gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show
gAy A delivers inspiring stories about queer people in sobriety who are achieving amazing feats in their recovery, proving that we are all LGBTQIA+ sober heroes.
If you are looking for a safe space where all queer people, no matter their gender, sexual orientation, age, length of sober time, or method of recovery are valid, this is the sober show for you. If you are sober, you are a hero!
This show is not affiliated with any program or institution, so you will hear stories from alcoholics and addicts where people mention getting sober using recovery methods such as rehabilitation, both inpatient and outpatient rehabs, sober living, hospitals, and some of us who got sober at home on our own. Guests may mention twelve step programs like AA, CMA, SMART Recovery, or other methods, while accepting that no one answer is perfect for everyone.
This podcast will provide valuable insights for any interested in learning more about queer recovery, from those of us with years or even decades of recovery under their belt, to people just beginning their sobriety journey, to even the sober curious or friends and family of alcoholics and addicts.
Each week, host Sober Steve the Podcast Guy tries to answer the following questions in various formats and with different perspectives:
· How do I get and stay sober in the queer community?
· Can you have fun while being sober and gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, or queer?
· What does a sober life as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community look like?
· Where do sober gay and queer people hang out?
· How can I have good sex sober?
· What are tips and tricks for early sobriety?
· How can I get unstuck or out of this rut in my recovery?
· How will my life change if I get sober?
· Can you be queer and sober and happy?
· How can I untangle sex and alcohol and drugs?
gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show
Forgiveness and Feeling At Home ft. Ginelle
In this episode of the Queer Sober Hero Show, host Steve interviews Ginellle Testa from Boston, who has been sober for over ten years. They discuss their sobriety journey, the importance of community, and Ginelle's upcoming recovery addiction memoir, Make a Home Out of You.
00:00 Fitness and Sobriety Journey
02:52 Interview with Ginelle Begins
03:22 Ginelle's Road to Recovery
08:10 Challenges and Growth in Sobriety
14:27 Writing and Forgiveness
19:05 Future Aspirations and Community
21:30 Conclusion and Farewell
**Where to Find Us:**
- Ginelle on Instagram 🟢
- gAy A on IG 🟢
- gAy A everywhere else 🖇️
Hey, there is super sober heroes. It's your host. So receive the podcast guy here with another exciting, awesome episode of Queer sober hero show. I am so excited to share the interview that I did with the other week with Janell. They were awesome to get to know better. I am a 1,144 days sober one day at a time. And I am so grateful for all of you listeners and Watchers and followers for the worm bushes and congrats and kudos and props and message. Like everything that I got surrounding releasing episode two hundred and two oh one was just. Amazing. This is like what feels right for me is being able to celebrate 200 episodes with all of you. And it was a great celebration. And reflecting back in those last two episodes was definitely a way to switch it up. But I am excited to get back into this week's interview style format, because I love asking people questions. Speaking of questions though. There was one that I missed because I had a lot of awesome feedback from different past guests, but Savannah who, you know, for multiple past episodes, I had also asked when I added fitness into my routine in sobriety. What was that? Transformation like, and was it easier being sober? And I definitely. Can see why people, when they are sober and ready, fall in love, deeply with physical fitness and health and wellness and taking care of themselves. We neglected our bodies for so long in our active addiction. So many of us that my first year or two was really just about like taking care of myself emotionally, but in the last. Eight months to 10 months or so I've gotten into the physical aspect of physical fitness, and I couldn't have done it. I love to work out in the morning. I am an early riser with the gym. Who knew? Cause I never was an early riser either before, when I was drinking, but I love waking up in the morning now and the gym as soon as I get going and have my pre-workout and have a great workout and then start my day. I get it out early. So it's been really awesome working out in the morning and I couldn't have done that if I was drinking. Or hung over or any of that. So being able to show up also being able to do day after day after day, like, even if I worked once or twice when I was drinking, there was no way that I could do anything consistently other than get drunk. But now I'm able to show up consistently for not only the people in my life and my clients, but also for myself. And part of that for me, is working at a rate day. Yeah, definitely a gift of sobriety, but also something, that has helped enhance it as well. I was there this morning and it feels like after a couple of days off of doing outdoor workouts and being back in the gym feels like home. So. Just like right here in my recording studio with all of you. So with that, I will head on over to the interview with Janell, enjoy it and make sure you're following us so you can get these new episodes every Thursday. Here's the interview. Hey there, Super Sober Heroes. It's Steve here with Janelle. Welcome to the show, Janelle.
