Competitions in Sobriety ft. Chad

In this week's episode, host Steve, celebrating 1,202 days of sobriety, welcomes back Chad to continue their conversation on sobriety, fitness, and competition after bonding at OutSport's OutVivor event. Chad shares his experiences in various competitions, from marathons to soccer, and how pushing his limits has been a crucial part of his sober journey. He also provides insights into balancing fitness, fun, and personal growth while staying connected to recovery. The conversation delves into both solo and team competitions, how sobriety has transformed their approach to challenges, and the importance of a balanced social life inside and outside of recovery. Chad also reflects on his journey through sports leagues, OutVivor, and the growth he’s experienced from taking part in these events.

Key Takeaways:

• Chad shares how competing against himself, rather than others, fuels his drive.
• Steve reflects on how pushing his limits in sobriety has transformed his relationship with fitness and competition.
• The importance of balance: staying active in both recovery and personal fitness goals.
• Chad's experiences with group sports, including joining sober leagues, and later expanding his circle in non-sober environments.
• The parallels between training for marathons and staying sober, focusing on taking things one step at a time.
• Advice for anyone interested in trying a new challenge like a marathon, sports league, or competition.

 If you’re curious about pushing your limits in sobriety, join Steve and Chad as they explore how competing can be a powerful tool for personal growth.

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Transcript

Steve: 0:00

Hey, super sober heroes. It's your host Sober Steve, the podcast guy here with 1,202 day sober, and I am so grateful to continue my conversation. We started last week with Chad, so we will jump right into it'cause I have a lot to ask you today and talk about. Welcome back, Chad. Awesome. Great to be here, Steve. Congrats on your day count. Thank you. And you as well. How many days is it today? Do you know?

Chad: 0:26

I don't. I know I hit a big milestone not that long ago. It was like 6, 000 days. I love when

Steve: 0:30

you get like the big round numbers. Those are the ones

Chad: 0:33

I pay attention to.

Steve: 0:33

Exactly. I'm excited to talk to you about competing and competitions today because you do a lot of competing and I'm new to doing things around pushing my limits a little bit. So I thought this would be a fun conversation. What is competing mean to you? It's funny because

Chad: 0:49

even when you brought that up, I am not a competitive person, but I do a lot of competitions and I love competitions. I think for me it's part of it's, I'm an Aries, so I think that's just the competitive side of Aries in general. But I like, it's the challenge to beat myself, right? Like I can do other people or not, but just, it's always me competing against myself, right? Can I do better than I did before? Whether that was drunk Chad versus sober Chad or sober Chad versus sober Chad or whatever, right? It's just a way to, I don't know, to just push myself

Steve: 1:17

and have fun. Yeah, I know that I've always had a slightly competitive nature, although it was generally sticking more towards video games than in real life stuff because I was teased a lot growing up for not being coordinated, but growing up, like you mentioned, you started, training for your marathon pretty early in your recovery. Were you competing in other ways beforehand when you were still drinking or did you start it? putting yourself out there more in your recovery.

Chad: 1:43

I think the way I competed when I was drinking was who could drink the most. I think that was competitive for me. I'm like, Oh, this is how much I drank. But no, there was nothing athletic or competitive prior to getting sober. I did play sports ish when I was younger, but it was also like I did soccer, but I was like the chubby kid. So they made me goalie. And like I hated baseball because I was always worried I was going to get hit with the ball and there was so much pressure. So like I sucked at sports. I'm not, I wasn't coordinated. And the fear and anxiety. You know that I've learned to deal with sober with those tools like I didn't have as a 10 or 12 year old boy that was like clearly gay and not coordinated. So no, I stayed away from sports up until I got sober. Actually.

