Still Sober, Still Sexy, Still Strong - Life Updates from Steve

Hey Super Sober Heroes— I’m back on the mic with a long-overdue update!

It’s been almost six months since my last episode, and so much has happened in my life and recovery journey. As of August 18, 2025, I’m 1,543 days sober, and I’m grateful for a listener message that reminded me just how much this podcast still matters.

In this episode, I share:

• Why I paused the show and how I’ve been learning to set healthier boundaries.
• The powerful impact of working not one, but two 12-step programs.
• Rebuilding relationships with family and creating new ones through faith and community.
• Navigating major life changes, including separation, a new relationship, and growing into alignment with my values.
• How my recovery journey led to unexpected doors opening—like starting my fitness business, deepening my coaching practice, and stepping into new opportunities.

This isn’t a “weekly return” just yet, but it is a promise that the show isn’t going away forever. Think of it as a check-in, a reminder that sometimes we need to pause and regroup, but that doesn’t mean we’re done.

If this podcast has meant something to you, I’d love to hear from you. Reach out anytime at:
 📧 bettersrq@gmail.com
📱 Instagram: @gayapodcast

Your words keep this community alive. Thank you for walking with me on this journey—and until next time, stay sober, friends.

Transcript

0:01

Hey there, super sober heroes. It's your host, Steve, and welcome to a brand new episode of Gay, the Queer Sober Hero Show. It has been quite some time since I last checked in with you all, and I am happy to report that I am 1,543 days sober as of today's date of August 18th, 2025, and I am grateful for a. Message that I got from a listener over the weekend. His name is Jacob. And Jacob wrote, hi Steve. Just wanted to say your podcast helped me to reassess my anxiety coping, and I'm now in IOP and 60 plus days sober from meth, alcohol, and weed. Thank you for the inspiration. Any plans on returning to the podcast? You have a very unique voice and I resonate a lot with your journey through sobriety and healing sexual awareness. That message came at just the right time for me when I put down the podcasting headphones officially back on March 25th, although my last full episode was on February 27th, I had a lot going on in my personal life and I was struggling to maintain boundaries, not only with people, places and things, but also just being able to manage. I kicked off this year with the amazing opportunity to compete in the world's largest reality show for business startups called The Blocks. And even when I applied, I was still a podcast coach. Not only was I creating this show, but I had invested in further education to be able to help coach other people on how to grow their shows and was producing and editing as well as coaching them through that process. And one thing I learned over the months of doing that. Was that it is much more fun making my own show about the things that I love than it is helping other people make shows about things that don't resonate as well with me and. On top of all of that education, there were a lot of rules about podcasting that I had learned about things that you should quote unquote be doing. If you were to have a quote unquote successful show, things like you should be making one episode a week, you should always be posting on the same day. You should be doing. A certain number of social media posts and reels and carousels. Each week, you should be engaging with others people's content that are in your podcasting field on social media. And honestly, all of those shoulds were leading to a lot of feelings of shame and guilt. I felt like I wasn't showing up for all of you the way that I was supposed to, and those rules made me feel really bad about myself as well as my situation with podcasting. It was a lot for me to handle, and while I was struggling with my podcast coaching and my podcasting itself, I took that opportunity to pivot, to focus more on my personal training. So that is the business that I competed under, and where I learned how to grow from and grow. I did. While at the same time navigating a new opportunity with my life coaching academy that I had graduated from a little over a year ago. And so I was starting a new job, starting a new shift in career for my own business on top of trying to navigate a lot of complicated interpersonal relationships that I was having because I was dealing with a lot of boundary issues. Because of all of this, instead of not showing up to the show fully and completely the way that I wanted to, I decided to take some time to step back and focus on myself and my program and my mental health and my recovery. And with that. It certainly has led to a lot of hard work, but luckily I've also been seeing in recent months that hard work is paying off. I have always, from the very first episode, been very open that I am a 12 stepper with my AA meetings around the time that this podcast teetered off, I also began going to a CA meetings. So I was working two programs at once on top of trying to run two businesses at once on top of trying to take care of myself and the people that I loved. And through working those two programs, I was able to learn and develop better boundaries, which ended up serving me very well. And navigating a lot of different life changes. I really put a lot of thought into where a lot of my fears, anxiety, emotions that were harming me were coming from and was able to trace back the route. To a lot of family stuff from growing up that I hadn't dealt with. And through working these programs and working on myself, I'm happy to report that I've let my parents back into my life that we are doing very well. I just celebrated my birthday that's coming up with them last night, and. It's great to see them again and have them in my life while also exercising healthy boundaries and realizing that as troubled as my childhood was in moments that they were doing the best that they could. That was something that I didn't really see until I was able to work the programs and step back and do some journaling and reflecting and step work into it, and it just feels really good to be able to have my family back into my life now. I also have developed better boundaries with a lot of my friendships. That was something that around the time that I ended this podcast, I was really struggling with friends that were not serving me well. I've reestablished boundaries with those individuals while loving them from a distance and began developing new relationships with people through my faith community. And it's been great having people that I know I can rely on and count on that appreciate me for who I