Blank Spaces, Brave Faces, and Swift Steps ft. Julianne Griffin

In this episode of gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show, Sober Steve welcomes back Julianne Griffin, aka Jewels, the founder of Swift Steps—a unique sober community for Swifties in recovery. They dive deep into the therapeutic power of journaling, finding balance in sobriety, and the challenges of staying accountable in recovery. Jules shares how the love for Taylor Swift’s music, lyrics, and journey has become a powerful anchor for Swift Steps members to connect, support each other, and grow.

What’s Covered in This Episode:

• Swift Steps 101: For those unfamiliar with Swift Steps, Jules provides an overview of this inspiring recovery community for Swifties.
• Journaling with Taylor: Discover how the Swift Steps course, Blank Spaces and Brave Faces, uses Taylor Swift's music and lyrics as a journaling framework, encouraging members to explore their recovery journeys, release shame, and embrace self-compassion.
• Personal Growth and Accountability: Jules reflects on the challenges of showing up for herself, balancing self-care with the demands of community leadership, and the importance of support networks in recovery.
• Navigating Family Triggers: From co-dependency to challenging family relationships, Jules opens up about the struggles of setting boundaries and seeking personal growth within recovery.
• The Power of Swift Steps Community: Hear how Swift Steps members inspire each other, keep each other accountable, and bring a shared purpose that continues to enrich Jules’ own journey in sobriety.

What’s Next?
Curious to learn more about Swift Steps or join this vibrant community? Head over to their social media @swiftsteps13 or check out swiftsteps.org to join the mailing list and receive all the details.

Tune in for insights, laughs, and a whole lot of Taylor-inspired recovery wisdom, and don’t forget to hit "follow" so you never miss an episode of gAy A! 🌈✨

Transcript

Steve: 0:00

Jewels was so exciting to have on during her first episode, Swift Steps episode a few months back I couldn't wait to have her back on. So without further ado, Enjoy the interview. Hey there, it's SoberSteve here with Julianne Griffin, aka Jules. Welcome back to the show, Jules.

Jewels: 0:20

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Steve: 0:22

Yes. And it was a pleasure getting to learn about the awesome work that you're doing with the Swift steps and our previous episode, but for those who either might've missed it or might not remember, why don't you catch us up on a little bit of who you are and what you do.

Jewels: 0:36

So my name is Julianne Griffin. I am a recovery mentor and the founder of Swift steps, the recovery community for Swifties. And we are basically a sober fan community. We come together and we all have the common thread of loving Taylor Swift. Her lyrics or just, her as a human being and it brings us all together. We have this common theme. We all feel safe with other Swifties and then we feel safe sharing with other Swifties especially other Swifties in recovery like us. And we have a bunch of meetings and we've added a whole bunch of more things since the last time I've been here. But yeah, basically it's just a sober community and Taylor Swift is the thread that binds us all together.

Steve: 1:14

Yeah, I love that. And we did spend time in that episode talking about a lot of the meetings and things you had going on at the time. So definitely go back if you're a Swiftie and dive into it. One thing that's you've really been leaning into that I've also been thinking about myself as I'm looking back at my content from this podcast is the idea of journaling or making like an audio diary Or logging your recovery basically in any way, shape or form because Taylor Swift is like big on a lot of her songs. It's how she kind of journals what she's going through. So her albums and all of that is her journal. And then you're doing that while then also journaling about everything with that. So tell us a little bit more about journaling in your program.

Jewels: 1:54

Yeah, so we have a course called blank spaces and brave faces, and I'll read you the little blurb. It's embark on a transformative journey with a 13 week, course, 13 workshop designed for Swifties at any stage in their recovery journey. This unique course blends guided journaling prompts with emotional depth of Taylor's music to inspire, empower, and facilitate profound discovery and healing. So basically, it gives you a chance to connect with your own recovery narrative and embrace your own story with compassion and acceptance and drop the shame and you do that through the unique. Art of storytelling and music and like you said we use taylor's life's work We use her life's diary and we take those Lyrics and we then break them down with journal questions in addition to our song prompt meetings where we also break down songs and that's its own kind of thing, but Yeah, we dig in deeper each week with a journal prompt and a song and through over 13 weeks You really get in touch with your own story And really just try to have compassion for yourself and kindness for yourself and drop the shame that comes with recovery. A lot of the time.