Ginelle:Hey, thanks. Excited to be here.
Steve:Yes, I am so glad that one of your assistants or marketing people connected us together and I got to meet you.
Ginelle:Yeah, super excited. I've been listening to your podcast and I've been really enjoying it.
Steve:I love it. You are going to be episode number 202 at this point with the way podcasting magic works. I'm very excited for when it comes out, but for people who didn't get the pleasure to get the emails telling me all about the amazing sober hero you are, introduce yourself to my listeners?
Ginelle:Sure. So my name is Janelle Testa. I'm from Boston. I've been sober for over 10 years. January 21st, 2014 is my sobriety date. So super excited to be here. I'm queer. I'm a upcoming author of a recovery addiction memoir. Yeah. I
Steve:love that. And I love having diverse queer voices on the show. And speaking of queer, what would you say is your favorite part of being queer today?
Ginelle:Yeah, I think the ability to explore my identity, I feel like identity is such a shifting thing and I have identified as bisexual for a really long time, but more recently I've identified as genderqueer and I'm not quite sure what that means yet. Is it non binary? Is it just not quite a woman? Like, I don't know, but I appreciate the freedom to explore that in the queer community and the ability to be myself and be accepted for whatever that looks like. That's my favorite part.
Steve:Yeah, I definitely love that. And with a decade plus of sobriety, Janelle, what would you say is your favorite part of being sober today?
Ginelle:I think clarity, like the ability to make decisions and not have regrets in the same way that I used to in the past. Like, I feel like I used to have a lot of messy situations where I was like really unhappy with my decisions. And nowadays I feel Even if I do make a mistake, I just feel like I have a better hang on things. Like I'm able to work through it and I feel like I have more self esteem. Like self esteem was a big thing for me that I did not have prior to sobriety. And yeah, it all works in conjunction and gives me more freedom to be myself and be me in the world.
Steve:That's Beautiful. I love that. Why don't you share a little bit about what your story was like that got you here today?
Ginelle:So I first started drinking and using drugs when I was 13 and I was an AA for a long time. I never had a normal drinking path. Like I always was a binge drinker. And that was the case from age 13 to 21 drinking. was my main drug of choice, but I also did like opiates and cocaine and some hallucinogens and those sort of things. And that was really challenging. And that brought me to my knees very quickly within a hallucinogen overdose. And I was like, I am never touching drugs again, but I'm going to keep drinking because it's a separate thing from drugs. Like drugs are bad, but drinking is fine. And then it was, you know, A couple years of drinking before I realized like, oh wow, this is a problem too. And in the early days, my drinking looked like car accidents, like sexual assaults and you know, a lot of really crappy things. But my later drinking looked like more like sad and alone. Like it was more like I was cheating on my partner or I was like lying about my drinking to my therapist it was more, in fact, affecting me internally, like we talked about in AA, the spiritual loss of values, where I just felt like I was really disappointed in the person that I was and that's sort of what got me to being sober. I woke up in, I was the RA at my college, the resident assistant, and I woke up in the community dorm. shower floor naked. And I was like, I had no idea how I got there. And that was like sort of what my drinking had looked like. It was very messy, very like riddled with sex and love addiction is something I struggle with as well. And my drinking was riddled with that. Just messy relationships that got messier when I drank. And I went to my therapist and said, Hey, I did this thing. And like, I cheated on my partner. I drank, what do I do? And she pointed me to AA. So that was really lovely. And AA was my saving grace for a really long time. Like I went for nine years. I did the steps. I was a sponsor. I had a sponsor and had many sponsors over the years and I did this, I did the four step and all the steps, but the four step was really where I found a lot of healing. I. Yeah, I just processed a lot of trauma that I didn't know that I had, you know, the force of like, I'm so grateful that I had a trauma informed sponsor because if I had a sponsor that just told me like, look at your part in things and don't ever don't ever think about anything else. Like I think it would have messed me up. You know, but I was able to, Like both look at my part in things and look at what wasn't mine to carry, you know, that's what I talked about a lot in terms of like the trauma and the force that like some things were done to me that I was just carrying around. Like I'm bad, I'm unlovable, I'm broken. And like my job was to let that go. And my job was to resolve the harms that I had done to my ex partners, to my friends. And mostly that comes in the form of not drinking and living amends. That comes in the form of just Deciding to hopefully never pick up a drink again and reduce the harm that I caused to others. And yeah, I went to AA for a really long time, but last year I just decided that AA and SLA were not my path anymore, which was really hard because I was so embedded in those communities and I love them so much. But I just felt like I needed to spread my wings a little bit and I started to just do other activities, like go to writing groups and go to Cornhole. I joined community Cornhole League and I just started to try other things in my life and kind of spread out a little bit more and I've developed some self trust from there that I didn't have before. I think I depended and maybe this isn't everyone's experience, but I depended really heavily on my sponsors, my fellows, my aim, meetings to tell me what to do. That's been sort of my path in the last year based on my experience based on my knowledge, my thoughts, even still a connection with a higher power, I'd say I still have that and therapists and mentors, what would I do? That's been my path the last year. That's sort of a snippet of my journey.
