gAy A: The Queer Sober Hero Show

Finding Light in the Darkness ft. Dillon

• Steve Bennet-Martin • Season 2 • Episode 50

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Super Sober Heroes, we’re back with another in-person interview, and this week, I’m sitting down with my friend Dillon! 🏳️‍🌈💜 Dillon opens up about his journey to sobriety, how a birthday wake-up call led him to quit drinking, and the powerful role of resilience in his recovery.

We talk about:
✨ The moment he knew he had to change
✨ How sobriety has transformed his life and relationships
✨ Finding strength in grief after loss
✨ Navigating the queer community as a sober person
✨ His go-to mindset shifts & coping strategies

Dillon’s story is a reminder that it gets better—and that we are stronger than we ever imagined. 💪

Listen now on all podcasting platforms! 🎧✨

📲 Follow Dillon: @OGDillyDilly91
📲 Follow gAy A Podcast: @gAyApodcast

#QueerSobriety #SoberQueer #LGBTQRecovery #SoberLife #RecoveryJourney #QueerCommunity #GriefAndRecovery #ItGetsBetter #SoberCurious #GaySobriety

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Steve:

Hey there, Super Sober Heroes. It's your host, SoberSteve, the podcast guy here with my friend Dylan in real life for another brand new episode of Gay A, the Queer Sober Hero Show. And I am having so much fun getting to do in person recordings. I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for your being here. So thank you.

Dillon:

Thank you for having me.

Steve:

Yes. And I am also 1, 367 days sober as of today's recording. And I am also grateful for discovering that in addition to my main 12 step program being AA, that I also am belonging pretty well in ACA meetings. We had a guest on a while back, Melinda. talking about ACA and at the time I wasn't ready to hear everything she had to say, but I'm ready now and I heard it and I'm going and I'm enjoying that part of the journey. What's been, what have you been grateful for recently? What's going on in your life?

Dillon:

I've been grateful for, I've recently got a new dog, so that's been bringing a lot of happiness and gratitude into my life and just really good where life is at right now. Got a beautiful home, beautiful job, beautiful relationship, beautiful dog now. So just grateful for just life in general.

Steve:

Yeah. Excellent. Speaking of gratitude and things that we love, what makes you happy to be sober today?

Dillon:

The fact that I have my wits about me. I've been sober now, 17 months since I made that decision and It's just been, I couldn't imagine myself with alcohol in it at this point in my life. It makes me happy that I can wake up in the morning and feel productive and know that I don't have to rely on, a substance to really alter my life or whatnot. But I'm grateful that where it has me being able to be the best version of myself.

Steve:

Yeah, I love that. I love the best version of you because you came into my life in your recovery. I am very glad that led to our paths crossing as well and Speaking of we met in the local queer Sarasota community. What makes you grateful for happy to be part of the queer community today?

Dillon:

That sense of community has always been a huge aspiration and something I always, cause I've been a gypsy my whole life. So having that sense of community, no matter. Where I go, I always try to establish roots, no matter how involved I am with or without the community. The fact that it's there and being able to be part of that, especially in Sarasota where the queer community, even though it's large, it's not as large as, say like Tampa or Orlando or Miami. Just being part of that small niche of community is just enough to feel grateful.

Steve:

Yeah, I'm finding that especially with Sarasota being a smaller community, then it makes it almost like more important to be out at everything because you're seen. And when you're not there, you're also not seen. So excellent. And so with all of that, especially since I've gotten to know you more in recovery, I'm excited to hear a little bit about how you found yourself here. So why don't we jump in and tell us what your road to recovery was like?

Dillon:

Yeah. Alcohol was 14 was when I had my first drink and My friends were doing it and that's all we pretty much did. And I remember being 16 years old in downtown Omaha, Nebraska, where I was in the back of a car with a handle of vodka and a thing of OJ, and we'd just sit there and just take polls. And that just progressed over the years to where, I never really identified as having an issue with it, but I absolutely recognized when I had tendencies to absolutely abuse it. But then it got to the point where I was like, I couldn't just go out and have a drink or go to dinner and have a glass of wine. It was either drunk or not. And I think up until my late twenties into my very, just in probably the first couple of months of my thirties. Is when a kind of a light bulb went off. It was just, it was my 30th birthday party to where I knew something had to change. I had also dabbled into substances as well. And I just remember being at my own birthday party, going, having to rush to the bathroom to do a key bump and do a little shooter in the bathroom. And I don't even remember the rest of the remaining of the evening. And that was where. My tipping point was like, what am I doing? my friends were all like, they didn't say anything at the night, but I have now come to realize we're starting to worry about me and the conversations between them were starting to be does Dylan have a problem? Do we need to get interventions? And thankfully though, I had enough self realization in that moment to realize I need to change something because I don't like this version of what's happening. And it was from there on that I started the relationship with alcohol. We had an on and off again relationship for probably a few years up until 17 months ago to where, to do a few sober stints, try to go three months or six months. And each time it always ended up with either a situation, an external situation or internal struggle to where I'd always resort to going to buy a bottle of wine on my way home but it was 17 months ago where I remember I had, my last drink was a glass of red wine and I just, I woke up the next day And I only had one glass and I had the worst headache I think I've ever had, the worst hangover I've ever had. And I just woke up and I was like this is dumb. and haven't touched it since. And it been the most empowering situation I think I've ever had for myself. Just being able to have that enough self I don't even know the word I'm looking for, but self awareness. There we go. And just the drive just to be able to say, you know what? This isn't serving me anymore.

