Surviving Socializing Sober ft. Savanna

In this week’s episode of gAy A, Sober Steve the Podcast Guy sits down with his long-time sober sibling, Savannah. With 1,215 days sober for Steve and 1,365 days for Savannah, they share an honest conversation about surviving the challenges of sobriety—especially in a world where alcohol seems to be everywhere. From navigating social events and mocktails to processing personal triggers and using sobriety tools, this episode is packed with wisdom for anyone looking to go from simply surviving to truly thriving in sobriety.

Key Takeaways:

• Surviving a World Full of Alcohol: Savannah and Steve discuss how they handle being surrounded by alcohol in everyday spaces—from grocery stores to Pride events—and how to stay grounded in sobriety.
• Tools for Thriving: Savannah shares how she stays strong in her recovery through the use of meetings, staying connected with her sober network, and never being afraid to ask for help.
• Triggers and Emotions: From dealing with life stressors like school and mental health to handling unexpected emotions, Savannah opens up about how she copes without turning to alcohol.
• Mocktails and Boundaries: Savannah shares a personal story about a mocktail mishap and gives advice on how to navigate the world of non-alcoholic drinks safely and confidently.
• Going From Surviving to Thriving: Tips for transitioning from just getting by in sobriety to embracing life fully—staying focused, working the program, and sharing openly in meetings.

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Transcript

Steve: 0:00

Hey there, Super Sober Heroes. It's your host, Sober Steve the Podcast Guy, here with Savannah. Welcome back to the show, Savannah.

Savanna: 0:07

Hello, how are you?

Steve: 0:09

Good, and I am here today with 1, 215 Days of Sobriety. How about you, Savannah?

Savanna: 0:16

I have 1, 365 days.

Steve: 0:20

Yay. And long time listeners will recognize you as someone who has been on the podcast multiple times. Cause you are one of my sober siblings. We got sober together, but For newer listeners, why don't you introduce yourself?

Savanna: 0:37

Hi, my name is Savannah. I've been sober for almost four years now. I am a nursing student, so my life has been like super crazy as of lately with school and clinicals and whatnot. I have this semester and then next semester is my final semester. I graduate May night and I still have absolutely no idea Where I want to go with it, but I have a lot of options. So yeah, that's where I'm at.

Steve: 1:03

Yeah, you certainly do. And I love to see the growth that you've had with your school and your education and work and everything during your sobriety, you've been a inspiration. But when we talked about what topic to talk about, you chose surviving sobriety or surviving the summer, getting ready to survive. What's to come surviving being social, basically. Why would you say you're in survival mode right now?

Savanna: 1:30

Only because I feel like alcohol is everywhere now. At the grocery store by my house, you can enjoy a glass of wine while you're shopping. You can drink at the movie theaters now. You can bring up the zoo, like all these places that I used to sneak alcohol into, during my drinking time, like all these places serve alcohol now. And it's I just feel like it's everywhere. I feel and I know that they say that we're supposed to change people, places and things. But what happens when those places that you frequent are now places. that have alcohol now. I'm thankful that I'm lucky. I'm lucky that I'm far enough in my sobriety to where It doesn't really bother me per se, but it's just annoying more than anything. But I'm very grateful though, because I feel like if I was still drinking and all these places were serving alcohol and I was drinking all these places that I probably would. I've gotten into a lot of trouble or I'd be in trouble or something like that because I would have drank before I got there and then I would have drank while I was there. And then my wife and I would have got into it because I'd like why do we have to leave already? Cause you're drunk and Oh it's a good thing. It's definitely a good thing. But I do a lot of different volunteer work and stuff during the summer. So I DJ. And I'm a part of a quality Toledo, which is an organization here in our area. And we have an event called love fest every year. And so there's people drinking backstage but I will say this year. We did Uber, some Starbucks, so that was pretty exciting. And then Toledo Pride, and those of you that go to Pride know how crazy Pride can be. And you actually go to a sober event and stuff during Pride. There's like a whole sober community that you hang out with during Pride, correct?

