Sobriety, Social Media, and Self Care ft. Jaycee K Clark

Hey, Super Sober Heroes! In this episode of gAy A, Sober Steve welcomes back Jaycee K. Clark for a powerful conversation on the impact of social media on mental health and sobriety. With over 1,227 days sober, Steve sits down with Jaycee to discuss how social media plays a dual role in our lives—both as a tool for connection and a source of distraction. Jaycee, who will be one of the keynote speakers at the Here, Queer, Sober event next September, shares personal insights from her recent social media hiatus and how it transformed her recovery and self-care routine.

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

• Social Media Hiatus: Jaycee opens up about taking a break from social media to focus on her mental health and emotional well-being. She highlights the importance of recognizing when social media becomes a distraction and how taking a step back helped her reconnect with herself.
• The Power of Disconnecting: How disconnecting from the online world can create space for deep emotional healing, self-reflection, and improved mental health in sobriety.
• Being Intentional: Jaycee emphasizes the need to be intentional with social media use—knowing when to engage, when to take a break, and how to create healthy boundaries.
• Balancing Creation and Consumption: As someone who uses social media for activism and sobriety advocacy, Jaycee shares tips on balancing content creation and consumption while staying grounded and present.
• Lessons in Recovery: They dive into the parallels between social media dependency and addiction, discussing how both require self-awareness and personal boundaries to maintain balance.
• Being Vulnerable and Staying Connected: Jaycee talks about the importance of staying connected with her recovery community, even when offline, and how being open with others about her struggles helps her stay grounded.

Key Moments:

• Jaycee explains how her relationship with social media changed after entering recovery.
• How taking a break from social media empowered her to focus on her mental health and sobriety.
• Steve and Jaycee discuss the pros and cons of social media in the recovery space and how to navigate the pressures of being online.
• Jaycee talks about using social media as a tool for advocacy and sharing her recovery journey out loud.

Connect with Jaycee:
Follow Jaycee Clark on Instagram: @officialjayceek

Resources Mentioned:

• Here, Queer, Sober event in NYC, September 2024

Stay Connected:
Follow us on Instagram: @gAyApodcast
Find more resources and episodes at www.sobersteve.com.

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Stay Sober, Friends!

Transcript

Steve: 0:03

Hey there super sober heroes. It's Steve here with JC back on the show. Welcome back JC.

Jaycee: 0:09

Hi Steve. How's it going?

Steve: 0:12

It is great. I could barely wait the three to four month window that I normally wait to ask people to come back on because I knew I wanted to have you back on. So thank you for agreeing. Thanks for reaching out. So we had been talking recently. You reached out because you were going on a social media hiatus and just wanted to make sure I had your number because you are also gonna be one of our keynote speakers at here, queer sober next September in New York city. And that's going to be so exciting. Are you ready for it? I, I know

Jaycee: 0:41

it's so far away but I'm so stoked. I haven't been in New York and over a decade. And the last time I was there, I was. filming porn. And so now that I'm living a life of purpose, I get to do it different and I'm so excited.

Steve: 0:54

Yeah, I'm excited to as I'm like getting working more on the program and what's to come, I'm just looking forward to it next year. We would live one day at a time, but next year also it's going to be a really good time. But with that, Wanting to make sure that I can keep in touch with you during a social media hiatus. People normally, in my experience, don't take hiatuses because everything's peachy keen and their followers are growing and nothing's toxic at all. So what's going on or what was going on?

Jaycee: 1:21

Oh God. So life on life's terms, right? Some things that I'm not going to get into like specific details, but some things that transpired within, okay. My relationship. And I needed to just, I had a lot of shit coming up emotionally. And I needed to just take some time away just to go internal and see what the hell was coming up. And like, where do these emotions come from? And, it's honestly a luxury that I have the ability to even do that and feel emotions and not make them wrong. And like I said, nothing like catastrophic happened. But I just had to put myself in the equation and just do some deeper internal work. And I didn't realize just how much power I was giving social media. Not that I'm trying to prove anything to anybody. But there was an aspect of me that was still like giving it power. And, it was honestly like the best two and a half weeks of my life.

Steve: 2:22

I can definitely relate to, cause we always learn that the world, doesn't revolve around us in recovery. At least that was a lesson to me. I'm sure my parents tried to teach me that growing up, but it never stuck. But in recovery, I learned like I'm not the most important person in the room at all times and that like people's comments oftentimes have nothing to do with me. But there's a difference between being able to know that in your head and then feel it in your heart. I feel like especially when it's geared at you, even when it's not. about you. So how do you handle that? Both online with social media as well as in person. Like, how has that changed in your recovery with handling those situations?