am and meet me where I am. One of the biggest changes occurred to me right around my four year sober bursary. My partner and I were discussing all of the changes that have been going on in my life these past four years plus since getting sober back on May 28th, 2021. And my life is so different than it was back then in so many different ways. But we agree that the two of us dealing with a lot of the same issues that we were, not only when I got sober, but even from back when we got married and were dating and we were in this cycle where. We were struggling on a regular basis and came to the mutual decision that it was time to move on. We both have many years ahead of us, and I want to live my life to the fullest and I want him to have the same, and we want each other to be happy. And so we came to the conclusion to separate and then while I was a surprise to everyone, but my sponsor, my best friend who I moved in with during the separation process quickly became more than just a best friend, and I found a new relationship now that. Is really fulfilling for me. While my past relationships were oftentimes based in. Shared interests with things like pop culture, like tv, movies, and video games. I always struggled because I would find myself with people where we didn't share the same values about not only how we wanted to live our day-to-day lives, but where we wanted to see our futures, how we deal with things like family and friends. And so it's funny'cause it's kind of on the opposite end of the spectrum, where at first glance. My new partner and I don't have as much in common in terms of pop culture references and interests, but at our core, we've really learned that we do have the same value system, and we've been using that shared value system to grow together as well as individually. And I've continued to grow my business as well. The opportunity to compete on the blocks back in January was a huge stepping stone for me to be able to put all my eggs in the fitness basket, put the podcasting business aside, and really focus on using my experience, strength, and hope not only from my recovery journey, but also from my fitness journey to be able to help other people see the same results for themselves. I've shared before, but when I started my sobriety journey, while so many areas of my life had improved, I also swapped out alcohol and drugs for sugars like sour candy and ice cream and cookies. And over my first two and a half years of sobriety, I gained. Almost, or over a hundred pounds. And it was only when I looked at myself in the mirror after my interview with Marc Jacobs and seeing those pictures of me with him to realize that I wasn't happy with the way that I looked, in addition to having warnings from my doctor about things like my blood pressure and my cholesterol because of my obesity. And so that inspired the change to be able to take care of my body and health in a better way. It began with cardio, then evolved into strength training and all of that eventually led to my getting my personal training certification and starting my business GBF Fitness and. It's been an excellent journey where over the past six months I've also gotten my nutritionist certification as well as my transformation coaching and weight loss management certifications. So I've been really able to help my clients not only see results inside the gym, but also outside the gym in their day-to-day life, feeling happier about themselves and their bodies and their lifestyle at the same time as that's going on. Meanwhile, I've also acclimated quite well to my new part-time opportunity with Thriving Coach Academy Coaching life coaches. So I've been able to go from doing that once or twice a month to once or twice a week, and it just goes to show that doors might close for now, but that doesn't mean that they're always going to remain closed. When I graduated from that academy and pivoted, first to podcasting and then to fitness. I thought that it would be a certification that I wouldn't find myself using again. But here I am using it on a regular basis and feeling really good about the results that I'm able to help other people have, as well as the opportunity to be back in the life coaching world and get my own life coaching on a regular basis to be able to help me go from functioning to thriving in a lot of different areas of my life. It's been a great supplement to my 12 step programs, and it brings me back to this idea of this podcast. I love doing this podcast. I still enjoy podcasting and made sure that even in the big move from my old home to my new home, that I kept all my podcasting equipment just in case. And it was only when I got Jacob's message that I realized that it was time, at the very least, to give you all an update. So to answer his question that he ended his message with about if I have any plans on returning to the podcast, the answer is yes. This is another example of a door that closed for a little bit but was not locked up. I didn't throw away the key. I still have the ability to make the show and the interest to do so when I'm able to focus and give it the care that it needs to be able to find quality guests for you that you'll be able to resonate with and release episodes on a regular basis so you know exactly when it is. You'll be hearing from me i'm not there yet. I'm not saying that all of a sudden you're gonna be seeing new episodes in your feed every single week for me, but what I am saying is don't hit the unfollow button, because I do have plans to return to the show, if not in the late fall, early winter of this year, at the very least, early into 2026. So if you're listening, that means that you still subscribe and follow me wherever you listen to podcasts. And I wanna let you know that I'm not going anywhere forever. I'm just taking some more time to adjust to all of these changes that have been going on in my life. But I do wanna still hear from you. This message from Jacob lit up my day, made my weekend. And so if you are interested in coming on the show when it comes back or just. Reminding me every now and then that the show still means something to you. Please reach out to me. I am always available. I will include all of my contact information in the show notes, but it is, I am still logging in on Instagram at Gay a podcast and my email address is bettersrq@gmail.com. So whether you're sending me a DM or an email, I'd love to hear from you and I'd love to connect and I'd love to continue to navigate my sobriety journey with you all. So with that, thank you all for your patience, for your understanding, and for your kind words as I am navigating all of these life changes. And I look forward to connecting with you all real soon. And until that time, stay sober friends.