Steve:

Yeah. Especially with, at that point I can imagine for many of us, it's become like a habit where it's not only just a physical, but it's mental, emotional. How did you, after having that aha moment, stick with it? Cause I'm sure it wasn't just that one choice, but you had to choose that every single day and multiple times throughout the day.

Dillon:

I did. It was, I had a, still a lovely therapist to this day that I worked very well with and We were working on reframing things because there was a lot of personal life situations going on to where reframing was like my 2022 to 23 that was like my mantra reframe. and so I had to almost continuously reframe my Outlook on it and reassure myself that, you made this decision, you need to stick with it, but also reframing it in the sense that this is actually a good thing. This is a benefit. And even when I would put myself into social situations where I would be more prone to drink, then the reframing process came into feeling empowered. Okay I don't need to. Drink to have fun I can be the sober one and I also found little pockets of empowerment like oh I can be the sober one for my friends I can drive, you know be the designated driver we can take away the anxiety and it was just reframing it to be a supportive thing not just only for myself, but I guess for everybody else because That's also the other thing is when you are out in public people don't ask you your story right away. They immediately think that you're going to be doing exactly what they're doing. So when I can Be that person say, i'm not drinking i'm your dd tonight I don't know. It's just that sense it gives you a sense of power and it's that moment where you get to reclaim that power and it feels everything that you've all the decisions you made up to this for the better has Been for good and it's a great feeling Yeah, that's why.

Steve:

Yeah, it is. And making that shift, and you talked about like the friends who are concerned about your drinking, but you've also made new relationships and recovery that help keep you sober. How did you connect with those people? Because I hear a lot of times people say oh, if you don't go to 12 step meetings, or if you don't belong to this specific fellowship or this fellowship, it's hard to find sober people. How do you connect with sober people?

Dillon:

Honestly for me, it was circumstance. I think my higher power, or the Grace of gods of something put people in my life Coincidentally that we're sober like I did like honestly, I didn't seek him out my first real true friend after I made that decision Who's still my friend today Chris? I think you actually know him We just became really good friends. And then all of a sudden he's yeah, I'm sober. And I'm like, Oh, I'm sober too. and then from there it just became he introduced me to other sober people. And then it also circumstantially when my partner and I got together, he's I quit drinking a year ago as well. I was like, it was almost like a universal saying this was the right path here people to support you along your journey yeah, that's how it felt and then of course meeting you guys and then finding your podcast because that's what I think when you and I first met we started talking was like you're this podcast. Yeah, I was like, this is such an amazing thing because I was new to being sober and even though I didn't necessarily identify as an alcoholic, like having this, being able to talk about it out loud and it was so just, I'm getting goosebumps. It was like the universe was saying, you are doing the right thing.

Steve:

You are! Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, I love that. Yes, Chris is responsible for my giant monster bag of candy obsessions. I'm like mixing them all together. Thanks for that cross addiction. But, I am now like two weeks clean of my giant monster bag of every sour candy mixed together. Yes, I am. and with that, What kind of quotes or mantras do you hold onto that help you stay sober?

Dillon:

It gets better.

Steve:

It gets better.

Dillon:

Always gets better. And resilience has been Something that I very hold strongly to my heart. I've had to be resilient my entire life and I feel like that's helped shape my outlook on things in life because life is shit. Life will shit on you at every possible moment it can, but it's if you let it continuously do that when, or if you, reframe that every situation you are dealt with is meant to be a learning lesson. And that's how I have been able to reinforce that on a daily basis. But resilience has been something that I've had to lean on in those times. but knowing that even though this could be the darkest of dark, there's always going to be light at the end of the tunnel. my favorite quote ever that I live by is by Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter. Happiness can be found in the darkest of places if only one remembers to turn on the light.

Steve:

Yeah.

Dillon:

And it's the third Harry Potter book, like 200 pages in, but don't, Albus Dumbledore, that quote has been my But I already have words all over my body, I'd have to get it tattooed on me. But it's been something that I've always, it's been like my push. And it's mantra.

Steve:

Yeah, that's great. I definitely know that having those things to say, that you can say like over and over again, help. Because, yeah, life doesn't get any easier in recovery. In the past 17 months of recovery, what would you say has been one of the more difficult things you've had to overcome? And how did you do it staying sober?