Jaycee: 3:00

It was just like, once I started to recognize like that, I had all these things like internally, like coming up. Like this damn thing is a distraction and anybody that's new in recovery knows that like our addict is going to attach itself to different objects once the drugs and alcohol are gone. And so I know for myself, my addict is going to attach itself to the phone and I will use social media to disassociate and avoid what I'm feeling. And they were some big emotions, and it's Some deep emotional clearing that I needed to do for myself and for my relationship. And so I was like, you know what, this is within my control. This phone is something that, or social media, that's something that I have control over. And if I have the ability to say deactivate and not lose any part of myself or my identity Why the fuck not? And so that's what I did. And I felt very empowered in making that decision for myself because I've never done that. I've been on social media since I don't fucking know when, but over a decade ago, and so it's just like I felt really empowered to just be like, you know what? This is what I need for myself and for my growth and my healing and my program. And Like I said before, it's honestly one of the best decisions I've made next to getting sober. And I know that in, in the future at any given moment, if something big like that comes up, I can always just take a break if I need to. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Steve: 4:32

Yeah, I think that it's definitely an important lesson to learn because so many of us whether it's taking a break on social media or taking a break even in real life from some things, I feel like social media is one where generally people announce it more because if not people think you like died or went missing or got hit by a bus or something. But there's been even times like where I'll just like distance, like I won't do, as much, like I'll miss one or two kickball games, like I'll miss one or two this or do step back if I need to take a week or a couple of days for myself to recover or. Online, taking a hiatus and learning that it's going to be okay and having that time to heal. What did you learn about yourself or how did you heal during that time away?

Jaycee: 5:10

First, like taking a break and just like disappearing off of social media. Of course, those immediate thoughts of people are going to think I've relapsed. People are going to think I have gone off the deep end or people are going to all that bullshit that we make up because that is very real for people in recovery. when we go, offline or we stop posting, like we typically do nine times out of 10 in the past, I was fucked up or I was in jail or in the hospital cause I had overdosed or whatever. And so going into it this time and knowing that's not even the case, and I can get back on at any given moment and I forgot what the question was.

Steve: 5:49

no, you're good because I also something that like, it's I'm trying to like, put the question into words, but I know that I'm not going on social media, like by choice, and then being able to like, come back on to it. I feel like I've never really done that intentionally for More than like a day because I was avoiding spoilers for some TV show or something like that, but I've never actually taken a hiatus because only until I've only really been creating like on social media heavily in the past year beforehand, I was very much like a consumer where I just like log on here and there to like a couple of things or like stock a couple of people. But it's like now that it's part of my business and part of my life, it's become part of my routine that I've tried cutting back, but I feel like it. Addicts in general, we struggle with that all or nothing thinking or all or nothing habits. Like for me, if I drank there's, there was never just a little, it was all of the drinking. If it was drugs, it was all the drugs. So like I've tried to be like I'm going to cut back less. Like even with like my friend and I were having an argument over the amount of time that I was on my phone at the gym while I was working out with him. But I was like, I can try and say it's for work or for this or for that. But at the end of the day, I'm not present in my situation because I'm glued to my phone and I'm telling myself whatever story for it, but learning that I could put it down and be okay is something that's hard with that all or nothing thinking. Do you have that in other areas outside of social media and drugs and alcohol?

Jaycee: 7:12

If I do, I can't think of it right off the jump, I was able to see in the two and a half weeks or whatever that I was off. I was able to see just how much time I was spending towards social media, and it's am I using this to disassociate? Am I using this to not be present? Am I using this to avoid what I'm feeling? And so it was really eyeopening to just see the difference in how I felt internally, while navigating through what I was going through and yeah, and I think, I had given myself like a date or like a timeframe of, I'm going to take this much time off of social media just to see, and for myself, if I can set a goal, I'm going to. Obtain that gold nine times out of 10. So it was like, I'm going to prove it to myself that I, one, I can do this. And two, this fucking social media does not define who I am, but then, like it is a very important part of my purpose. I do live out loud. I do. Do a lot of things like this. Whether it's an interview or speaking appearance somewhere, so it's like things are starting to come up and I was like, you know what? I feel better internally. I've cleared a lot of stuff and these opportunities are starting to come back up. So it felt like the universe was setting me up in divine time. And so I got back on And I have been so busy

Steve: 8:33

I was gonna say, what was that experience like coming back on? was it like you had never left or was there an adjustment of sorts?