Steve:Yeah, thank you so much for sharing all of that. I was definitely able to relate to the way that you drank, and how it was all like, fun and parties at first, especially when I was younger, but as I got older, and it was out of my early 20s and into my late 20s and early 30s, it got less and less cute, the older that I got, and I became more isolated and more sad than it was. happy and exciting. But I also, like, I'm still in the program, so I know that there's a lot for me to learn still in a three year sober, but what I have learned and what I love about, your story as well as learning that that's not the only answer, that took me a while, because the first two and a half years to three years almost, I was very much like, that's my safe space, like, that's the only place I sit around other sober people. If you're not sober, you're scary, it was to me. Like, the idea of someone who drinks sometimes, but like, made me not want to, like, it made me fearful of being around them. After I stopped having cravings and living, in fear of drinking alcohol, it's like, what am I afraid of them if it's not picking up or relapsing? And I still don't know what it was other than it was like an excuse, like, not to be out and be social and push myself in uncomfortable social situations. But I've learned that, non separate people can also be awesome too recently. So that's been cool.
Ginelle:Yeah. It's kind of wild. I didn't ever go to bars until this year. I was sort of like, I don't want to be around anyone who drinks ever. It's gross and scary. And I've been like, wait a second. I can be around alcohol and not drink. I can be around alcohol and enjoy the people who are also drinking. And it's been kind of nice. I think I was really scared of it for a while.
Steve:Yeah, and one question I was talking with a newcomer recently was that I've noticed that when I first got sober and I would go out to places where there was alcohol that people would ask me about my drinking or not drinking all the time. But like now when I go out places like it's not even a thing. If someone asks me what to drink, I'll just say, get me a water and they don't even, it's not even a conversation about my sobriety at that point, they just get me my water or my tea or whatever I like ordered. But do you find that? People, did they used to ask you about your drinking and did that stop? Or did that, does that still happen? Tell me about how other people react to you're not drinking when you go out
Ginelle:very, very rarely. Do I get a reaction? I think I have a family member who once in a while will be like, are you still on the wagon? And I think she has a drinking problem. So I will just leave it at that. Like I've only had one bartender who was like, what do you mean you're not drinking alcohol? And I was like, I mean, I'm not drinking. And he was like, I don't understand. And I was like, well, I used to be a rip roaring alcoholic. So here, there you go. They don't care if I'm drinking or not. It doesn't bother them. I find that people usually with their own issues are the ones who are pestering me.
Steve:Yeah, exactly. And I think like when I first got sober, it was people that knew me as the drinker were very, Like, they were wondering why there was no longer the drink in my hand that they were used to seeing me have. But as people know me now as the sober person, like, it's no big deal. So, I always, like, say when people get sober, like, you're more concerned about whether you're drinking or not than the people around you. They're concerned about what they're drinking or not.
Ginelle:That's really true. Yeah. And it's interesting. I got sober so young. Like I got sober when I was 21 and I'm 32 now. So like a lot of the people that I had in my life when I was drinking aren't in my life anymore. Actually that happened pretty immediately. Like I had a big friend turnover when I got sober, just because like a lot of what I had in common with my friends was drinking. And I know that's not everyone's experience, but it was really challenging.
Steve:Yeah. And especially being that you are someone younger when you entered into it. sobriety and you had to deal with that with like friends, but what was your experience being like younger and having a lot of people in a lot of meetings I can imagine being significantly older than you and you know, what was that experience like being a young person in recovery?