Steve: 3:03

Yeah, I love that. I know that growing up, everyone talked about whether you call it journaling or diaries back in the day, but everyone, a lot of my friends growing up would keep diaries or journals and I would try, but I would do one or two entries and then I would just put it aside and forget about it. And then like until like next year when someone else gave me a journal and I tried for one or two entries, but it never really clicked. And I always just said journaling is just not for me. But it was only recently when I was doing these vault episodes where I was like, I've been doing an audio journal basically of what my recovery has been like from the moment I decided to start talking to a microphone about what getting sober was like. How has journaling been a part of your life before sobriety? And how did it change in recovery?

Jewels: 3:44

So I was very much like you. I wanted to journal on this all the time. I bought diaries and journals all the time, and I still do just because I like the way that they look and I have this romanticized idea that I'm going to be, like, writing pages and pages, and it just doesn't happen. So this was a way for me to actually hold myself accountable. So in this course, you have the option to submit your answers. And if you submit them by a certain point in the course, I'll respond with feedback. But if you don't want to submit them, you can keep them to yourself, and that's completely fine. And then we have like share sessions once a month, where we talk about the similarities that I see and other people's favorite prompts and things like that. But basically, this has kept me on track. I'm not going to ask anybody to do something in our community that I'm not going to do too. So I've been doing the journal prompts with them every week, and this is the only time I've ever kept up with it because I'm accountable to other people. And that's usually, I don't show up for myself, but I'll show up for anybody else. So this is, this has been really great for me. It's been really healing and transformative and been doing for me what I wanted to do. To do for other people and I didn't realize that it was going to do for me too in the process So that's been really cool But like you said too, I also did a podcast with my mom like six years ago Maybe three years into my recovery and listening to that has been a really fun experience Just going back and listening to the two of us in like early baby sobriety trying to like fumble through Trying to see one another as a mother, more than just mother daughter, just like human beings with issues. So that was pretty cool to have a journal, if you will, of that, of those conversations with my mom.

Steve: 5:27

Yeah, I can imagine with that. I know that. Yeah, I still keep up the one that my husband and I did about movies. I pay like the 5 a month to keep it going, just floating out on the Internet because just for us at this point, it's fun to go back to sometimes and listen back and remember that part of what was going on. Our relationship or that movie we talked about, so definitely relate to that. And I can also, I really related to the idea of there are things that I want to do for myself that I'll never do, but I always tell other people to do them or like I help my clients, especially now that I'm podcast coaching. There's so many things I tell my clients to do to help grow their show that I don't do for myself every episode, every week. So with that being said, when you are doing these things, it forces you to do them yourself. What have you learned about. Yourself creating this workshop series.

Jewels: 6:16

Oh, what have I learned about myself? I guess it really just reiterates to me that I need to be better at showing up for myself like I do for other people because there was something that I couldn't figure out for myself very early on with Swift Steps. My sister came to me. I was, I was really struggling with it and my sister came with me, came to me and said, I need you to help. Can you help me with something for her business? And it was like the exact same thing. Bang, figured it out very quickly because it was for my little sister. My little sister needed me. So that's just, it's just constantly being reiterated. And this course is one of those things, because this is the only time that I've ever been able to keep up with journaling and haven't quit. Yeah.

Steve: 7:00

Yeah, and you've been able to do that in this case, but we also have to learn in sobriety how to show up for ourselves because in our addictions, oftentimes not only did we not show up for anyone else around us, but we weren't taking care of ourselves either. So how do you hold yourself accountable when our natural instinct is to put everyone around us before ourselves? Like, how do we remember to put that oxygen mask on ourselves first?