Jaycee: 8:42

I think it was just, there was definitely an adjustment, I think the first like few hours I was back on, I felt like, Okay, this kind of feels a little I was a little hesitant, but then, it's just reminding myself that I get to be intentional with my actions and, yeah, just being intentional with what I'm doing and the conversations that I'm having and my surroundings and just being more present, and knowing that I will use this to disassociate, and so it's Doing better. I feel like I gained some tools in my little break for sure. And, like I said, I've been a busy woman in the last two weeks.

Steve: 9:19

Yeah. You are a busy woman and as much as that tool in your hand could play the devil for us at times, you also are using that and like the technology and social media to really Make a big difference at the same time. So like, how can you balance being on, on there and what I've learned to call a creator mode where you're creating content for people that they can see and like you engage with versus consuming content where you might go on and you're looking at other people's posts and walls and checking in on your friends and loved ones. Like, how do you balance those two when you're spending your time on socials?

Jaycee: 9:54

know, it's just about being intentional, like what, I have to ask myself, what is my intent for getting on here right now? What is my intention for liking this post? What is my intention for not liking this post? Same with sharing content. And it's crazy because I didn't even seek out all the opportunities that have just landed in my lap here lately. But let me just tell you in the last sense, getting back on social media at this time, I've done a magazine interview. I did an interview with university of Texas health last week. I did a in person speaking engagement at a recovery high school. I'm on here today, and it's like all of these things just happened. I listened to the universe and the universe is you should get back on here. I was like, okay. And I don't always have to know why. I just Listen,

Steve: 10:43

We're glad to have you back because even though I don't normally spend a lot of time scrolling through other people's content, Facebook does know that you are one of the people that I like to see where I will stop scrolling and hit like more often than most other people that I just keep on scrolling through. Keep on scrolling. Yeah. I was gonna say, cause I've also been talking with a couple of different guests recently is it's just in life about when you're on social media. Because oftentimes people will have different rules about how they post, how they engage versus how. We do personally everyone has these own different rules where I have friends who like if they buy a house or buy a dog or anything major happens in their life, they won't text us about the shifts or the changes. They'll just post something on Facebook and kind of assume that everyone in their life that matters will see it because it's on Facebook. And I've always been. The type where I'll post for work, I'll post professional stuff, but I was never until recently really even posting in my own life if I was out doing something that's new for me to be able to post. What was your relationship before you got into all this activism, and when you're not doing the activism work where you're making your voice be heard, what is your social media behavior like on a regular basis? And like, how do you deal with those people's rules that might conflict with yours over how you're using it?

Jaycee: 12:04

I don't know that I necessarily have rules when it comes to posting, I know that if whatever's happening in my life is bringing me joy and it's filling my cup up I know that I'm going to post whatever the hell I want to post, there's no like schedule which is very different for me because in the past like I've been When I was filming porn all the time and in the adult industry, I used my social media platforms to promote that and to promote that persona. And I was trying to constantly live up to that all the time, whereas now people who have been on this journey with me can see where like it has transformed, like I post. I post literally everything and I'm not just posting like adult content or promoting adult content, I'm posting real life shit. And yeah, it's just very, it's very different and I'm very proud of how I have navigated through that because, they say Or at least they said to me perhaps you should delete your social media and start fresh. And I was like, Nope, I'm not willing to do that. Because I get to change the trajectory of what this image is, and I'm not the same person I used to be. I'm not a porn star anymore. I'm not promoting adult content. And so it's, I think for me, it's like I said, in the last interview we did is like turning my mess into my message. And that comes with social media.

Steve: 13:31

Yeah, I love that. And so with social media, what would you say are one of the few? We're talking about our recovery here. What are some other passionate topics that you love talking about?

Jaycee: 13:43

So I, let's see, I just did a speaking engagement on recovery. This one was very different. It was with high school kids and who are also in recovery. And so that was very interesting. It was very interesting. I was not prepared for those children.

Steve: 14:02

I was going to say, how is that different than college kids or adults in recovery? What's different? These kids are God

Jaycee: 14:10

bless them. They shit. Their stories are crazy, but it's, I guess when we were young, but damn.

Steve: 14:22

Yeah, I was gonna say, I guess if I was able to wake up like at 16, 17 over the fact that I was an alcoholic, like some shit must've gone down because it took me a lot longer than that.