Steve: 3:34

I've found different sober groups and subsections in different parts of town. I love that Orlando Pride has a specific sober space at their Pride event in October that I'm going to try and make it out for. But even in Sarasota here we have our sober socials that happen every couple months. We have things that are sober related, but outside of that, I also feel like our experiences may be different because you would go out and you would drink out in public. I was very much an isolated drinker because even when I could go out to places where you could drink, I was never able to drink like a normal person or get through a night without blowing up every relationship around me that I was like in, friendship, relationship, whatever. So I learned quickly like to be an isolated drinker like going out I'd have my one or two for maintenance But like I'd have my secret stash somewhere like before after or during that would get me going because I knew I couldn't keep up like publicly so I Knew it was like triggering and difficult at first oftentimes to be around alcohol when I was first adjusting to it But now I see it everywhere and I almost roll my eyes or like I don't even realize sometimes where it is places Is because it's not something that's on my mind or that I'm thinking about. Like, how would you say it's gone from something that you would see in like a positive way to seeing like something like negative now? Have you always been aware of alcohol constantly being everywhere in your sobriety or have there been times where it feels like you're see it more? It's around more than others.

Savanna: 5:07

I feel like. I've always seen it, like I got sober during COVID, so I wasn't really going anywhere, there were a couple of times that we were supposed to go to a close friends party or something like that when things began to open up a little bit, but I just didn't I would get dressed, but if I felt like I couldn't go, I couldn't go, and I could go to the bar. I could go out, I can be in these places and be around the alcohol. But when I'm at the grocery store, and People are walking around holding glasses of wine. It's not that I'm, I don't know. I can't even explain it to you. Like I'm not triggered. I'm happy for them that they can walk around the grocery store and have their wine and whatnot. I don't want to say that I'm jealous because I understand. I don't want to drink. Let's just put that out there. Okay. I like the way that I feel. I'm absolutely terrified. Being in this program for these last 1, 365 days, I've been in the rooms, I've seen the relapses, I've seen people come back, I've seen people not come back. And it scares me because I feel like I'm one of those people that have just put so much stock into my sobriety that if something were to happen and I were to slip up, I feel like I would be so hurt. Like I'm talking about it right now and it gets me upset. You know how, when you talk about something and you get that pain in your stomach and in your chest, because you just, that's how I feel about it. So I don't want to drink, there's just this thing, like I wish I could drink like a normal person, I don't feel like I'm missing out because I drank enough for two lifetimes. I feel like it's just annoying.

Steve: 6:58

So we talked a little bit about the whole idea of it being triggering to see it and being around it. And I know like for me, oftentimes we learn in the rooms that oftentimes we use alcohol more to treat like the symptoms or feelings of not wanting to be present, not wanting to be aware. So while you might know in your mind and in your head and your heart that you don't want to drink right now. Would you say that recently while it feels like alcohol is everywhere that you've also been having moments where you might want to check out or turn off or not feel as much recently?

Savanna: 7:31

Absolutely. Just with the semester starting back up and school just being intense and knowing that I'm getting, towards the end and stuff. So this first part of the semester we were doing mental health. And it was very, that was triggering because we were talking about, can I talk about the things? Yeah. Okay. We were talking about eating disorders. We were talking about childhood trauma, stuff like that. And it was like everything that Was spoken about was something that I dealt with in my life as well. And so as we're talking about all these things in class, and we talked about alcoholism too, and that was like the least of anything that, you know, that I had, that I felt about in class, but it brought up so many memories of things that I had tried to forget, things that I tried to block out and. I feel like I was really lost. And plus I wasn't going to any meetings. So like my meeting schedule was off and it was just a combination of a lot of things that came to head at one time. And so what I did was I decided to do a 90 and a 90, which is what I've been doing lately. And just reaching out to my fellows and, doing all those things to keep myself like. grounded in the program. And that seems to have helped out a lot too. And plus I just, I'm not afraid to talk about how I'm feeling now, I don't want to mask it. I had to get up and walk out of class a couple of times, because I just, I couldn't deal with it. I needed to give myself like that little bit of a mental break. So that's what I did. Yeah.

Steve: 9:17

And you mentioned how you like me you recover out loud. I'll see you post about something funny sober related on Facebook. We have our program that is anonymous, but then we have our lives as sober people that we'll talk about and joke about and post about with that and that you recover outline so many people know in your life that you're sober, do you ever experience any sort of social pressure from other people for you to drink when you're out in those situations?