Steve: 2:26

Yeah, I can definitely relate to that, especially with the baseball getting hit because I'm lefty. When I would go up to bat as a little kid, as a lefty, kids weren't used to pitching to lefties. And so I was regularly pegged and I was, this is not a fun game for me. And then I'd just be in the outfield picking daisies. So they knew I was a little special child and it was very much like they're like one season and you're out. So I was pretty much told within a year and a half of trying every sport that because I wasn't naturally gifted at it, that it wasn't for me. And I believed it for a long time, but you're right, like in sobriety, I'm trying to push myself more. With competitions and things like that. What did you do to prepare for that first marathon and how did you balance life with preparing for that and working your program?

Chad: 3:08

Yeah, so the marathon came about for, first off, I love a challenge in general, right? And I'm always the let's just do something to the extreme, right? Like I want a five K, like I can't even run a mile right now, but I'm going to run 26. So of course I have to pick something that's stupid, extreme. Also to be completely honest and fair, the person I was doing it with, I thought was hot. So there was that. So I'm trying to impress. But the training was tough. It was a legit, like now I understood when people talk about, it's a marathon, not a sprint. And what that analogy meant in the training I'd be running five or six days a week easily. I'd only have one rest day and my training went for eight or nine months because you can go online and find, zero to 5k and all this stuff. And so it was like I had to get to a certain point with one training plan to start the marathon training plan. So altogether it was like eight months, nine months. And but that whole, like One day at a time, it was like, this is what I have to run today and learning how to even break it down while I was running and I'm exhausted. I've got to do three miles today and at one mile being exhausted and be like, okay can I go another half mile? Can I go another half mile? And then can I do that? And learning just to slowly look at the next little increment and do that. And it was similar with like sobriety, right? It's like I'm having a rough day today, right? All right. Hang in there for another hour. Like work is stressful. I'm anxious. Can I do this? And it was like, almost like learning the same skills and being able to apply it in multiple different ways with the running. So it was super cool. The other thing you said there, which I hadn't thought about in a while, actually, is I don't know what it was like for early sobriety for you, but like everybody where I was with a younger group. Group a YP recovery group. And people get sober and they live at the gym and that's it. But I would see guys and they're spending more time at the gym than they are in recovery. And they kept relapsing and I noticed that and I made a deal with my sponsor and early recovery. And it was like, I can't go to the gym or work out more days than I'm going to meetings. And I didn't keep that up now. Don't get me wrong. I go to the gym way more than I go to meetings, unfortunately at 17 years, but for the first several years, if I could not go to the gym more than I went to the meetings it kept me going to meetings almost daily to stay plugged in because I just kept seeing all these people who were Not focused on that they're like, Oh, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling healthy. And then they go back out, and then a few months later, and they're just repeat the process over and over again. And I'm like, yeah, I don't want that. I want to be healthy and go to the gym, but I got to stay sober or this is all worthless. If I start drinking again, I'm going to go back to smoking and sitting on the couch and eating pizza and not being healthy at all. So I knew enough that I needed to put that part of my recovery above the gym and above sports and everything else.

Steve: 5:31

Yeah, I love that. And it's admirable because I got sober during the pandemic. So people were more than happy with me saying I'm just going to sit on my couch and eat my ice cream instead of drink my liquor. And so as I began gaining more weight and becoming more sedentary, everyone's you're beautiful because you're sober. And after a year and a half, two years of that, I looked in the mirror one day and I was like, I don't feel beautiful anymore. And so I was able to just throw myself into meetings. So it was no issue because I wasn't going to the gym or doing any sort of physical activity. It was my eight hour job. And then I had been spending the rest of that plus most of those eight hours drinking. So like I had all this time now that like I filled with other things rather than fitness, but like doing both and balancing both at the same time, I can see being like really important because now I'm at the point where I can do my four meetings a week and like seven. Days at the gym or six days at the gym with the rest day that I generally run on. But I couldn't imagine like doing that while doing the seven meetings, one, like seven days a week and doing everything else while also working. So it's awesome that you were able to balance all of that.

Chad: 6:33

It was, and it also helped that I didn't have a legit career and I was young. So when you're waiting tables and bartending, it's a lot easier to find time to do both.