Jaycee: 14:31

And it was inspiring to sit in a room with 20 high school kids and to see, essentially see myself sitting in those chairs. And I was like, damn, I wish I had the courage to do what you're doing at your age, but it took me a little longer and that's okay. But some other things that I, I'm open. About talking about, HIV awareness being trans my journey through addiction my journey as an adult film star. all that comes with that. I've lived a pretty public life since the age of 19. So I'm pretty much an open book and I'll talk about anything that I can relate to.

Steve: 15:08

Yeah, and I'm curious because I'm someone as well that I've always been very public with telling people I'm an open book. Ask me anything, but I've also when I'm struggling when things are difficult for me, I am the king of omission of Hiding things. Would you say that as much as you are open online about the things that you believe in and the passions that you're passionate about are you also as open about when you are struggling or about when you're hurting or are there things that you'll keep off limits or offline?

Jaycee: 15:38

There are some things that I don't think are necessary to go on social media for my relationship, for example. I don't post everything just because it's not everybody's business. But typically I'm in constant communication with my sponsor and the people around me. And so while I don't always post everything, I'm always in communication with somebody about whatever I have going on. Just because I know that's what's going to keep me sober and I don't always have good ideas. Sometimes I do post. On social media when I am going through something, I may not say I'm fucking struggling right now, but it's like a subliminal message. If I'm laying in a field and I'm posting pictures of my feet in the grass and I say, talking about connection with the God I'm probably going through something, which is something that has happened in my journey.

Steve: 16:27

Yeah. I'll do breadcrumbs rather than just say that I'm struggling.

Jaycee: 16:32

Yeah. I don't want to say. And I think, that's probably minimizing Hey, yo, I'm an addict and I'm fucked up right now. But people that know me know Oh shoot. She's trying to get right with God right now.

Steve: 16:45

it is what it is. Yeah, and you talked about like constantly being connected with fellows because that's one thing that even when I look at my screen time of being on social media apps versus being on messenger and phone calls, like I'm still spending just as much time if not more time like messaging and staying connected with people that way versus the time that I'm spending posting things online. What would you say is an example for listeners who don't follow you already have something you might post? on a daily basis versus something you might text a friend or fellow about?

Jaycee: 17:16

question because I will, I don't always post or repost some of this shit that I watch just because I have a sick sense of humor sometimes. And I may send Some of my closest friends, some things that I don't want to post on social media just because I'm like, Oh, what are people going to think of me and my fucked up humor? It really just depends. it's like a case by case scenario. I don't go black and white with that. if something in me says post this, then I'm going to post it. And if something in me says, Girl, if I can send that to somebody else, then I'll do that. I just listened to what my gut says.

Steve: 17:53

Yeah, I can definitely relate to that. I do know it is more of, if I'm sending someone something directly, it's chances are like part of it's like either it's time sensitive. Like I know it won't even like matter in a couple hours. because it's just like going through the motions or it's because of my fucked up humor or it's something like also like sexually explicit in a fucked up humor kind of way that also wouldn't work where it's like you have to remember on social media like for me at least like I was like I have like my parents my in laws and work people all these other people following me that aren't like the people that will like Vibe with me like this right now. So having to learn like that's where I've also learned. And this is a great question. Do you have a different online personality across different platforms? Because like I've personally on Facebook is what I will add like anyone in my life, including like business people. And connections and people from church while like my Instagram has become like Steve's space where it's that's like my friends and like the people that were like and post the funny memes or the inappropriate stuff and not have to worry as much. Do you switch it up between platforms ever?

Jaycee: 18:54

No, I tried that back in the day when I was in the adult film industry, I tried to be a little more thought ish. On Twitter. I'm a little more refined on Facebook and that shit gets hard to whatever. So now I just keep them linked together. That way they post. And if I don't want something to go on Instagram, I just click, do not post this post. And cause if I repost everything on social media, God, I have so many posts.

Steve: 19:21

I hear

Jaycee: 19:21

you.

Steve: 19:22

Excellent. And if someone to follow you and find you on social media, if they don't already right now. How would they do that?

Jaycee: 19:29

At official J. C. K. That's O. F. I. C. I. A. L. J. A. Y. C. E. K.

Steve: 19:37

Excellent. And any final thoughts on social media and how it plays a role in sobriety, pros and cons?

Jaycee: 19:44

Social media does not determine who the fuck you are as a person. And it is not part of your identity and you have nothing to prove to nobody.

Steve: 19:52

Love it. Thank you so much. It's been a pleasure as always. And I'm sure we'll see you back on real soon.

Jaycee: 19:57

All right. Sounds good.