Savanna: 9:43

Never. Like I said, I got sober on zoom. So when I finally announced that I was getting sober, like I put it out there, like everybody knew, it took me, I was well into like my first, maybe 30, 60 days or whatever before, because I wasn't sure what was going on. I didn't know if I was going to stick to it. I liked the way I was feeling, but I just kept coming back, that's all I knew it was. I was going to keep coming back. I wasn't expecting anything. I'm just going to keep doing this and it just kept working and working. So then when I finally started posting about it and talking about it I got a lot of support from, my friends, my family, people in the community. And let me see, this was in, I got sober in December. I don't think I told anybody until the end of January, early February. So by the time summer hit. And it was time for me to DJ Pride again, which is in August here where I live at. I had this t shirt made. It just said, Sober, so don't ask. So even if anybody didn't know. They knew, cause I just wanted to come out here and just put it all out there and that's it. And even now, if I post something about, I don't just post things when I talk about my sobriety, about my day count or oh yeah, I just did this and it's done, this is going great, sometimes I got to post like today I'm really struggling, and no time has anybody ever been like. Oh do you want to meet up and have a drink or that? Sometimes I won't even say that I want to do stuff with certain people because I think maybe they don't want to hang out with me because I don't drink. But then they'll be like, oh, do you want to meet up for coffee or something like that? And it's yeah. Or sometimes my friends will have a get together and nobody will drink. I don't ask anybody to do that for me. But if they're going to, I'm not going to say that I don't appreciate it or anything like that because I absolutely do. And having that support is a huge deal. I know we're not supposed to compare what we hear out in the world being sober, but I couldn't imagine trying to go through this alone, not just with You know the people in my program, but like the people in my life because I'm a very social person and Like you said you like you were isolating there towards the end I was still hiding alcohol you know because I had to pregame before we went out and then I had to drink when we got there or if I wasn't supposed to be drinking You know that much or if I was like trying to count my drink. The things that we do as soon as I got home, boom, I would just drink whatever or I would, if I was here by myself and I knew we weren't going anywhere, I would be sneaking shots, the insanity of it all.

Steve: 12:41

Oh,

Savanna: 12:41

yeah. The insanity of it all.

Steve: 12:42

Literally, any night, in or out, was always the insanity of it all. Things I did physically, to try and counteract the effects of alcohol. Even now, recently, someone was sick, and I was like, oh, charcoal pills you take them, and it'll soak up all the liquor, so you can just, and they're like, how do you know this? I was like, I went pro, and I retired early, but I know way too much about ways to bounce back quickly, but not great for your body long term. Yeah. With things like that we get sober, we continue on with life, and we're always gonna be around. people with alcohol if we're living life out in the world enough. So there are going to be times where it feels like it's everywhere and there's many times where we don't even see it at all. So what do you think plays roles in different environments that provide different reactions for you personally? Do you find that there's certain places that you find more difficult to be in or more social situations or environments? What makes you struggle? Is it normally the environment or is it the stage in your life that you're in?

Savanna: 13:44

I would like to say it, I think at the stage of life that I'm in, in my recovery it doesn't have, it's not more or less where I'm at, but how I'm feeling at the time, I can be someplace and there's alcohol and I can have a Red Bull or have whatever I'm drinking and still have a good time. I'm at that point, but If I'm feeling a certain way, if I'm, like you said, maybe feeling like I want to escape or just sometimes I find myself getting caught up in a moment and I can't even explain it. It's like you look at it, you think about it, something comes in your mind about it. And then all of a sudden then something dumb that I did comes in my mind about it. I think the only time that I've made a bad decision when it came to alcohol and I put myself in danger. I was at my dad's house and I needed to check on, I don't know why I was there. Maybe it was letting his dog out or something, but I was at my dad's house. And I want to say this was like maybe in my. Second year sobriety and he keeps like little bottles of liquor and stuff. So I'm there and I'm just looking at it and I picked up the bottle, I took the cap off and I smelled it and I put it down and I, Automatically felt guilty, right after I did that, I got on the phone and I'm like, you won't believe what I just did. I don't know why I did it. And my sponsor was like did you drink it? I was like no, I didn't drink it. But still, you know that, and I just felt really bad about that. Like, why would I do that to myself? There was like no reason for that, and I don't blame my dad or anything like that, and I've been at his house since then and not picked up any, liquor bottles to sniff or anything like that. But I don't know if I thought that I was trying to challenge myself or what I honestly have no idea. I can't tell you what silver Savannah. And second, you're