Steve: 6:42

Yeah. Excellent. And you mentioned how oftentimes it is about you competing against yourself and proving what you can do. But when we're talking about, the goals that you're getting into, how do you balance that versus like your goal to just have fun and finish or wanting to beat other people's times or beat other people? If it's a winner, if it's, there's a winner with loser situation, like how do you balance that?

Chad: 7:08

That's a good question. I think it's, I don't have a choice but to balance it, because some of the things that I do I just suck, right? I'm not gonna win. I started playing soccer a year ago, four full seasons now I've played, and I love it. It's a lot of fun. I'm horrible. I feel like I bring the team down so there's no I'm going to show up and just kill it today and crush these people I have no choice but to go and just have fun and do the best I can because I suck at it. But then there are other things where it's okay, I'm pretty solid at this and I could win. So it's like, how do I still have fun? And gracefully orange theory, I don't know how familiar with him, but I do a lot of workouts and I've done a while. They always have milestone competence that go on. They're like, Oh, it's a 2000 meter benchmark row today. So there's always that I'm competing against myself because I have my previous benchmarks, but I'm also competing against other people. I still try to keep that. If somebody beats me, that's awesome. Odds are I'm in pretty good shape. 95 percent of the class I'm going to beat. But there might be a couple of guys there and I enjoy the healthy competition of cheering them to do their best. Cause like odds are like, they're also staying with me. They're probably getting a PR as well. And it's just that whole competitive pushing each other, but still like fun. I enjoy that.

Steve: 8:20

Yeah, I love that. And I definitely can see how that helps like in those type of environments. And you mentioned soccer. When did you go from doing marathons and things where you're solo or competing against other people individually to doing team sports?

Chad: 8:32

So early recovery when I was here in Orlando, there was A group of sober guys on a softball team. And that was the first time I played softball in a while. And then life got away from me. I only played for a couple of seasons, but then when I was in Denver similar situation, there was a bunch of sober guys and they're like, Hey, we're going to join the gay kickball league and I'm like, cool, let's do that. And it was like, hadn't done obviously kickball since elementary school. And it was just really fun experience, right? I'm like, Oh, this is great. A lot of fun, good way to get out and be social. But then I moved away from Denver and everything else. And so then when I moved back here to Orlando as my marriage was ending, I was just in a weird spot because I'd I got sober here in Orlando and had spent like 10 years here, but then moved away for six. So everybody went on with their life, right? All my married friends are still married and now I'm the single guy. They've all had different friends. So I needed something to do. And one of my friends was like, Hey, they have a really great sports league here now that they didn't have back then. And so I was just like, let's just do it. And so I just did it out of necessity because I needed friends. And I don't like as bad as hopefully this doesn't sound bad, but I try not to only have sober friends, right? Early sobriety was important for me because I needed the safety net and security of that. But I think there's even in recovery literature, it talks about, it's we can't hide in the rooms. This isn't supposed to be what we do. Like we have to go and join life. And so for me, it's important to have a really strong balance that was the best way for me to do it is the group sports, right? I get a more balanced group of friends than just

Steve: 9:55

recovery AA all the time. Yeah, I can definitely relate because I had that experience in the spring when I joined my kickball league it was right around the time where I was after two years of only being around sober people and hiding in the middle of the pack because I was, afraid I would fall out of the pack. I was like, okay, everyone around the pack is driving me insane. Is there any other animals that I can play with for a little bit and go back to my pack? And so learning in kickball, like that, the fact that they do jello shots, I'm not at the point in my sobriety where I feel triggered if I see it or if I smell it, or if someone offers I'm able to say no, thank you. And everyone has always been perfectly respectful. when you're very clear and firm on your boundaries, in my experience. So it's been very. rewarding being able to connect with these people and grow my social circle. And from there, it was just an explosion of new opportunities. So how has it affected your sobriety being part of these groups?

