at, I think I said 9pm my on the East Coast, 6 p. m. Yes, but listeners, thank you so much for into another episode. Sam, how can they find you online?

Sam:

I'm on Instagram, The Sammy situation is my Instagram. that where I'll sometimes be.

Steve:

Thank you everyone for until next time, stay

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