Jewels: 7:23

It's a really hard one for me. Because people make comments about how I choose to spend my time or just, people will always make comments about how you decide to allocate your time or your money or your resources. Or when you decide to sleep or if you decide to go to that party or cancel on that thing and it really sucks when you let that kind of just get in because then you don't pay attention to actually what you need and you're the one who's going to be dealing with it not all of these people so I just Really try to remember that i'm the one who has to feel the anxiety later when i'm not taking care of myself when I need to when i'm not saying no to something because I need to sleep for, two hours instead or whatever the case may be.

Steve: 8:15

Yeah, I know saying no is something that even non alcoholics have trouble with, but so much of my recovery, especially my first couple of years, I felt like it was me trying to bend over backwards for everyone in my life to make up for the fact that I was such a fuck up for so long. And I had that yeah, same and guilt that I was trying to compensate or make up for it because I was trying to prove to everyone like, it's all right. Like I can do it for myself now and do all this other stuff. Like even now. We're recording with podcast magic, like right before another hurricane blows through Florida. And even then I'm like, do my job. I'm going to keep these recordings. I'm going to redo my website while I'm also preparing for this hurricane and bringing all the stuff from the back and checking on my in laws. And I'm like, I can do it all because I don't. Because I want to almost prove to myself as well as everyone else that I can. So I've gotten much better with not caring what strangers think about me. But what I have learned is I still do very much those people that I do care about. If they, if I'm worried that they might feel some sort of certain way for me, like I, that's when I really get in my head. How do you differentiate between How you feel, or like your opinion about strangers affecting you versus those personal relationships.

Jewels: 9:21

Therapy. Therapy, because that's really hard for me, and I'm still learning. My mom is the one that I let trigger me the most. And influence me the most. And I really shouldn't. Because her and her age are very different. So I shouldn't let her influence me. I should be very, just self assured and strong, and know who I am, and know that she's very different, and her choices would, are not gonna suit me. But somehow, I always let her input matter.

Steve: 9:52

Even if

Jewels: 9:53

it's like shitty input. A lot of the times my mom doesn't really have great input. She just has like negative shit to say. So I don't know. Yeah, I, it's a really hard one. And I take a lot of it to therapy. I. Just will be honest to go to therapy once a week.

Steve: 10:10

Yeah, I know. Between therapy, life coaching, and like even step work. Like I just went through step four and step five with my sponsor, like my new sponsor for the second time. So like we, I went deeper and challenged me and like this one actually calls me in my bullshit. I chose my first one. When like I love him to death, but like I chose this kind gentle man who I knew would never call me on my bullshit. And I would say something like, I don't remember, he'd be like, okay, let's keep moving now. Mine's like, you really not remember? Do you not want to talk about it? Ooh, but like going through all of that and like having to like, share that with him afterwards. I was like, wow, that was a lot, but it feels better sharing it. But then having to like, realize that. Even after I go through that entire process still like my parents could call me the next day and they're like the two people in the world that will make me tear up like all the progress and work that I've done and be like, I turned into like a monster whenever they call just because like they sometimes because like they trigger me like you said, like they bring out a part of me where like logic, reasoning, thing. Doesn't apply like all they have to do is just like start doing like passive aggressiveness or talking finances or money or like one of the things that like just irks me with them so much that yeah, all the work that I built on myself like I was right out the window. Like, how do I like my logic and my mind and my brain have worked through all of this, but how come my emotions don't always.