Chad: 10:50

I think it makes me grateful for my sobriety most of the time. Cause as you said, a lot of these groups are still drinking. I think there's great 12 step work to be do there just by showing up. Most of the people know sober and they don't all know that I'm in recovery, but a lot of them do through the grapevine. Watching people hungover trying to play sports certainly makes me grateful that I'm not the hungover person. And I think it just shows me how to live in the real world, right? Be competitive, be sociable. They don't all necessarily have spiritual principles that they're trying to live by while they're playing the games. It's fun, right? I love it. It's just a neat way to make friends and remind me that cause I was, again, we talked about being nerdy. Like I'm super awkward guy for a long time. Like I'm way better now than I used to be, but like talking to new people and like when I had that recovery thing, it's okay, they have to talk to me cause we're in recovery. And so there's makes it a little easier, but now it's they don't have to talk to me. So learning how to just be social or listen to people and participate as a human was skills I needed. And it was a great way to do that.

Steve: 11:45

Yeah, that's awesome. And you mentioned, we brought back to the nerdiness. So we've been talking about real life, but when we take a moment and we're playing a game, whether it be a board game, card game, video game, how competitive do you get in those multiplayer situations?

Chad: 12:01

I would say it's about the same, right? I love you can't see it here, but in my room I have a shit ton of board games. I have a lot. I won't even tell you how much money, but I love playing games and some of them are competitive and some of them are cooperative. And I'm good with both. I love cooperative because you are working together, which has its own unique challenges. But same if the game was fun I don't mind losing. I think what drives me crazy is the only time I get frustrated in games is like, if there's a strategy and what the person's doing doesn't make sense, or they're not playing with a strategy, I'm like, or they're just like, they don't even care about winning. That's more frustrating than losing is like somebody just going off the wall, like with no strategy.

Steve: 12:38

Yeah, I definitely can get competitive in some games. I learned that when I do the online kind of the melee where it's five people versus five people alive and it's just madness. I'm like, I don't like those because when you lose half the time, I want a game where I can win, you 75 to 90 percent of the time, like the, when I was batting less than a 50%, like winning the games, I was like, I'm not playing Fortnite. This is for kids.

Chad: 13:02

Same. I suck at those. So it's also one of those I don't even care. Like it's I'm a target. My dad loves those. I watched my dad play those, but yeah.

Steve: 13:11

And speaking about targets, you've played at OutVivor twice now and went into the game the second time as the biggest target saying you were confident you would win. What inspired you to give Outvivor a try last year and come back again?

Chad: 13:26

So yeah, last year was very similar. So I had actually, when I saw my just needing to make friends, I had played my first season of soccer and hadn't started any of the other sports yet. And I heard about. And I'm like, Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun. I love, again, it's games or strategy. There's like multi things. I'm like, this could be really cool. And I went not knowing anybody at all. There was one other guy in the soccer league that didn't go there with him, but I at least recognized him there, but otherwise the entire group, I didn't know who any of them were. And it was super awkward and uncomfortable at first again, but I had the most amazing weekend of my life, right? Just competing and making friends and just the challenges and the strategy the lying and the backstabbing and all of the stuff that goes along with that. And so it was honestly like all year long. All I talked about was how amazing of an experience it so there was no way I was not going again, even though I was a big target, as you said, because of myself.

Steve: 14:16

We got hexed by witches. So thanks for that. But yeah, going into it, how would you say that your outvivor experience or when you do group experiences like that might be different being sober and recovery versus someone who's going through the weekend with the hard seltzers in their hands?

Chad: 14:33

Yeah, at least I know what I'm doing at all times. And there's at least intention and strategy behind it as opposed to people just getting drunk and probably sharing more information than they intended. It helps me be a little bit more coordinated with the events. But also I think just like learning some of the spiritual principles That comes with the program and the emotional sobriety. Like I learned to not take things personally, right? Like at the end of the day, it's a game, right? And you saw it and I saw it. And a lot of people saw it. Some people took things way too seriously, way too personally. There's hurt feelings involved. And at the end of the day, it's a game. Let's just have fun and appreciate it. And I can do that very well now I feel, because again, I've put a lot of work into my emotional growth and spiritual growth. But some of those people cannot, right? And they've probably never had to do that in their life. And it's very clear the way they show up. So yeah, I think it was helpful.