Steve: 15:44

there's still a minds that just are sober in the moment. No, I definitely, I get that. I've been there. I talked about, I was like, 3 or 4 months sober and there was like champagne and that spilled onto the counter. I was like, does it count if I lick it? And I was like, yes, of course it does. But I'm an intelligent guy who knows that, but also I have the alcoholic mind that will try and bend rules and laws and the world to my will. Rather than my higher powers and I learn better now. But speaking of learning better, one of the things that I've loved is because between sobriety and then my coaching is learning how to identify my thoughts and feelings and separating thoughts and feelings and facts and all of that. But at the end of the day, I found that like the sobriety acronym of HALT helps. Like it all boils down to I can battle through life better if I'm not feeling hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. So of the four, like which of those gets you still the most today or what combination really That's Savannah in danger mode.

Savanna: 16:43

All of them, because depending on the day between my work schedule, I'm on one of those planes. So since all of those, I would say I go to my pause, pray and proceed, which is, one of the ones that I really like. but yeah, it's all over the place. I will say I've never done mocktails or anything like that because I'm just like not even trying to drink or anything like pretend that I'm drinking. I'm like, I don't do the old duels or any of that. And we, my wife and I, last year we were at a celebratory dinner after I finished school and stuff. And so we, there were these igloo things and you had to like, spend so much money in order to like, Rent them and stuff. And so we were struggling to meet this threshold because, the food really wasn't that expensive. And I wasn't drinking, before, I would have no problem. The lady was like, oh, you should try one of our mocktails. It's not alcoholic. there's no alcohol, nothing like that. And I was like, okay that's fine. I'll try it. This is like juice on the thing and stuff. And anytime before I drink. Any drinks I always had any if like my drink is in with a round of drinks, you know I always have somebody else taste it for me. I always do I never I don't take any chances I just always have somebody like i'll smell it And if I can't smell that because everybody else has got their stuff, you know I'll be like I need somebody to taste this for me So I smelled it smelled on the up and up, but of course like I always do, you know I have my wife taste it for me. And so she's no, it's fine. No alcohol You So i'm drinking it and we're having a good time and all of a sudden i'm doing this, You know, how would you start to feeling it? You're like talking with your hands and you're like doing the whole thing And I was like, is there are you sure there's no alcohol in this and she was like, yeah So the waitress comes over and I was like, are you sure they didn't put any alcohol in this and she was like, yeah I was like what's in it? And so she's going down the ingredients and they have this. This herbal juice thing or whatever that gives you like the wavy gravy of drinking, but not alcohol. And I don't, I, I was panicked, you know what I'm saying? So and I was so angry. I was so angry because Once I knew what it was, I was like, Oh my God, I can't believe this has happened. Of course I went into panic mode. I'm crying. I'm calling my sponsor and she's girl, you're fine. Like you didn't do anything wrong. Your day count is still good. It wasn't a, not, I was like, okay. So then I did all my research on it, and a friend of mine is opening up a restaurant and stuff. And when I was Telling him about what happened because he wants to put together a non alcoholic menu as well. He was like we definitely will not use, that particular herbal thing or whatever. That was scary. That was really scary. And that right there was like a whoa moment for me because I didn't like the way that I felt, I felt like I felt out of control. And stuff like that. So I was just that can't happen again.

Steve: 20:03

Yeah. But what I love about you sharing what you went through with that experience is that you also shared what you went through to get through that experience. And you talked about again, like the power of connection, calling your sponsor, calling people right away, having that kind of game plan of. in advance that normally works of having you smell something and if you're not sure having someone else taste it for you, you did all these things and you set these boundaries. So going forward what would you say is advice to someone who is interested in trying a mocktail, but it has those same concerns and fears as you do?