Ginelle:At first I was like, I am the youngest alcoholic in New Hampshire. I went to people meetings where the median age was 50 and I was like, what is happening? I actually found a young people's meeting pretty quickly. In my first week of sobriety, my third meeting was a young people's meeting. That was so cool where I was like, wow, there was someone younger than me in the meeting. There's a 19 year olds. And then there was people, in their twenties, thirties, even into their forties, I was like, wow, people are having fun. They're doing the sobriety thing and living their lives.
Steve:Yeah. It's so important to see that. I remember seeing that online a couple of weeks into Slippery I'm like, Oh my God, there are events where people are queer and sober and they have fun and I was just like sold. I was like, Oh, there is life after getting sober because I wasn't sure there would be at first.
Ginelle:Yeah, that was another thing like queer AI meetings were my favorite. I just, I love them. There's this one called queer ideas of fun in Boston that I was my home group for a while and it's just really special to have like those two overlapping communities.
Steve:Yeah, and speaking about living queer and sober today, what would you say is something you wish you knew about living life sober that you didn't know before you entered recovery?
Ginelle:Maybe that it's worth not giving up. Like, I think I, for a long time, was like, I'm gonna stop drinking, I'm gonna stop drinking, I'm gonna stop drinking, and I never thought I would be able to. And just that, like, it's worth keeping on trying. You know, even if you relapse, even if you fail, like, it's okay, just keep trying. I, once I got sober, I was like, I can't believe this is really my life. Like, I just felt really, really proud of the life that, and I still do, I feel proud of the life that I've created. And it's, it's worth just continually trying to do it.
Steve:Excellent. And with this amazing, beautiful life that you've created, what inspired you to write about it?
Ginelle:Yeah, I guess I just felt like I had some stories to tell. There's this, called NaNoWriMo National Novel Writing Month. So I wrote 50, 000 words of my story down and was just like, this is pretty interesting. And the next year I did it again and I did it again the third year. And then I was like, I'm going to make a book out of this. And I had just read a couple addiction recovery memoirs, like Drinking a Love Story by Carolyn Knapp, which is based in Boston and some other stories. Maybe I can put something together like this. Like I'm a writer. I have some ideas. And I did, I put an addiction recovery memoir together and it's coming out in two months from today. So it's really exciting.
Steve:That's excellent. What date is it coming out?
Ginelle:September 3rd.
Steve:So if it's not September 3rd yet, it's coming out soon. If you're listening to it in the backlog, it's already out What would you say is a lesson that you learned about sobriety writing the book or a lesson you learned about yourself?
Ginelle:Definitely the concept of forgiveness. I think I carried a lot of shame with me for things that I had done. And, you know, there were things that I was really not proud of, whether I was actively drinking and doing it or like, doing it in the days of my drinking, you know, there were some things that I thought I would never forgive myself for and through the process of the four step, I definitely started that in the fifth step of reading it to my sponsor, you know, and starting to work through that. But I think I didn't fully begin to forgive myself for the things that I had done until I wrote my memoir because I was able to sit with it. I was able to work through the characters and the people that were involved and just started to really. think that I deserved healing and I deserve forgiveness for all that I had done. So that's my favorite thing that I've learned from writing it. Yeah.
Steve:Yeah. That's huge. I know we all choose to forgive other people so easily at times, even when sometimes they don't need to be forgiven, but I don't need to forgive everyone. But at the same time, it's so hard for us to forgive ourselves. And so the fact that you've learned that is beautiful.
Ginelle:Yeah. It was not an easy fought battle. I feel like it took a long time of discomfort and sitting in these stories and being like, wow, this is really crappy, but eventually I was like, okay I like the idea of like, I'm a sick person getting well, not a bad person getting good. You know, I hear that in the room.
Steve:For sure. And over the past 10 years, like most people with sobriety, life still happens. Since you've gotten sober, what's been the lowest point in your life?