Steve: 15:20

What about you? I definitely am glad that I tried it and I went, originally the plan was to have my husband and my friend come, and my husband couldn't at the last minute, but I came out with one friend, and then I had known you from meeting you at sober roundups and things like that, but again not really being the out of towners, not really knowing any people. I was very nervous, especially since we're also playing a game Louis, my best friend and I It's pretty much split up when we were around other people because we didn't want to be tied together just in case. And so I remember especially Friday night as we're getting there and we're having to like talk to people to sign shirts or figure where to sit. It was like I was back in grade school with my little lunch tray being like, where am I going to sit? What's the right table to sit at? And so as I got more comfortable and pushing myself out there and talking to people, I was like, okay, this is a safe space. It was interesting though playing the game because I went into it with low expectations of how well I would do. And so I was like, Oh, I'll be like voted off, killed off, whatever, before like the end of the first night. And so it was funny, like the entire time playing, because I was just having fun. But it was when I made it to the merge the next morning, I was like, Oh, now I want to and I started taking it seriously then I was like, Oh my God, how do people do the lying and the backstabbing and all of that sober and not feel gross. There were certain times where I had troubles separating the game from reality or feeling comfortable lying because having to trust at that time, having never played it, that they also understand that it's a game and that this person I'm getting close with isn't going to be, mad at me forever after the game. And so it was cool afterwards seeing That it was all cool with everyone, but not knowing how it ended in the middle to get it hard at times. Did you have anything like that the first time where you were like, what am I doing or what's real or how am I doing this with your recovery?

Chad: 16:59

So playing a lot of games. I don't know if you've ever played werewolf. Before. Okay. Do you know mafia? I feel like every recovery person, you got sober during the pandemic. So probably not as much, but it was definitely like one of those games at conferences that people late at night are doing with like a hundred people sitting around. It's similar in that it's like a game where you have to lie to people possibly, like there are people who are werewolves in the game and people who are not, and you're trying to figure out who the werewolves are and the werewolves are clearly not saying, I'm the werewolf, right? So I look at it like, granted it's lying, but there are rules and parameters for that game. That's what it is and survivors the same thing, right? If you think people are going to be honest with you the entire time that you've don't know the rules of the game Now if I was cheating in the game, I would say that would violate my principles, for spiritual principles because cheating is going against the rules of the game But lying is clearly permitted because you're not going to succeed So I've had enough practice at least playing werewolf over the years that i'm like, okay i'm comfortable I try not to completely bold face lie wherever possible in the game, just cause it does still feel a little like, and so if I was at least just like you specifically, right? Like I think I remember Early on in one of the first days when I approached you, because I'm like, I saw you had a paper in your hand and I'm like, okay, he found something. How honest are we going to be with each other, especially because we're both in recovery. And so I laid some truths out, but not the full truth to feel that out and it's I don't want to bold face lie, but it's that whole balance, but at the end of the day, knowing that it's this game and that it's within the parameters of the game and nobody's expecting 100 percent honesty.

Steve: 18:32

That was you telling me not to trust anyone. So I was like, all right, not to trust Chad noted.

Chad: 18:38

And you shouldn't have at the end of the day, there was only going to be one winner. Yeah. Even though you did amazing.

Steve: 18:43

It was fun. And that it was a perfect experience and I will definitely be back next year for sure. Now, how would you say your experience was like through competitions and after parties with alcohol or drugs possibly