Dillon:

Most difficult thing of overcoming is probably the ongoing grief journey that I'm going to late in 22, I lost my sister and it's something I'm going to deal with the rest of my life. After she had passed, I remember telling my mother, I said, I don't want to, I like that, and that was when three months stint where I stayed, I didn't drink three months after she had passed and going to that I realized I didn't want to fall to alcohol to numb my pain or to distract my brain from doing what it needed to do, which was to grieve. So I jumped. Into the grieving journey after that situation had happened, and did the work, worked with my therapist, and abstained from drinking as much as possible. But in those times, though, again, when you can get through it, and I know it's easier said than done, but when you can get through it, it's just such a sense of empowerment, being able to realize that you handled the situation without needing to use that crutch or to use that substance, and I guess getting through those without the need of alcohol, it's not easy because, when you are drinking, there's always an excuse to drink. Oh, I stubbed my toe. I need a drink tonight. Or, oh, I had a bad conversation with my boss. I need a drink tonight. But, falling back onto your support system and having that, that was a huge help during that transition from going through that traumatic experience to then coming back into and getting back into work and living the real life. It's leaning on your support and then knowing, trusting yourself to keep going and stay strong.

Steve:

Yeah, that definitely takes a lot. And that is definitely something I'm sure will be advice that our listeners really appreciate. Now, knowing that you've made so many great changes in your life over the past 17 months, if you could tell your sister something today, what would you tell her about you or your recovery or your life?

Dillon:

Thank you. Because, I think from her situation, that I use it to compare it to a lot. Because people, for instance, will say, aren't you falling in love? Like, when my partner and I got together, we had a history, or this is our third attempt at love, and when we. So this is for the example is that when we got back together, people are like, aren't you afraid of getting hurt? Or I just don't want him to break your heart again or this or that. And my answer has never wavered. And it's been, I've seen the darkest of darks. I've been in the darkest place of my life. And yet I am here today. I'm happy. And so I say that going through that situation showed me that Even though things can be, it could be like the world is ending tomorrow, but I still made it through. And again, I lied at the end of the tunnel. And I wouldn't have been able to really understand the light without going through that darkest of dark. And for that I do thank her Of course, yeah, I would rather not have gone through that situation to have my sister here today, but that situation has taught me and reinforced that resilience that I just hold so near and dear and I'm not afraid to go through tougher situations because I already know that I've gone through something that is, no one at least in our younger ages should we experience. However like I said earlier, life We'll throw you shit. And it's just how you approach it, but it's knowing that it will get better. And so that's what I would say. Thank you to her is that she strengthened me. Yeah. And it was unfortunate that the situation happened to get to that point. But it's because of her that I'm a stronger person today.

Steve:

Thank you for that.

Dillon:

Yes.

Steve:

And when we are in crisis or when we're stressed or overwhelmed, a lot of the mindset tricks can be very helpful, but they're also very difficult when we're like in the middle of it. So what's something physical that you do to give yourself like a hard reset? Whether it's sometimes people say it's like meditating, praying, going for a run or a walk. What do you do if you need to like physically change your situation before you can change your mindset?

Dillon:

Going for walks, being in nature. I've always said, even as a kid, that nature and outside is my God. That's my higher power. That's where I connect with just life. Cause that's where life started with nature. And that's where anytime I feel overwhelmed or upset taking a nice long walk with my headphones, playing either some music or listening to an audio book that shifts my brain and kind of resets and it's a form of meditation for me, but being able to just be outside is really, and then writing. I've been a huge writer my whole life as well. I got like probably six or seven journals. They're all started at random different times, but if I see one, I'll just start writing.

Steve:

Awesome. Excellent. Any last words, bits of advice, anything for our listeners generally on your story?

Dillon:

Oh, that if there's anything I can leave with is, as cliche as it is and how people always say, and it's easier said than done, but life does get better. You could be at your lowest point, but if you have the strength to realize that this is just the stepping stone to your next greatness there is always a brighter side. There is always light over the rainbow. And just always keep on pushing forward because at the end of the day you matter and you matter to others. And so for that, just know that life does get better.

Steve:

Excellent. Yes. Life does get better. I have multiple horrible moments throughout each day and then it's always better. Five minutes later, I just need to breathe through it. But yes. And then on the grander scale happens as well. So thank you so much. And yeah, you don't have to go anywhere cause we're going to actually be doing this as another two part episode listeners. Stay tuned next week as we dive into the topic of sex and sexuality. But for now, I have all of your ads for your socials. Do you want to give them out loud to our listeners? And I'll add them in the show notes too?

Dillon:

Yeah! At OGDillyDilly91 is my Instagram. And then I think that's actually All I have really is my Instagram and Facebook.

Steve:

There you go. That's what we do. So I'll link over to those and listeners. Thank you very much for tuning into another episode. Make sure you also follow us at Gay A Podcast. So you get these new updates every Thursday for new episodes, wherever you're listening and on all the socials. And until next time, stay sober friends.

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