Jewels: 11:28

Yeah, like going to meetings to I will say these meetings have really helped just to talk things out. And here am I being really super codependent here? Am I being a doormat here? Stuff like that has been super helpful. But so last week I went to, maryland to go see two of Swift Steps members because they were there for a concert. So I drove out there and we had a great day. It was awesome. And then on my way home, my car overheated and wouldn't drive anymore on the side of the Baltimore Bridge at four o'clock. So I'm like, all right, cool. I have work tomorrow. It's rush hour. It's going to cost me so much money to get this toad home, but I was like, I have pizza. I have something to drink. It's fine. Like whatever. I just dealt with it. But like the whole week, just like more and more things kept coming. They weren't going to be able to look at my car for five days, like all these different things kept piling up. And then I came home and I wanted to eat a bagel and somebody like my cream cheese was all gross. So I had to get a dry bagel. Then I was like upset about that, like ready to cry. And then my mom did something and it just. Set me the F off and I was a complete monster. I was a monster and I felt so bad the next morning and something, one of my impulses is. To buy a present to make up for it. And I hate that. I hate that about myself. It's not like I'm like trying to buy people, but I hate that because that's what my family always did. That's not, it's just it's like a show of good faith for me. It's like a show of affection just something proof that I'm sorry, maybe. I don't know. So I hate that about myself. But yes, parents, man, do they trigger and yeah, I actually was really a monster this week. And that impulse to want to buy to make up for things came out. And I that's something I don't like that I've been working on.

Steve: 13:19

Yeah, I can imagine. I definitely am like the types like buy when I'm feeling guilty or like a buy when I'm trying to like, and I don't mean to and like oftentimes not even like the dollar amount because I don't have the money. I don't go around saying three figure, four figure. I'm sorry, Presence, but I will I will buy the candy bar at the checkout every single day after I'm in the doghouse until I know I'm not in the doghouse anymore. Yeah, I definitely am, like, that type of person where, I feel like the treats help. But so navigating these relationships like you're navigating real life, you're have this community that you're building and you have a job like that to pay the bills. How do you navigate all three while trying to take care of yourself?

Jewels: 13:59

It's difficult. I think it's difficult for everybody. I think it's difficult, especially for people, pleasers for codependence and for addicts because. A lot of addicts like me or alcoholics like me are all or nothing people and you're either like go or slug doing nothing. At least that's like my mode. There's not really like an in between, so it's hard to find a. It's just like one of the hardest things of my life is balance and it always has been whether it's with food if I'm like binging or I'm eating nothing or I'm eating completely healthy or I'm just eating complete shit or I'm spending all my money or I'm saving all of my money. It's just very hard. I use lists. I make a lot of lists. And I've been leaning on swift steps members. They've been really stepping up to help out. So that's been super great. They've been offering their assistance just you know, with like social media posts and sending me links for meetings and helping me plan some things. So they've been taking some of the things off my plate. So that's been super helpful.

Steve: 15:02

That is awesome. I love it when like the community that you build like For them to start helping support you back up again.

Jewels: 15:08

Yeah, they really are so wonderful. They want to see me and Swift Step succeed and they love me and they don't want me to be burnt out. They care about me when I'm not taking care of myself and they call me out on it. And so it's really nice that they really try to hold me accountable for that. That's another way is that they call me out on it. They care. They're like, did you eat something today? Did. Did you remember to drink some water?

Steve: 15:31

Yeah. The things that we will forget because Yeah. I as well, like the more plates that I'm spinning the easier it is. Easier it is like for me to lose track of just the basic things. Go to the bathroom for six hours when I'm normally like an every half an hour, 45 minute type of person. Because I forget. Yeah. And then when I have to go, it's oh my God, I have to go right now. Or the world will end.

Jewels: 15:50

Yes. Yes. And even like having to wash your hair, like hair wash day for a girl once a week, the worst, or I don't know, just any of the taking care of yourself stuff. That's just like a pain in the ass. It's you don't have enough time in the day. Who wants to have to deal with it? It's just, So much to have to do for yourself. And I feel like girl, you're complaining about just being like a basic human being, but it's hard sometimes for some of us.