Ginelle:Yeah, that's a great question because I think a lot of people think that you get sober, your life gets better, everything is perfect and like no problems. But for me, I actually got worse for a few years before I got better. Like I had an initial like excited about sobriety, pink cloud, you know, like sobriety is great. But my mental health was like, Wait, what do you mean you don't have a coping mechanism like that anymore? Like that was your tool to deal with your feelings. That was your tool to deal with your emotions. And so like in 2017, I was hospitalized seven times over the course of a year. I got electroconvulsive therapy and it was really, really tough. Like I was highly suicidal. My bipolar was untreated and undiagnosed until midway through that year. I didn't realize I had bipolar because I was drinking so much that like it's kind of hard to tease out what's what. When you're just pouring alcohol on it,
Steve:I mean, I can definitely relate to that. I know that at one point in my early twenties, like when I was drinking a lot, I had a bipolar diagnosis. I also had a ADHD diagnosis multiple times, but again, I was like drinking it through. I never knew what was from my drinking. What was it? What, what was it? You know, and as I got sober, and as my brain sorted out, we were able to like, and I was being honest with my psychiatrists and medical professionals, like, we got things sorted out, and I'm on a good regimen right now, but it was just like, it took a while to get all, even all my diagnosis sorted out, because you can't diagnose someone when they're lying to you about what their symptoms are, or how they're treating themselves in addition to what you're being prescribed with alcohol or drugs.
Ginelle:Exactly. I was lying to myself, lying to my providers. It was really unclear what was going on until I was willing to be honest and take out those drinking drug factors.
Steve:Excellent. And how has having that diagnosis changed your recovery?
Ginelle:Yeah, it's definitely been healing to be on the correct meds. You know, just knowing what was wrong. That was another aspect of like, wow, I wasn't broken. Like, I was just sick and I wasn't getting the medicine that I needed, literal medicine, but also like, medicine in other ways and other coping mechanisms and other treatments. And yeah, it's been amazing to just know what was wrong and to know how to treat it now.
Steve:Excellent. And if you can see yourself in five years, having accomplished your dreams over the next five years, what would your life look like?
Ginelle:Ooh, interesting. I think I would continue to be sober. That's just something that, you know, I will say since I left AA, I stopped drinking when I was 21. Like, could I drink again? Would it be something that I would want to do? And like, the answer is still no. I don't want to drink. I want to stay sober and I want to live a sober life. So I guess I would publish more books, be further along in my career. still live a sober life and yeah, be making connections and growing emotionally. I have a huge commitment to just personal growth and emotional growth. So I would continue to do all of those things.
Steve:That's excellent. And speaking of growing, how has your relationship into the queer community grown or changed since getting sober?
Ginelle:I feel much more a part of there's a chapter in my book about my first girlfriend and I actually broke up with her because I didn't feel queer enough. And it's like really sad looking in hindsight, like I didn't feel like I was enough. For her, for like the queer community and being a part of all these recovery between SLAW and AA all these recovery communities. It just made me feel like I am part of, like I am queer enough regardless of who I'm dating or who I have dated or who I've had sex with or who I'm having sex with. it doesn't matter. I am queer enough.
Steve:Yes, you are queer enough. That is awesome. I love that. What is one practice that you still have in your life right now that you've done since you got sober that helps keep you sober?
Ginelle:Community a hundred percent. Keeping a community. If it's not AA, I keep sober buddies. I think I need people in my life who are sober, who are committed to healing in that way and who understand. The struggles that come with being sober and having a drinking past. So I think community is the biggest gift for me and the biggest like suggestion I'd make for others. If you're getting sober, like get a community. It doesn't matter if it's smart recovery, a, like I did Buddhist recovery for a while, which was really awesome. A heart of recovery at Shambhala. And there's a lot of communities that you can get involved with to just. Know that you're not alone.
Steve:You are not alone. I try and make sure that people know all the time. There's all these different resources out there and you have been another important one for them, Janelle. So thank you so much.
Ginelle:Yeah, absolutely. Thank you for having me.
Steve:Yes. And I will make sure to link over to all the information about your book. But what is one reason why people, if they love this interview, they should also check out your book.
Ginelle:The title is make a home out of you. So it's the idea that I made homes and substances, people and behaviors and not in myself. So the book is about learning to make a home in yourself and learning to feel comfortable in your own skins. I think it applies to queerness and addiction, you know, like just feeling comfortable in your own skin to shed, you know, shame and regret.
Steve:Excellent. Well, if that sounds right up your alley, make sure to check it out. Thank you so much, Janelle. And welcome to the Gay A Podcast family. You'll have to come back again.
Ginelle:Yay. Thank you so much, Steve. It's great to be here.
Steve:Yes. And listeners, make sure you're following us wherever you're listening so you can get these new episodes whenever they come out every Thursday and tell a friend. It'll help keep them sober. And until next time, stay sober.