Savanna: 20:37

Do your research. Because. Being non alcoholic and mocktails, it's like a big thing now. A lot of people aren't drinking, but like the people that aren't drinking because they're alcoholics. They're not drinking because they are choosing not to drink and want other options, not like somebody that's an alcoholic that's not drinking because they have a disease, there is a difference. And so knowing that difference and learning what's out there and knowing the difference between a mocktail and something that's non alcoholic or something that's supposed to be a mocktail but still has that additive, even though it's not alcoholic. That could really trigger somebody, because all it would take is something like that. And then somebody would be like, Oh can I get another one of those? But can you put some vodka in it? Or could you put like some of this in it and whatever, but. I always use my tools. That's the one thing I can say anytime that I, something's happened to me in sobriety, I have no shame because I just, I want to know what I need to do so I can get through this, when I didn't complete my first semester, my very first semester of nursing school and I. I can't tell you how many meetings I cried, almost felt bad because at first I didn't want to go to any meetings where I would log in and I wouldn't say anything. And I was supposed to host the Sunday meeting that I would go to the Sunday morning meeting. And. That morning, I was just like I text the person, the moderator, and I was like, I can't host this meeting today. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I'm not feeling well. And then I laid there and I was like, okay, I just, I got to go to this. And, I felt really bad about it because I'd never flaked on a meeting like that. And I logged in and I raised my hand and I apologized and I just poured my heart out, and it felt good. It felt good because I hadn't really talked about it. When it happened. When I missed that exam and everything happened, the first thing I did was old Savannah would have been like, all right, I'm going to get some beers, going to get hammered and we'll worry about this tomorrow. We're going to cry it out, but take care of it tomorrow. But there were things that needed to be done because I need to make sure I kept my grant money and everything was in place, so I literally had to like. Call my advisor, withdraw from the class, write these letters to like financial aid, get letters from the office of disability and stuff. Because I had applied for accommodations, but I didn't get them until like later in the semester. So I had to take care of business, and I was really proud of myself because that's not normally what I would have done in that situation. I would have gotten hammered. Walked away from it and then tried to come back and by then everything would have been even worse and whatnot but I didn't I did the next right thing and I was able to do that because I did have support Now we'll say before I got to the business. I did have to call somebody in the program and cry

Steve: 23:53

But that's using your tools, focusing on your connection, using server support, I love that and like I love how you work the program with your tools. So I know that we started this episode with you talking about how to survive sobriety, but it sounds like you're ready to survive sobriety and you have the tools that you need. So what would you say is the difference over the past three and a half or years or so? Between when you've been surviving in your sobriety and when you've been thriving in your sobriety. And what are tips to go from surviving to thriving?

Savanna: 24:32

Just staying focused. Having a good program, going to meetings, and using the phone. And not being afraid to share what you're going through. Because, I assure you, somebody has been through what you're trying to go through sobriety, when I've had issues with my teenager that was going crazy, talked about it in a meeting, moms reach out to me. If I said something in a meeting about, my wife somebody messaged me about it. Even when I got on the meeting and talked about what happened in nursing school, there were nurses. That reached out to me that were like, I failed this class, but they did it and they got through it. And I think that's the one thing that really kept me staying on that first meeting that I went to that eight o'clock in the morning on December 28th, there were other moms in there. There were other working women in there. There were, other wives in there That had managed to get sober and be great moms and wives and be great in their careers. And that's what I wanted. And that's how I ended up picking my sponsor because she's an awesome mom, she's great at her career. And so I did everything they told me to do. They said, keep coming back. I kept coming back. They said, get the numbers. I got the numbers. They said, get a sponsor that you want what they have. I got the sponsor that I wanted what she had. And I tell you what everything has fallen into place. Yeah. It says it will,

Steve: 26:06

I can say having grown with you and watched you grow, like you are a great mom. You are a great wife. You are a great worker. You are working towards an awesome career. You are changing lives like every day with everything that you do. So you are all those things that you aspire to be. And yeah, I argue you that you're not just surviving in your sobriety, you are thriving, Savannah. And thank you so much for sharing that experience and wisdom and strength with my listeners.

Savanna: 26:34

you. I feel like I was all over the place, but That's all right.

Steve: 26:38

topic of the show. That's what it gets to be about. It gets to be just me and my friend talking about keeping us sober. So I know you, you like me are everywhere online, but where's your favorite place to play with someone if they wanted to find you on social media?

Savanna: 26:51

Probably Tik Tok.

Steve: 26:52

Tik Tok. At

Savanna: 26:53

luchi underscore mamas.

Steve: 26:56

Perfect. So everyone find Savannah over there and follow us anywhere you'd like, but you'll play with me best over at Instagram at Gay A Podcast. And make sure you follow the show wherever you're listening right now. So you can get these new episodes every Thursday. Thank you again, Savannah.

Savanna: 27:14

Thank you, Steve. I love you.

Steve: 27:16

Love you. And until next time, listeners stay sober.