Steve: 16:20

Yeah. People think it's hard. That's the whole mental health, taking care of yourself aspect of things that we have to focus on so much, because if we're not taking care of ourselves, it becomes harder to do those. basics, that's why I always try to make sure I handle like the hunger, angry, lonely, tired first, because if I'm my base instincts, aren't being met it's hard for me to do everything else. But if I'm starting at the top and doing all these things that I've done it before, we're all like, I'll help wake up with a great idea for work. So I'll just start working. I'm like, oh, it's after lunch and I didn't have breakfast or lunch or do anything. So just having to learn that you have to take care of yourselves, I feel was something that I had to learn in sobriety because it was so oftentimes easy to ignore that when I was in my addiction.

Jewels: 16:56

Yeah, and a lot of times in my addiction to I would not so much focus on taking The meds that I wasn't abusing, I wasn't so focused on my psych meds and things. And so if I missed that, it wasn't that big of a deal. And I really didn't notice because I was probably already feeling like shit anyway. But I have to take my meds as soon as I wake up now in sobriety. If I miss them by 45 minutes, if I get on the train and I forgot to take my meds, I know it's it's the timing is as soon as the train is pulling off. That's when I like feel it in my body and I'm like, and I'm like on my way. So I have to keep a second. Set of medication just in case I forget it because like you're saying the whole day will be shot. I will be able to do absolutely nothing else, but I'll be so anxious.

Steve: 17:41

Yeah. No, I definitely hear that. And I feel like a lot of times though it's also very easy for us to make reasons not to do things when life keeps on spinning around us. So especially since I'm in hurricane planning mode, if you were in your home with no power, no internet, no work, no responsibilities, like nothing but whatever you, Julianne wanted to do. Yeah. In your own home with no expectations for 24 hours, what would that day look like for you?

Jewels: 18:13

Do I have music?

Steve: 18:15

Sure.

Jewels: 18:16

Okay. I'd probably listen to music and organize. Organized things make my brain happy and I guess it gives me some sense of control to probably since you're telling me I'm not going to have much control in this situation about what I'm allowed to do. So yeah, I think I would probably want to pull out all of everything in my closet and just really organize everything like the way that I've always seen in my brain. Short sleeve to long sleeve, like an all color coordinated. And cause I think that would make me feel pretty good in a situation where I fell out of control or not in control yet.

Steve: 18:56

With with the hurricane coming last night, I reorganized all of my drawers of my clothes and like the way that I organize everything because I was like, I can't control. The storm. What can I control? I can control this thing that I've been thinking in my brain for a month or two would be really nice if I did this and I finally did it. So I hear you on that.

Jewels: 19:13

Good for you. It feels good, right? I got rid of four big trash bags of clothes, which I never get rid of clothes. I have clothes from like high school. So that was a big deal. That felt good.

Steve: 19:23

Wow. Okay. Congratulations on that.

Jewels: 19:25

Thank you.

Steve: 19:27

And I always ask this question sometime in the episodes, even on topic episodes, because it can always change from the last time you answered this question, but what is your favorite part of being sober today?

Jewels: 19:39

My favorite part of being sober today. Swift steps.

Steve: 19:42

Yeah.

Jewels: 19:43

That's my favorite part. Yeah. Yeah. That's my favorite part. It just, it brings me so much joy. It makes me so happy. Just the people in the community are so wonderful and the group. That I've gotten to see in eight short months from people who've joined that I've been from the very beginning until now, or even just two months until now, it's just been, I say magical all the time, but magical. It's been really amazing.

Steve: 20:06

Yeah, I love that so much. So if someone is not already a member of swift steps, how would they join or find more information?

Jewels: 20:14

So they can go on all socials. We're at swift steps 13, and then you can look for us on Facebook. There is a Facebook group that you can join. And if you go to swift steps. org, you can join our mailing list, and then we will send you an email with all the details to get into the actual group. And then that's where all the scheduling is and the zoom link and all that. Info.

Steve: 20:38

Excellent. Sounds good. Thank you so much for coming back on. It was a pleasure as always.

Jewels: 20:43

Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I really enjoyed it.

Steve: 20:46

Yes. Talk soon.

Jewels: 20:48

Bye.