Chad: 18:57

every now and then I'm grateful clearly to be sober, but because there is still this heavy party component, especially in the sports leagues they go out after every game, in third, whether it's Wednesday night game, Thursday night game Friday, and I'm like, Hey, I don't care. To go out that often. I have to work and I'm usually in bed early, it's just trying to find that balance of going out enough that I still feel a part of the group because when everybody on the team's going out, but you, and they're bonding and having that experience. Makes you feel like you're not a part of the team. Also they just hang out and make plans and don't even think about you because you're just not there. Sometimes I wish I was more involved in. So I could be there more, but it's also, I don't want to be in the bars every night. It's boring to stand around and watch you guys get wasted and bump into each other. It's just finding a balance that keeps me a part of every now and then I'll go out still to the bars afterwards and hang out with them. They do bigger parties like the, Christmas party and stuff like that. And I'll go. And sometimes the first couple, when I didn't know anybody could get with, get triggering, right? Cause I just get awkward and uncomfortable and I'm just standing there, not talking to anybody. But usually once A couple of people I know are there. If I have somebody to latch onto and talk to at least I'm not uncomfortable. And for me, that's always been when I'm the most triggered, when I'm just like, I don't know anybody and I feel awkward and uncomfortable and drinking always makes that go away. I have lots of experience. Being used to being uncomfortable and feeling awkward, but it doesn't feel better. I just know that I don't have to drink, but I still have to feel it.

Steve: 20:18

Yeah, no I can definitely relate. I've my first roundup, I found someone right away that we were friends and clicked. So I felt comfortable being friendly with everyone else and being the social butterfly. Cause I knew I had the one safe person to go back to, but the second experience I went to I didn't have that person right away. And I was like lost for a little bit until I found. A couple people to be like, okay, I have a safe space and then it's more comfortable. So it was like nice having you and Lewis and everyone else and next year I'll bring more secret undercover resources too.

Chad: 20:47

Yes. Yeah. And actually that's a great point. I felt that same way, even in recovery. Sometimes, when I go to a new conference in there and I haven't been, and I don't know anybody it doesn't matter if I'm with all sober people, like I still feel super awkward and uncomfortable. And having that, a person there as an anchor is always helpful.

Steve: 21:02

Yeah. And if someone has been sitting at home and wants to do a marathon, join a sports league, try something like out Viber, but they're afraid of what that feeling might be like, what advice would you give to them?

Chad: 21:15

I think ages just do it, it's going to be scary and it's gonna be something new, but I think also It's a great time to grab a friend and do it then, right? If you need a comfort blanket, like they might want to do something. And at least you have somebody odds are, you're going to have one friend who's looking for something to do, and then you guys go do it together. But it's been life changing and I've made some amazing friends and learned a lot about myself. Just from doing it.

Steve: 21:35

Excellent. That's all the questions that I have for you. Do you have anything to add or any questions?

Chad: 21:41

From a little bit, I've known her like you've had quite a journey yourself with fitness and everything else What do you, how are you enjoying this new journey and the new sober Steve? What are you seeing from that?

Steve: 21:50

I've had to be careful again, moderating the amount of time that I'm spending on my fitness because. exercising leads to endorphins. Endorphins make you happy and happy people don't kill people legally blonde. With that type of thing, I feel so good when I work out that if I could, especially now that I signed up again, my first marathon and go big or go home is going to be a 10 case Spartan with you. I've never done any sort of running before. So now it's like working on the morning running at night and how can I do that and still do my job and still do my program and still do everything else that I'm trying to like build for my life. So finding that mix has been difficult at times, but at the end of the day, like I've loved the journey and where it's led me. I feel like my life has exploded in terms of like me being happy with myself and my life in the past few years in the past year, since starting this and I'm excited to see where it goes from here. Awesome.

Chad: 22:39

I cannot wait for the Spartan updates. But yeah, that's going to be great for all of us.

Steve: 22:44

Yeah. Excellent. And if people wanted to connect with you, Chad, how would they find you?

Chad: 22:50

Yeah. Easiest way Instagram is probably on there the most. So Chad Riverway, all one word

Steve: 22:56

easiest way to reach me. Excellent. I included in the show notes last episode, I'll include it again here. So listeners, this is your chance. If you want to follow Chad, give him a follow on Instagram and make sure you're following GAY A podcast while you're at it. Thanks Chad I'm sure I'll have you back on real soon. Welcome to the GAY A family. Awesome. Thanks, Steve. Great to chat. All right. And see you next Thursday, listeners.